You Rang

It was Thanksgiving Eve of 1981. My wife was trying to find a Christmas gift suitable for my very “tasteful” mother in Kamber’s, a very upscale gift shop on the north side. Their other location was downtown, but it was closed in the evenings. Me? I was standing in front of Mr. Ooly’s, a fairly exclusive men’s store next door to Kamber’s in North Park Mall in Oklahoma City. When I say “fairly exclusive”, I mean I could not afford to buy there...not even a tie.

A guy was standing beside me, also gazing upon the displays in the window. “Man, this guy is tall.” I was thinking as the two of us stood looking. He was tall….6’8” or maybe even 6’9”. He was very well dressed, although fairly casual. I got the feeling I had met this guy or at least seen him somewhere before this evening. My mind was racing. I was fairly sure he could afford to go in.

Finally, I could not stand it any longer. I had come up with an actor’s name and I had to know if this man was he. I turned, looking up, and asked, “Excuse me, but aren’t you…” Before I could finish, he smiled and in very deep voice uttered an all-too-familiar phrase….”You rang?” I exclaimed, “That’s it. That’s it. You were Lurch!” I was about to ask him if he was some other actor, but he had saved me from embarrassment with his interruption. He smiled and said, “Ted Cassidy” and reached out to shake my hand. His hand completely enveloped mine; but he was not overly firm, so my hand survived. I imagine he has to take it easy on most handshakes. I asked, “Didn’t you also play Thing?” “Yes, most of the time I played Thing because of the length of my arm.”

I asked what brought him to Oklahoma City for Thanksgiving. He said he was visiting his sister and her family for the holiday weekend and would be returning to California on Monday evening. The time had come. I had to do it. I asked for an autograph. He allowed that he would be happy to give me an autograph. I took him into the store where one of the salesmen had also been staring at “the man in the window.” Ted Cassidy was cordial and provided personalized autographs to all four of us. We talked for a short bit amongst ourselves about the holidays, then Ted had to leave. Me too. My wife was standing outside, looking in the window at our little group, each of us clinging to a piece of paper. When I went out, she asked, “Wasn’t that Lurch!?” I told her about the chance meeting and showed her the autograph. ‘“To my friend Buzz on Thanksgiving” – Ted “Lurch” Cassidy.”’

I kept the autographed paper in a special place, a place normally reserved for OU memorabilia.

After the holiday, I returned to work. I was telling about the experience while standing around outside, the place where nasty smokers had to go if they wanted a cigarette. One of the folks said, “No way. Lurch is dead.” “But I can show you the autograph and he looked exactly like Lurch.” “Not a chance. Lurch is dead…been dead for several years.” So, I contacted the Oklahoman newspaper and asked one of their columnists if Lurch was dead. She told me that Ted Cassidy had passed away in 1979, was cremated and buried in the yard at his home. She said literally hundreds of people attended a post-burial memorial service. He was a well respected person.

So what was the deal?! I think I have figured it out. So many folks had approached the phony Lurch about being the real Lurch that he decided to make folks happy, instead of disappointed. After all, they wanted to meet Lurch and it would be an experience to remember and share with family and friends. So, instead of disappointing them, he made them happy. He would even personalize autographs for them. By the way, I saw a genuine Ted “Lurch” Cassidy autograph and the phony was perfect.

I wonder if any of the others who got an autographs from the phony Lurch have figured it out? He thought they would never know....but I know. Still, I kept mine.

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