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...u know, 
You can believe 'em, though they took an oath 
On forty Bibles that they's tell the truth. 
But anyhow, an amateur was up 
On this Enchantress; and so Ike and me, 
We thought that we might frighten him a bit 
By asking if he minded riding rough -- 
"Oh, not at all," says he, "oh, not at all! 
I heard at Robbo Park, and if it comes 
To bumping I'm your Moses! Strike me blue!" 

Says he, "I'll bump you over either rail, 
The inside rail or outside -- which you choo...Read more of this...

...he begins to forget.

And his soul is seasoned, his soul
is very professional.
Only his body remains forever
an amateur. It tries and it misses,
gets muddled, doesn't learn a thing,
drunk and blind in its pleasures 
and its pains.

He will die as figs die in autumn,
Shriveled and full of himself and sweet,
the leaves growing dry on the ground,
the bare branches pointing to the place
where there's time for everything....Read more of this...

...ast the Viceroy and his Council, to perspire
 In our fire!"
And for answer to the argument, in vain
 We explain
That an amateur Saint Lawrence cannot fry:
 "All must fry!"
That the Merchant risks the perils of the Plain
 For gain.
Nor can Rulers rule a house that men grow rich in,
 From its kitchen.
Let the Babu drop inflammatory hints
 In his prints;
And mature -- consistent soul -- his plan for stealing
 To Darjeeling:
Let the Merchant seek, who makes his silver pil...Read more of this...

...You see that sheaf of slender books
Upon the topmost shelf,
At which no browser ever looks,
Because they're by . . . myself;
They're neatly bound in navy blue,
But no one ever heeds;
Their print is clear and candid too,
Yet no one ever reads.

Poor wistful books! How much they cost
To me in time and gold!
I count them now as labour lost,
Fo...Read more of this...

...allus

Called him Sykesy" and so it was, Sweet Agony,

Written in prison by one Paul Sykes, her most

Famous inamorato, amateur boxing champion

Of all England, twenty years inside, fly-pitcher

Supreme, king of spielers; how she hated you

For beating her, getting it all down on paper,

Even making money for doing it, "That bastard

Cheated me, writing lying filth about me and

I never saw a penny!" she’d mutter, side-mouthed,

To her pals.

But that book, that bloody bo...Read more of this...

...th belonged to what is called "the take-you-down brigade". 
They said their horse could jump like fun, and asked an amateur 
To ride him in the steeplechase, and told him they were sure 
The last time round he'd sail away with such a swallow's flight 
The rest would never see him go -- he's finish out of sight. 

So out he went; and, when folk saw the amateur was up, 
Some local genius called the race "the Dude-in-Danger Cup". 
The horse was known as "Who's Afraid...Read more of this...

...right on the jaw -- and, when the chance comes, make sure! 
And it's there a professional bloke like me gets home on an amateur: 
For it's my experience every day, and I make no doubt it's yours, 
That a third-class pro is an over-match for the best of the amateurs --" 
"Oh, take your swag to the travellers' hut," said Smith, "for you waste your breath; 
You've a first-class chance, if you lose the fight, of talking your man to death. 
I'll tell the cook you're to have yo...Read more of this...

...resulted in serious harm.
But it was so fine, I could not wait,
So I brought it with me despite its state."
"An amateur of arms," I thought,
"Bringing home a prize which he has bought."
"You care for this sort of thing, Dear Sir?"
"Not in the way which you infer.
I need them in business, that is all."
And he pointed his finger at the wall.
Then I saw what I had not noticed before.
The walls were hung with at least five score
Of swords and daggers o...Read more of this...

...Him goin' to ride for us! Him -- with the pants and the eyeglass and all. 
Amateur! don't he just look it -- it's twenty to one on a fall. 
Boss must be gone off his head to be sending out steeplechase crack 
Out over fences like these with an object like that on his back. 
Ride! Don't tell me he can ride. With his pants just as loose as balloons, 
How can he sit on a horse? and his spurs like a pair of harpoons; 
Ought...Read more of this...

...A full-fledged gun cannot endure
The trifling of an amateur;
Poor marksmanship its temper spoils
And this is why the gun recoils.

A self-respecting gun I’m sure
Delights to jar the amateur
And thinks that it is no disgrace
To kick his shoulder out of place.

Moral

When you go out to hunt, my son
Prepare to circumvent your gun
And on your shoulder firmly bind
A pillow of the largest kind....Read more of this...

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