The Misfortune of Malakar the Menacing

Malakar the Menacing stood atop his obsidian tower, cape billowing dramatically in the wind. Tonight, he would unleash his greatest plan yet—The Doomsday Device of Ultimate Doom!

Lightning crackled as he pulled the lever. The machine sputtered… groaned… and then let out a pathetic plink before bursting into flames.

Malakar coughed through the smoke. “Uh… that was supposed to happen.”

His goblin minion, Grubnuk, raised an eyebrow. “Master, should I get the fire extinguisher?”

“No! It’s just… heating up.”

The tower shuddered. A moment later, the entire doomsday device collapsed through the floor with a resounding CRASH. Malakar listened as it tumbled down, floor by floor, before smashing through the dungeon ceiling.

There was a long silence.

Then, from the depths below: “Hey! Who just dropped a doomsday thing on my head?!”

Malakar sighed. “Ignore that. Plan B!”

Plan B involved an army of robotic minions, each programmed for destruction. They stood at attention—gleaming, menacing, and ready to—

Wait.

One of them was dancing.

Another was trying to high-five the air.

The largest one was attempting to juggle Malakar’s spellbooks… poorly.

Grubnuk flipped through the instruction manual. “Uh, Master, did you program these?”

“Yes! With the finest evil coding—”

“Looks like you left them on Party Mode.”

Malakar facepalmed.

Plan C was simpler. Poison the kingdom’s water supply! He crept into the royal well under the cover of darkness, vial in hand, ready to—

WHOOSH!

The wind caught his cape, flipping it over his head. He stumbled, tripped over his own feet, and went headfirst into the well.

The guards found him the next morning, soaked, shivering, and clinging to a bucket for dear life.

By noon, he was sitting in the castle dungeon, wrapped in a blanket, drinking tea as the king scolded him.

“Malakar, honestly,” the king sighed. “Again? You really need a new career.”

Malakar glared. “I am a villain, your Majesty. This is my calling.”

“Your calling is disaster,” Grubnuk mumbled from the next cell.

Malakar sighed, staring out the window.

Maybe it was time for a new plan.

Or maybe he just needed a sturdier doomsday device.

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