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Best Famous Hostess Poems

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Written by Ogden Nash | Create an image from this poem

Just Keep Quiet and Nobody Will Notice

 There is one thing that ought to be taught in all the colleges,
Which is that people ought to be taught not to go around always making apologies.
I don't mean the kind of apologies people make when they run over you or borrow five dollars or step on your feet,
Because I think that is sort of sweet;
No, I object to one kind of apology alone,
Which is when people spend their time and yours apologizing for everything they own.
You go to their house for a meal,
And they apologize because the anchovies aren't caviar or the partridge is veal;
They apologize privately for the crudeness of the other guests,
And they apologize publicly for their wife's housekeeping or their husband's jests;
If they give you a book by Dickens they apologize because it isn't by Scott,
And if they take you to the theater, they apologize for the acting and the dialogue and the plot;
They contain more milk of human kindness than the most capacious diary can,
But if you are from out of town they apologize for everything local and if you are a foreigner they apologize for everything American.
I dread these apologizers even as I am depicting them,
I shudder as I think of the hours that must be spend in contradicting them,
Because you are very rude if you let them emerge from an argument victorious,
And when they say something of theirs is awful, it is your duty to convince them politely that it is magnificent and glorious,
And what particularly bores me with them,
Is that half the time you have to politely contradict them when you rudely agree with them,
So I think there is one rule every host and hostess ought to keep with the comb and nail file and bicarbonate and aromatic spirits on a handy shelf,
Which is don't spoil the denouement by telling the guests everything is terrible, but let them have the thrill of finding it out for themselves.


Written by Gwendolyn Brooks | Create an image from this poem

The Lovers of the Poor

 arrive. The Ladies from the Ladies' Betterment
League
Arrive in the afternoon, the late light slanting
In diluted gold bars across the boulevard brag
Of proud, seamed faces with mercy and murder hinting
Here, there, interrupting, all deep and debonair,
The pink paint on the innocence of fear;
Walk in a gingerly manner up the hall. 
Cutting with knives served by their softest care,
Served by their love, so barbarously fair.
Whose mothers taught: You'd better not be cruel!
You had better not throw stones upon the wrens!
Herein they kiss and coddle and assault
Anew and dearly in the innocence
With which they baffle nature. Who are full,
Sleek, tender-clad, fit, fiftyish, a-glow, all
Sweetly abortive, hinting at fat fruit,
Judge it high time that fiftyish fingers felt
Beneath the lovelier planes of enterprise.
To resurrect. To moisten with milky chill.
To be a random hitching post or plush.
To be, for wet eyes, random and handy hem.
Their guild is giving money to the poor.
The worthy poor. The very very worthy
And beautiful poor. Perhaps just not too swarthy?
Perhaps just not too dirty nor too dim
Nor--passionate. In truth, what they could wish
Is--something less than derelict or dull.
Not staunch enough to stab, though, gaze for gaze!
God shield them sharply from the beggar-bold!
The noxious needy ones whose battle's bald
Nonetheless for being voiceless, hits one down.
But it's all so bad! and entirely too much for them.
The stench; the urine, cabbage, and dead beans,
Dead porridges of assorted dusty grains,
The old smoke, heavy diapers, and, they're told,
Something called chitterlings. The darkness. Drawn
Darkness, or dirty light. The soil that stirs.
The soil that looks the soil of centuries.
And for that matter the general oldness. Old
Wood. Old marble. Old tile. Old old old.
Note homekind Oldness! Not Lake Forest, Glencoe.
Nothing is sturdy, nothing is majestic,
There is no quiet drama, no rubbed glaze, no
Unkillable infirmity of such
A tasteful turn as lately they have left,
Glencoe, Lake Forest, and to which their cars
Must presently restore them. When they're done
With dullards and distortions of this fistic
Patience of the poor and put-upon.
They've never seen such a make-do-ness as
Newspaper rugs before! In this, this "flat,"
Their hostess is gathering up the oozed, the rich
Rugs of the morning (tattered! the bespattered . . . ),
Readies to spread clean rugs for afternoon.
Here is a scene for you. The Ladies look,
In horror, behind a substantial citizeness
Whose trains clank out across her swollen heart.
Who, arms akimbo, almost fills a door.
All tumbling children, quilts dragged to the floor
And tortured thereover, potato peelings, soft-
Eyed kitten, hunched-up, haggard, to-be-hurt.
Their League is allotting largesse to the Lost.
But to put their clean, their pretty money, to put
Their money collected from delicate rose-fingers
Tipped with their hundred flawless rose-nails seems . . . 
They own Spode, Lowestoft, candelabra,
Mantels, and hostess gowns, and sunburst clocks,
Turtle soup, Chippendale, red satin "hangings,"
Aubussons and Hattie Carnegie. They Winter
In Palm Beach; cross the Water in June; attend,
When suitable, the nice Art Institute;
Buy the right books in the best bindings; saunter
On Michigan, Easter mornings, in sun or wind.
Oh Squalor! This sick four-story hulk, this fibre
With fissures everywhere! Why, what are bringings
Of loathe-love largesse? What shall peril hungers
So old old, what shall flatter the desolate?
Tin can, blocked fire escape and chitterling
And swaggering seeking youth and the puzzled wreckage
Of the middle passage, and urine and stale shames
And, again, the porridges of the underslung
And children children children. Heavens! That
Was a rat, surely, off there, in the shadows? Long
And long-tailed? Gray? The Ladies from the Ladies'
Betterment League agree it will be better
To achieve the outer air that rights and steadies,
To hie to a house that does not holler, to ring
Bells elsetime, better presently to cater
To no more Possibilities, to get
Away. Perhaps the money can be posted.
Perhaps they two may choose another Slum!
Some serious sooty half-unhappy home!--
Where loathe-lover likelier may be invested.
Keeping their scented bodies in the center
Of the hall as they walk down the hysterical hall,
They allow their lovely skirts to graze no wall,
Are off at what they manage of a canter,
And, resuming all the clues of what they were,
Try to avoid inhaling the laden air.
Written by Barry Tebb | Create an image from this poem

Apologies For Absence

 Sorry, Neil Oram (with an orange in my pocket)

I can’t make ,your loch-side commune by bonny Drummadrochit.



Sorry Brenda Williams, I can’t share your park bench protest near the Royal Free

At sixty I need a fire and slippers, -4 outside just isn’t me.



Sorry, Chris Torrance, I can’t make your Welsh eyrie

Just spelling Gymmercher Isaf Pontneathvaughan quite fazes me.



Sorry, Seamus Famous, your hide away in Dublin Bay

No doubt is bloody grand but I can’t face the journey to a far off foreign land.



Sorry James Kirkup, your Andorran niche

Is just too complicated for me to ever reach.

Apologies especially to Emily Bronte’s ghost -

You are the mostest hostess that I could ever boast

Your heather moor and cobbled street’s allure

Are something I’ve put off until the braw New Year.
Written by John Keats | Create an image from this poem

Robin Hood

 to a friend 

No! those days are gone away
And their hours are old and gray,
And their minutes buried all
Under the down-trodden pall
Of the leaves of many years:
Many times have winter's shears,
Frozen North, and chilling East,
Sounded tempests to the feast
Of the forest's whispering fleeces,
Since men knew nor rent nor leases.

 No, the bugle sounds no more,
And the twanging bow no more;
Silent is the ivory shrill
Past the heath and up the hill;
There is no mid-forest laugh,
Where lone Echo gives the half
To some wight, amaz'd to hear
Jesting, deep in forest drear.

 On the fairest time of June
You may go, with sun or moon,
Or the seven stars to light you,
Or the polar ray to right you;
But you never may behold
Little John, or Robin bold;
Never one, of all the clan,
Thrumming on an empty can
Some old hunting ditty, while
He doth his green way beguile
To fair hostess Merriment,
Down beside the pasture Trent;
For he left the merry tale
Messenger for spicy ale.

 Gone, the merry morris din;
Gone, the song of Gamelyn;
Gone, the tough-belted outlaw
Idling in the "grenè shawe";
All are gone away and past!
And if Robin should be cast
Sudden from his turfed grave,
And if Marian should have
Once again her forest days,
She would weep, and he would craze:
He would swear, for all his oaks,
Fall'n beneath the dockyard strokes,
Have rotted on the briny seas;
She would weep that her wild bees
Sang not to her--strange! that honey
Can't be got without hard money!

 So it is: yet let us sing,
Honour to the old bow-string!
Honour to the bugle-horn!
Honour to the woods unshorn!
Honour to the Lincoln green!
Honour to the archer keen!
Honour to tight little John,
And the horse he rode upon!
Honour to bold Robin Hood,
Sleeping in the underwood!
Honour to maid Marian,
 And to all the Sherwood-clan!
Though their days have hurried by
Let us two a burden try.
Written by Mac Hammond | Create an image from this poem

Thanksgiving

 The man who stands above the bird, his knife
Sharp as a Turkish scimitar, first removes
A thigh and leg, half the support
On which the turkey used to stand. This
Leg and thigh he sets on an extra
Plate. All his weight now on 
One leg, he lunges for the wing, the wing
On the same side of the bird from which
He has just removed the leg and thigh.
He frees the wing enough to expose
The breast, the wing not severed but
Collapsed down to the platter. One hand
Holding the fork, piercing the turkey
Anywhere, he now beings to slice the breast,
Afflicted by small pains in his chest,
A kind of heartburn for which there is no 
Cure. He serves the hostess breast, her 
Own breast rising and falling. And so on,
Till all the guests are served, the turkey
Now a wreck, the carver exhausted, a
Mere carcass of his former self. Everyone
Says thanks to the turkey carver and begins
To eat, thankful for the cold turkey
And the Republic for which it stands.


Written by Robert Burns | Create an image from this poem

88. The Author's Earnest Cry and Prayer

 YE Irish lords, ye knights an’ squires,
Wha represent our brughs an’ shires,
An’ doucely manage our affairs
 In parliament,
To you a simple poet’s pray’rs
 Are humbly sent.


Alas! my roupit Muse is hearse!
Your Honours’ hearts wi’ grief ’twad pierce,
To see her sittin on her ****
 Low i’ the dust,
And scriechinh out prosaic verse,
 An like to brust!


Tell them wha hae the chief direction,
Scotland an’ me’s in great affliction,
E’er sin’ they laid that curst restriction
 On aqua-vit&æ;
An’ rouse them up to strong conviction,
 An’ move their pity.


Stand forth an’ tell yon Premier youth
The honest, open, naked truth:
Tell him o’ mine an’ Scotland’s drouth,
 His servants humble:
The muckle deevil blaw you south
 If ye dissemble!


Does ony great man glunch an’ gloom?
Speak out, an’ never fash your thumb!
Let posts an’ pensions sink or soom
 Wi’ them wha grant them;
If honestly they canna come,
 Far better want them.


In gath’rin votes you were na slack;
Now stand as tightly by your tack:
Ne’er claw your lug, an’ fidge your back,
 An’ hum an’ haw;
But raise your arm, an’ tell your crack
 Before them a’.


Paint Scotland greetin owre her thrissle;
Her mutchkin stowp as toom’s a whissle;
An’ d—mn’d excisemen in a bussle,
 Seizin a stell,
Triumphant crushin’t like a mussel,
 Or limpet shell!


Then, on the tither hand present her—
A blackguard smuggler right behint her,
An’ cheek-for-chow, a chuffie vintner
 Colleaguing join,
Picking her pouch as bare as winter
 Of a’ kind coin.


Is there, that bears the name o’ Scot,
But feels his heart’s bluid rising hot,
To see his poor auld mither’s pot
 Thus dung in staves,
An’ plunder’d o’ her hindmost groat
 By gallows knaves?


Alas! I’m but a nameless wight,
Trode i’ the mire out o’ sight?
But could I like Montgomeries fight,
 Or gab like Boswell, 2
There’s some sark-necks I wad draw tight,
 An’ tie some hose well.


God bless your Honours! can ye see’t—
The kind, auld cantie carlin greet,
An’ no get warmly to your feet,
 An’ gar them hear it,
An’ tell them wi’a patriot-heat
 Ye winna bear it?


Some o’ you nicely ken the laws,
To round the period an’ pause,
An’ with rhetoric clause on clause
 To mak harangues;
Then echo thro’ Saint Stephen’s wa’s
 Auld Scotland’s wrangs.


Dempster, 3 a true blue Scot I’se warran’;
Thee, aith-detesting, chaste Kilkerran; 4
An’ that glib-gabbit Highland baron,
 The Laird o’ Graham; 5
An’ ane, a chap that’s damn’d aulfarran’,
 Dundas his name: 6


Erskine, a spunkie Norland billie; 7
True Campbells, Frederick and Ilay; 8
An’ Livistone, the bauld Sir Willie; 9
 An’ mony ithers,
Whom auld Demosthenes or Tully
 Might own for brithers.


See sodger Hugh, 10 my watchman stented,
If poets e’er are represented;
I ken if that your sword were wanted,
 Ye’d lend a hand;
But when there’s ought to say anent it,
 Ye’re at a stand.


Arouse, my boys! exert your mettle,
To get auld Scotland back her kettle;
Or faith! I’ll wad my new pleugh-pettle,
 Ye’ll see’t or lang,
She’ll teach you, wi’ a reekin whittle,
 Anither sang.


This while she’s been in crankous mood,
Her lost Militia fir’d her bluid;
(Deil na they never mair do guid,
 Play’d her that pliskie!)
An’ now she’s like to rin red-wud
 About her whisky.


An’ Lord! if ance they pit her till’t,
Her tartan petticoat she’ll kilt,
An’durk an’ pistol at her belt,
 She’ll tak the streets,
An’ rin her whittle to the hilt,
 I’ the first she meets!


For God sake, sirs! then speak her fair,
An’ straik her cannie wi’ the hair,
An’ to the muckle house repair,
 Wi’ instant speed,
An’ strive, wi’ a’ your wit an’ lear,
 To get remead.


Yon ill-tongu’d tinkler, Charlie Fox,
May taunt you wi’ his jeers and mocks;
But gie him’t het, my hearty cocks!
 E’en cowe the cadie!
An’ send him to his dicing box
 An’ sportin’ lady.


Tell you guid bluid o’ auld Boconnock’s, 11
I’ll be his debt twa mashlum bonnocks,
An’ drink his health in auld Nance Tinnock’s 12
 Nine times a-week,
If he some scheme, like tea an’ winnocks,
 Was kindly seek.


Could he some commutation broach,
I’ll pledge my aith in guid braid Scotch,
He needna fear their foul reproach
 Nor erudition,
Yon mixtie-maxtie, ***** hotch-potch,
 The Coalition.


Auld Scotland has a raucle tongue;
She’s just a devil wi’ a rung;
An’ if she promise auld or young
 To tak their part,
Tho’ by the neck she should be strung,
 She’ll no desert.


And now, ye chosen Five-and-Forty,
May still you mither’s heart support ye;
Then, tho’a minister grow dorty,
 An’ kick your place,
Ye’ll snap your gingers, poor an’ hearty,
 Before his face.


God bless your Honours, a’ your days,
Wi’ sowps o’ kail and brats o’ claise,
In spite o’ a’ the thievish kaes,
 That haunt St. Jamie’s!
Your humble poet sings an’ prays,
 While Rab his name is.


POSTSCRIPTLET half-starv’d slaves in warmer skies
See future wines, rich-clust’ring, rise;
Their lot auld Scotland ne’re envies,
 But, blythe and frisky,
She eyes her freeborn, martial boys
 Tak aff their whisky.


What tho’ their Phoebus kinder warms,
While fragrance blooms and beauty charms,
When wretches range, in famish’d swarms,
 The scented groves;
Or, hounded forth, dishonour arms
 In hungry droves!


Their gun’s a burden on their shouther;
They downa bide the stink o’ powther;
Their bauldest thought’s a hank’ring swither
 To stan’ or rin,
Till skelp—a shot—they’re aff, a’throw’ther,
 To save their skin.


But bring a Scotchman frae his hill,
Clap in his cheek a Highland gill,
Say, such is royal George’s will,
 An’ there’s the foe!
He has nae thought but how to kill
 Twa at a blow.


Nae cauld, faint-hearted doubtings tease him;
Death comes, wi’ fearless eye he sees him;
Wi’bluidy hand a welcome gies him;
 An’ when he fa’s,
His latest draught o’ breathin lea’es him
 In faint huzzas.


Sages their solemn een may steek,
An’ raise a philosophic reek,
An’ physically causes seek,
 In clime an’ season;
But tell me whisky’s name in Greek
 I’ll tell the reason.


Scotland, my auld, respected mither!
Tho’ whiles ye moistify your leather,
Till, whare ye sit on craps o’ heather,
 Ye tine your dam;
Freedom an’ whisky gang thegither!
 Take aff your dram!


 Note 1. This was written before the Act anent the Scotch distilleries, of session 1786, for which Scotland and the author return their most grateful thanks.—R. B. [back]
Note 2. James Boswell of Auchinleck, the biographer of Johnson. [back]
Note 3. George Dempster of Dunnichen. [back]
Note 4. Sir Adam Ferguson of Kilkerran, Bart. [back]
Note 5. The Marquis of Graham, eldest son of the Duke of Montrose. [back]
Note 6. Right Hon. Henry Dundas, M. P. [back]
Note 7. Probably Thomas, afterward Lord Erskine. [back]
Note 8. Lord Frederick Campbell, second brother of the Duke of Argyll, and Ilay Campbell, Lord Advocate for Scotland, afterward President of the Court of Session. [back]
Note 9. Sir Wm. Augustus Cunningham, Baronet, of Livingstone. [back]
Note 10. Col. Hugh Montgomery, afterward Earl of Eglinton. [back]
Note 11. Pitt, whose grandfather was of Boconnock in Cornwall. [back]
Note 12. A worthy old hostess of the author’s in Mauchline, where he sometimes studies politics over a glass of gude auld Scotch Drink.—R. B. [back]
Written by Ogden Nash | Create an image from this poem

To My Valentine

 More than a catbird hates a cat,
Or a criminal hates a clue,
Or the Axis hates the United States,
That's how much I love you.

I love you more than a duck can swim,
And more than a grapefruit squirts,
I love you more than a gin rummy is a bore,
And more than a toothache hurts.

As a shipwrecked sailor hates the sea,
Or a juggler hates a shove,
As a hostess detests unexpected guests,
That's how much you I love.

I love you more than a wasp can sting,
And more than the subway jerks,
I love you as much as a beggar needs a crutch,
And more than a hangnail irks.

I swear to you by the stars above,
And below, if such there be,
As the High Court loathes perjurious oathes,
That's how you're love by me.
Written by Ogden Nash | Create an image from this poem

Winter Complaint

 Now when I have a cold
I am careful with my cold, 
I consult a physician 
And I do as I am told. 
I muffle up my torso 
In woolly woolly garb, 
And I quaff great flagons 
Of sodium bicarb. 
I munch on aspirin, 
I lunch on water, 
And I wouldn’t dream of osculating
Anybody’s daughter, 
And to anybody’s son 
I wouldn’t say howdy, 
For I am a sufferer 
Magna cum laude. 
I don’t like germs, 
But I’ll keep the germs I’ve got. 
Will I take a chance of spreading them?
Definitely not. 
I sneeze out the window 
And I cough up the flue,
And I live like a hermit 
Till the germs get through. 
And because I’m considerate, 
Because I’m wary, 
I am treated by my friends 
Like Typhoid Mary. 

Now when you have a cold 
You are careless with your cold, 
You are cocky as a gangster 
Who has just been paroled. 
You ignore your physician, 
You eat steaks and oxtails, 
You stuff yourself with starches, 
You drink lots of cocktails, 
And you claim that gargling 
Is a time of waste, 
And you won’t take soda 
For you don’t like the taste, 
And you prowl around parties 
Full of selfish bliss, 
And greet your hostess
With a genial kiss. 
You convert yourself 
Into a deadly missle, 
You exhale Hello’s 
Like a steamboat wistle. 
You sneeze in the subway 
And you cough at dances, 
And let everybody else 
Take their own good chances.
You’re a bronchial boor, 
A bacterial blighter, 
And you get more invitations
Than a gossip writer. 

Yes, your throat is froggy, 
And your eyes are swimmy, 
And you hand is clammy, 
And you nose is brimmy, 
But you woo my girls 
And their hearts you jimmy 
While I sit here 
With the cold you gimmy.
Written by Charles Bukowski | Create an image from this poem

New Mexico

 I was fairly drunk when it
began and I took out my bottle and used it
along the way. I was reading a week or two after
Kandel and I did not look quite as
pretty but
I brought it off and we
ended up at the Webbs, 6, 8, 10 of
us, and I drank scotch, wine, beer, tequila
and noticed a nice one sitting next to me -
one tooth missing when she smiled,
lovely, and I put my arm around her
and began loading her with ********.
when I awakened at 10 a.m. the next morning
I was in a strange house
in bed with this
woman. she was asleep but looked
familiar.
I got up and here was one kid running around in a
crib and another one running around the floor in
pajamas. I picked up a letter addressed to one
"Betsy R.", so I went back and said,
"hey, Betsy, there are kids running around all over
this place."
"oh Hank, damn it, I'm sick. I want to sleep, not
rap."
"but look, the ..."
"make yourself some
coffee."
I put the pot on and the little boy ran up in his
pajamas. I found a shirt and some pants and some
shoes and
dressed him.
then I cleaned a bottle with hot water, filled it
with milk and gave it to the kid in the
crib. he went for
it.
then I went in and squeezed her
hand. "I've got to go. are you all
right ?"
"yes, a little sick. but please don't feel
bad."
I called a yellow cab and we went back across
town.
is this what happened to
D. Thomas ? I thought.
if a man didn't think too much he could be proud of his little
conquests -
except that the women were better than we - asking nothing
as we squirted our poetry
our ******** our
sperm to
them.
we were sick poets sick
people.
across town I knocked on the door of my host and
hostess.
"what happened ?" they
asked.
"nothing. got
lost."
they sat a beer in front of me
and I drank it as if I were
wordly:
a piece-of-ass
any-night
anywhere
type.
"somebody got a
cigarette ?" I asked.
"sure, sure."
I lit up and asked,
"heard from Creely
lately ?"
not giving a damn whether they had or
not.
Written by Jonathan Swift | Create an image from this poem

Phillis Or the Progress of Love

 Desponding Phillis was endu'd 
With ev'ry Talent of a Prude, 
She trembled when a Man drew near; 
Salute her, and she turn'd her Ear: 
If o'er against her you were plac't 
She durst not look above your Wa[i]st; 
She'd rather take you to her Bed 
Than let you see her dress her Head; 
In Church you heard her thro' the Crowd 
Repeat the Absolution loud; 
In Church, secure behind her Fan 
She durst behold that Monster, Man: 
There practic'd how to place her Head, 
And bit her Lips to make them red: 
Or on the Matt devoutly kneeling 
Would lift her Eyes up to the Ceeling, 
And heave her Bosom unaware 
For neighb'ring Beaux to see it bare. 
At length a lucky Lover came, 
And found Admittance to the Dame. 
Suppose all Partys now agreed, 
The Writings drawn, the Lawyer fee'd, 
The Vicar and the Ring bespoke: 
Guess how could such a Match be broke. 
See then what Mortals place their Bliss in! 
Next morn betimes the Bride was missing, 
The Mother scream'd, the Father chid, 
Where can this idle Wench be hid? 
No news of Phil. The Bridegroom came, 
And thought his Bride had sculk't for shame, 
Because her Father us'd to say 
The Girl had such a Bashfull way. 
Now John the Butler must be sent 
To learn the Road that Phillis went; 
The Groom was wisht to saddle Crop, 
For John must neither light nor stop; 
But find her where so'er she fled, 
And bring her back, alive or dead. 
See here again the Dev'l to do; 
For truly John was missing too: 
The Horse and Pillion both were gone 
Phillis, it seems, was fled with John. 
Old Madam who went up to find 
What Papers Phil had left behind, 
A Letter on the Toylet sees 
To my much honor'd Father; These: 
('Tis always done, Romances tell us, 
When Daughters run away with Fellows) 
Fill'd with the choicest common-places, 
By others us'd in the like Cases. 
That, long ago a Fortune-teller 
Exactly said what now befell her, 
And in a Glass had made her see 
A serving-Man of low Degree: 
It was her Fate; must be forgiven; 
For Marriages were made in Heaven: 
His Pardon begg'd, but to be plain, 
She'd do't if 'twere to do again. 
Thank God, 'twas neither Shame nor Sin, 
For John was come of honest Kin: 
Love never thinks of Rich and Poor, 
She'd beg with John from Door to Door: 
Forgive her, if it be a Crime, 
She'll never do't another Time, 
She ne'r before in all her Life 
Once disobey'd him, Maid nor Wife. 
One Argument she summ'd up all in, 
The Thing was done and past recalling: 
And therefore hop'd she should recover 
His Favor, when his Passion's over. 
She valued not what others thought her; 
And was--His most obedient Daughter. 
Fair Maidens all attend the Muse 
Who now the wandring Pair pursues: 
Away they rose in homely Sort 
Their Journy long, their Money Short; 
The loving Couple well bemir'd, 
The Horse and both the Riders tir'd: 
Their Vittells bad, their Lodging worse, 
Phil cry'd, and John began to curse; 
Phil wish't, that she had strained a Limb 
When first she ventur'd out with him. 
John wish't, that he had broke a Leg 
When first for her he quitted Peg. 
But what Adventures more befell 'em 
The Muse hath now no time to tell 'em. 
How Jonny wheadled, threatned, fawnd, 
Till Phillis all her Trinkets pawn'd: 
How oft she broke her marriage Vows 
In kindness to maintain her Spouse; 
Till Swains unwholsome spoyled the Trade, 
For now the Surgeon must be paid; 
To whom those Perquisites are gone 
In Christian Justice due to John. 
When Food and Rayment now grew scarce 
Fate put a Period to the Farce; 
And with exact Poetic Justice: 
For John is Landlord, Phillis Hostess; 
They keep at Stains the old blue Boar, 
Are Cat and Dog, and Rogue and Whore.

Book: Radiant Verses: A Journey Through Inspiring Poetry