The Popular Opinion Consists of Mixed Revews
I often wonder how others view me as a person. Being a social butterfly, I place value in my reputation. My lack of a filter and extreme behavior shifts certainly leave small doses of me wrapped up in mixed reviews. Critique my character but "Beware of dog!" He guards my persona and is always on duty; keeping me captive in my pursuit of self righteous solitude. Drowning in my own actions has overwhelmed the meter. Reactions are unpredictable; the balance is unstable; running a tab with insufficient funds; walking on the clouds of borrowed time. Tick-tock goes the quick-clock that only gets cohesively faster; with each regret. Anxiety induced trauma, resulting from over the counter OCD; medicating myself by treating this with my own diagnosis. While I must hold my breath until I reach the top of the stairs or I'll never become a professional baseball player. Constantly feeling inadequate in the eyes of the judgmental God of my understanding; unknowingly indifferent to any other way of living; believing everything that they said; it had to be true.
Rules and regulations and pressure to be squeaky clean. Selfish predecessors ruined it for us all, rendering it a sin to pray for myself, I prayed for everyone else. Subconsciously thinking it will be for my own benefit; rendering that line of thinking to be bass-akwards and feeling bad about doing that too. Told that this one life is a test for a life after; un-intentionally giving off the impression that today isn't as important as tomorrow by downgrading the life you're currently living. An idea based on hope for something better after this has left logic far behind; wasting precious time of the uncontrollable invisibility instead of building on what’s concretely reality.
This life isn't a test, this life isn't a dream. You and me; we’re the real deal! There isn't a mulligan in real life, there's no timeouts that don't go without wasted time. Feeling highly confused, is a child believing in blind faith. This gave life an explanation and answers to questions that somebody else asked. Paying too much mind to the opinions of my peers that had high expectations. Not once did they explain that they might actually care about me, they just issued their punishment with disregard for my individuality.
I do not recall getting solid explanations. Treated like a failure and looked upon as a letdown. Misunderstood by the very people I had little understanding of. I accepted things as they were; I believed what they told me. Only to eventually be let down and betrayed. This is how I felt when I came of age to question. Wait a minute, Santa clause isn't real? You mean this was one big lie that everyone was in on? You're born into this world; you grow up fast. It doesn't take long before you get let down by mankind. It takes the rest of your life to figure out the reasons why. Apparently this answer we seek doesn't exist. We will never find out. The only conclusion that I can mustard is that it is all about the questions we are asking.
It's a simple thing, to be a man. It's a complicated task to live absolutely free. Living a balanced life with a clear conscious; going out with your head held high. You're life is your creation; it began when you were born. The pages fill up fast and the chapters keep adding up. Everything you do and everything you have done, are leading you in the direction you need to be heading. It's your goal to figure out what and/or where that is. I don't know the answer for you. I don't even have one of my own. One man plus one man equals two men. Procreation multiplied by millions for reasons unknown. Instinctively believing what people say. Questions aren't being asked, answers are given with absolute conviction. Imaginations are convincing and moods are contagious. Pollution oozes from their mouths and enter Virgin ears; rapping their ability to find a better way and stripping them from justice. Life just isn't fair and people make this fact crystal clear. Acceptance is much easier than taking on the challenges of change.
What if? I wish I would of? I could've been? What happened to me? These are the phrases that are hard to sleep next to. This is the outcome when you sell yourself short. At the end of the road; when your book is complete; what will the overall popular opinion of you be? I know I don't trust yours and in the end that won't even matter anyway. When you die, you get buried alone. The only person’s opinion of you that matters is your own. In the end of it all, we all have to live with ourselves and get buried alone.
-Ironic Zinc 2015
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