Notes About The Poem

                                   Cast of Gamblers:

*Jack of Hearts: That's me                 *Diamond Craig Bowden

*Big John Whitehouse                        *Richy "Fat Boy" Norris

                       *Ngaire "Queen of Spades" Moir

These particular gamblers and horse thieves are real. Most (okay, some) of what's written below is true. Actually very little but in this pack there was more than just one joker and we were armed only with our wits.

PS: nobody got shot or killed in the making of this tale, but some got cleaned out!

The Jack of Hearts

Listen to poem:
                                      ~~~~~

 The players were hangin’ ‘round but were all headin’ for a fall,
  the room was quiet except for the drillin’ in the wall.
 The curfew had been lifted and “No Gamblin’” signs torn down,
  anyone with a lick of sense had already left town -
 they were pissin’ in their boots starin’ at the Jack of Hearts

 They were thinkin’ to themselves “I know I’ve seen that face before,
  maybe down in Albany or a wanted poster on a sh-ithouse door”.
 The boys began to twitch and a hard drinkin’ voice was heard…
 “I’m lookin’ for an honest game" Jack gave ‘em all his word
 but no one was takin’ any chances with the cool Jack of Hearts

 One by one they drifted in as word of outlaw Jack had spread
  and everyone eyed the stash hidden under Big John’s bed.
 Then Jack walked up to Diamond Craig and he asked him with a grin
 “could you kindly tell me, friend, what time this game begins?”
 then every sphincter at that table clenched at the Jack of Hearts

 The cards were shuffled and dealt, there was high tension in the air,
  Diamond Craig was sweatin’ bullets and shakin’ in his chair.
 He lit a smoke and raised the pot sayin’ “you gotta be in to win”.
  Richy folded ‘cos he has no nuts but Big John declared “I’m in!”
 but the man they all had to beat was the Jack of Hearts

 Ngaire started drinkin’ hard and her tongue cut like a sword,
  she was tired of losin’ and planned to turn Jack in for a reward.
 She had done a lot of bad sh-it and with a wild bunch did ride -
  was lookin’ to win big with a joker in her bust hidden inside,
 and she was eyein’ that pot bettin’ against the Jack of Hearts

 Diamond Craig wiped his brow, looked at Jack then looked away,
 “has your luck run out?” baited Jack “you must’ve known it would someday”.
 Then Richy called and said “stranger, I think you’re bluffin’”
  and Jack just winked back at that muppet on his big cigar puffin’ 
“read ‘em and weep, fat boy!” sledged the smilin’ Jack of Hearts

“Fu-ck me!” Big John groaned, “these cards are jinxed I swear,
  there’s somethin’ funny goin’ on” he said, “I can feel it in the air!
 If I catch anyone cheatin’ I’ll shoot ‘em where they stand” -
  everyone was hopin’ they weren’t holdin’ a dead man’s hand,
 everyone that is but the cocked and loaded Jack of Hearts

 No one knew the circumstance but they say it happened pretty quick,
  the lights all went out and a shiny nickel plated revolver did click.
 Big John was layin’ there, a bullet hole between his eyes did burn,
  Ngaire screamed “O’ fu-ck it! Maybe my luck’s about to turn” -
 she emptied his pockets and now was gunnin’ for the Jack of Hearts

 Two doors down the boys finally made it through the wall
  and cleaned out Big John’s stash, they made off with quite a haul.
 Jack said “well boys, it’s a long ride home and it’s gettin’ late”,
  Diamond Craig said “not so fast, Jack” he was holdin’ an inside straight
 but that sh-itkicker never stood a chance with the Jack of Hearts

 The sun was risin’ and the undertaker was up before the dawn,
  no one knew if the next hand a card or gun would be drawn.
 They were all thinkin’ about a killin’, thinkin’ about what they saw,
  thinkin’ about gettin’ killed and thinkin’ about the law,
 but most of all they were thinkin’ about the Jack of Hearts

 Was time to put up or shut-up and Richy sh-it his pants again in fear,
  Diamond Craig flashed his straight and Ngaire flashed her big pair!
 But no cheap trick would stop Jack and as he lay his cards he told ‘em
 “you gotta know when to hold ‘em, know when to fold ‘em”…
 and know when to lie low when the shootin’ starts with the Jack of Hearts

 The next day was judgement day, the sky was overcast and dull,
  Big John lay covered up killed by a pistol shot in his skull.
 They all pointed at Jack and stared but Jack wasn’t the kind to blink,
  Diamond Craig had sobered up and was lookin’ for a drink
 for only a dead man collects the reward for the Jack of Hearts


                           Written: January 2005

This is my version of Dylan’s epic ballad “Lily, Rosemary, & the Jack of Hearts”
Copyright © | Year Posted 2024


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Date: 5/1/2024 8:42:00 PM
Very entertaining version of Jack of Hearts. You might be interested in my take-off of Subterranean Homesick Blues (Archimedean Homesick Blue) - or maybe not because its full of math junk (I was a math major).
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Keith D Trestrail
Date: 5/2/2024 3:54:00 AM
Archimedean, very clever. I shall stop by for a visit.
Date: 4/27/2024 5:10:00 PM
Ack! It's a certain Milton Creek author's alter ego. Hey nice saga and well written Keefer
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Keith D Trestrail
Date: 4/27/2024 6:43:00 PM
Hi there, stranger, you lookin’ for a game? Milton Creek is for simpletons just like Milton was. These gamblers above are real friends I used to play poker with. Always in the background back then I would play Blood on the Tracks and this song reminds me of those days and old friends. I wrote this nearly 20 years ago for a laugh but I thought why not post it. Cheers.
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