I have always wondered with people around me, who claimed to have loved me or needed me or wanted me in their precious life . I always wondered did I really belong there? Did I hold even a space of a tiny sugar cube ? How do you know it ? How do you know if the person who claims a majestic palace of yours in their life , is not a myth ? How do you know they are real unlike any other actors? How do you peep inside the physical and emotional functioning of a human heart and brain ?
Most of the time, I failed or rather; every single time. I was tricked by my own intuitions, my own fears and my own obsession. I have come to believe , when you get attached to someone or you are captured in the magnified magic of the so called word called love, your cerebellum along with your cerebrum travels to a parallel world of appearances and thoughts just like in a fantasy land. You come to think that everything happening is the wonderful exchange of romance between the two. Your brain is well cushioned with a mirage of feelings and emotions that were thought to be in each other’s heart. But in reality you never know , what exactly is the other person feeling in the world of reality . Sometimes you get betrayed by your own puzzle of emotions.
Suddenly, that parallel world of enigmatic passion disappears ! Your brain that teleported itself, was left in an empty barren piece of land. Everything vanished in a pinch of a second , that place where you imagined your love’s sentiments, suddenly left you behind and travelled back to the real world. And you started questioning the existence of the whole relationship that you built while in an amour blackout.
You feel empty, you feel betrayed or cheated and you blame the other person about playing with your feelings . Everything was just but a whimsical land full of wishes, dreams that you thought were received by the other person but when the clock struck the midnight of reality, it ended. The oblivion started fading, emotions started disappearing and dissolving , breaking of heart happened, tears rolled down and etc. Everything returns to it original place. The cycle of the phantasmic love begins again !
And then comes the real and bitter truth of life !
Was I not suitable enough for those emotions to remain real? Was I not worth a fraction of a thought?
Was I on the hypothetical side of love?