Tulips Remind Me to Smile

I'm lonely because my reflection has no one to hold

The outline of my ghost seen from air that is cold

The vacancy used to be home to love so bold

My reflection used to smile the same way the sun made nature happiness unfold

But it's become a mirror of the Jamaican blue waters searching for something tangible in frustration

Anger has become a raging river of pillowcase tears spilling over the edge of my mind in desperation

It feels like fire burning my frozen fingertips to ash when my cloudy eyes began to leak precipitation

I hugged the numbness where my speech completes puzzle, and her fingerprinted lips became my long-forgotten embrace of sensation

Feelings have been evicted, because complacency in place of self-growth was more stylish

My living quarters are filled with the residue of erased poetry regrets because love is too expensive to furnish

I can't afford to keep falling on this psychological couch only to flood my frustrations and not move forward and allow my purpose to be banished

Moving sucks, the packing of emotions and unpacking a reality that shares tents of bluish

So, instead I'll just jump so I won't have to ever slip again

Love doesn't exist, I said as I got dressed in my final outfit of sin

I went out to eat for the last supper, fin

Then drove to the bridge to take a dive to the end

I jumped and felt the winds of fear flush reality back to my consciousness

The waves of laughter mist a reminder that life isn't that bad when our voice says ha ha

The breeze of memories gives me a taste of moments I kept locked away for safe keeping

Forgetting where I put the key, like the lost famous recipe

Depression opens my eyes and I see the weight it bears but when I zoom out, I see my hand pressing down on my shadow causing the darkness to surround me

I'm falling and I can see the bottom increasing

The last memory I allow myself to have is: when I bought flowers for myself

Because the colors help me see the sunshine from the shade or moon from the dark

The curves remind me of the smile I still own

Lest I continue to lease short term happiness for joy

Every time I fall, I witness the natural healing of the body

Loneliness is walking on eggshells by your heels

But forgive yourself and the solitude of peace begins to blanket you and I again feel

I bought flowers to say I love you

And for that last second, I breathe into death and say life isn't that bad

Concrete darkness crashes into dreams

And my eye lashes rise their rays as I awake to a new day

Cold panic sweats greet me but remember I can just wipe it away

I go to the restroom, brush my teeth, and recite my daily affirmations because today is not yesterday

I love me and add extra icing for the pieces I feel don't belong

My heart still beats so I sing my song at the top of my lungs, like I'm in the car by myself

Some petals have wilted but a new season welcomes the future bloom

I love me and that's enough no matter what anyone else thinks

I love me because God loves me

p.s. I had to jump to fall in love with myself...

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