zodiac

Some zoom pick-up lines...
You're like COVID, you got me fast and I never saw it coming.
Libraries are closed but I’m checking YOU out.
You're a stimulus package.

Just knowing that "someone" will be on the meeting makes you happy all morning.
Making sure you talk to everyone so no one thinks you're a snob.

*in a zoom meeting with 20 people*
Best Friend: "Hey, remember when you had a crush on....",
Me: "NOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

parents...
Wanting just what they want, eye rolling, emotional outbursts - parents are just like teenagers.

You go to the doctor, they ask what's wrong and you turn to your mom who then explains it.
I look like I'm listening to music but I'm really listening to my parents because I'm a spy teen.

To parents I'm: too young to protest, too young for love, too young for mature content, way too young for sex, too old to play, too old for mermaid sparkle ice cream, too smart to waste time, too immature for grown up conversations - is it a wonder teens rebel??

Tying my shoe for five minutes while my mom scolds me so she won't see the tears in my eyes.

life...
My relationship with my brother is either, "Sure, I'll help you hide the body." or "Stop looking at me! - there's no in-between.

I’m eating a breakfast burrito and reading the newspaper Zodiac sign predictions:
Me: “My Zodiac says, I’m Witty and talkative”
Brother: *putting on his best Dave Chappelle white cop voice*
Brother: "I’m impressed.. they're.. they’re half right”

My mom has bent to political pressure - i've been protesting for a week - and will allow me one cup of coffee in the morning. *looking at my now useless picket posters*
We have this one cabinet full of coffee cups from various medical convention goodie bags my parents have collected over the years.
*holding one up*
"28th International Conference on Clinical & Experimental Cardiology Research", it reads.
"That must have been a three day drunk." I think.
What I'm looking for are the largest three in the collection - so I can slowly increase my dosage.

Ever binge watch a TV show and a girl who was ordinary in seasons 1 thru 3 is suddenly a sex goddess in season 4? I want THAT secret.

My boyfriend is like my car. I don't have a car.

Short horror story:
Someone ate my leftover pizza!! I risked my life for that pizza, g*ddam*it!!

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