Written by
Robert Burns |
WHAT ails ye now, ye lousie *****
To thresh my back at sic a pitch?
Losh, man! hae mercy wi’ your natch,
Your bodkin’s bauld;
I didna suffer half sae much
Frae Daddie Auld.
What tho’ at times, when I grow crouse,
I gie their wames a random pouse,
Is that enough for you to souse
Your servant sae?
Gae mind your seam, ye prick-the-louse,
An’ jag-the-flea!
King David, o’ poetic brief,
Wrocht ’mang the lasses sic mischief
As filled his after-life wi’ grief,
An’ bluidy rants,
An’ yet he’s rank’d amang the chief
O’ lang-syne saunts.
And maybe, Tam, for a’ my cants,
My wicked rhymes, an’ drucken rants,
I’ll gie auld cloven’s Clootie’s haunts
An unco slip yet,
An’ snugly sit amang the saunts,
At Davie’s hip yet!
But, fegs! the session says I maun
Gae fa’ upo’ anither plan
Than garrin lasses coup the cran,
Clean heels ower body,
An’ sairly thole their mother’s ban
Afore the howdy.
This leads me on to tell for sport,
How I did wi’ the Session sort;
Auld Clinkum, at the inner port,
Cried three times, “Robin!
Come hither lad, and answer for’t,
Ye’re blam’d for jobbin!”
Wi’ pinch I put a Sunday’s face on,
An’ snoov’d awa before the Session:
I made an open, fair confession—
I scorn’t to lee,
An’ syne Mess John, beyond expression,
Fell foul o’ me.
A fornicator-loun he call’d me,
An’ said my faut frae bliss expell’d me;
I own’d the tale was true he tell’d me,
“But, what the matter?
(Quo’ I) I fear unless ye geld me,
I’ll ne’er be better!”
“Geld you! (quo’ he) an’ what for no?
If that your right hand, leg or toe
Should ever prove your sp’ritual foe,
You should remember
To cut it aff—an’ what for no
Your dearest member?”
“Na, na, (quo’ I,) I’m no for that,
Gelding’s nae better than ’tis ca’t;
I’d rather suffer for my faut
A hearty flewit,
As sair owre hip as ye can draw’t,
Tho’ I should rue it.
“Or, gin ye like to end the bother,
To please us a’—I’ve just ae ither—
When next wi’ yon lass I forgather,
Whate’er betide it,
I’ll frankly gie her ’t a’ thegither,
An’ let her guide it.”
But, sir, this pleas’d them warst of a’,
An’ therefore, Tam, when that I saw,
I said “Gude night,” an’ cam’ awa’,
An’ left the Session;
I saw they were resolvèd a’
On my oppression.
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Written by
Robert Burns |
O ROUGH, rude, ready-witted Rankine,
The wale o’ cocks for fun an’ drinkin!
There’s mony godly folks are thinkin,
Your dreams and tricks
Will send you, Korah-like, a-sinkin
Straught to auld Nick’s.
Ye hae saw mony cracks an’ cants,
And in your wicked, drucken rants,
Ye mak a devil o’ the saunts,
An’ fill them fou;
And then their failings, flaws, an’ wants,
Are a’ seen thro’.
Hypocrisy, in mercy spare it!
That holy robe, O dinna tear it!
Spare’t for their sakes, wha aften wear it—
The lads in black;
But your curst wit, when it comes near it,
Rives’t aff their back.
Think, wicked Sinner, wha ye’re skaithing:
It’s just the Blue-gown badge an’ claithing
O’ saunts; tak that, ye lea’e them naething
To ken them by
Frae ony unregenerate heathen,
Like you or I.
I’ve sent you here some rhyming ware,
A’ that I bargain’d for, an’ mair;
Sae, when ye hae an hour to spare,
I will expect,
Yon sang ye’ll sen’t, wi’ cannie care,
And no neglect.
Tho’ faith, sma’ heart hae I to sing!
My muse dow scarcely spread her wing;
I’ve play’d mysel a bonie spring,
An’ danc’d my fill!
I’d better gaen an’ sair’t the king,
At Bunker’s Hill.
’Twas ae night lately, in my fun,
I gaed a rovin’ wi’ the gun,
An’ brought a paitrick to the grun’—
A bonie hen;
And, as the twilight was begun,
Thought nane wad ken.
The poor, wee thing was little hurt;
I straikit it a wee for sport,
Ne’er thinkin they wad fash me for’t;
But, Deil-ma-care!
Somebody tells the poacher-court
The hale affair.
Some auld, us’d hands had taen a note,
That sic a hen had got a shot;
I was suspected for the plot;
I scorn’d to lie;
So gat the whissle o’ my groat,
An’ pay’t the fee.
But by my gun, o’ guns the wale,
An’ by my pouther an’ my hail,
An’ by my hen, an’ by her tail,
I vow an’ swear!
The game shall pay, o’er muir an’ dale,
For this, niest year.
As soon’s the clockin-time is by,
An’ the wee pouts begun to cry,
Lord, I’se hae sporting by an’ by
For my gowd guinea,
Tho’ I should herd the buckskin kye
For’t in Virginia.
Trowth, they had muckle for to blame!
’Twas neither broken wing nor limb,
But twa-three draps about the wame,
Scarce thro’ the feathers;
An’ baith a yellow George to claim,
An’ thole their blethers!
It pits me aye as mad’s a hare;
So I can rhyme nor write nae mair;
But pennyworths again is fair,
When time’s expedient:
Meanwhile I am, respected Sir,
Your most obedient.
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