Jean-Claud Is Santa Claus
'Twas the night before Christmas, I awoke
to Santa in my house, a chubby bloke
He rubbed his pudgy tummy
Said, "The cookies are yummy.
But can you offer me a rum and coke?"
I stared at him with my mouth wide open
Hopin' Santa wasn't high from dopin'
He pointed to his nose
And told me, "This job blows,
It's the best way I can keep on copin'."
There were stomping sounds coming from my roof
One of his reindeer has a twitchy hoof
"When Rudolph has to go
That's how he lets me know."
Was Santa Claus tricking me with a spoof?
He asked about my wife. What a perve!
Thinking he was kinky threw me a curve
When he started dancing
The reindeer were prancing
All of them had gotten on my last nerve!
I finally kicked him out of my house
When he said he wanted to kiss my spouse
Dasher said, "That's a wrap.
Enough of this fake crap.
Santa's going down for being a louse!
The reindeer flew away, just before dawn
Leaving Santa Claus sprawled upon my lawn
I hid him beneath a quilt
Behind a snowman I built
So, my kids wouldn't know he's just a con
We scattered toys we'd bought under the tree
They'd never know they were from Mom and me
Nor that Santa's a fraud
Whose real name is Jean-Claude
Who imbibed far too much beer and Chablis!
Copyright © Jenna Logan | Year Posted 2022
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