The Mirror

The doctors say that I should keep a diary. They say it is good for my eye hand co-ordination, my concentration and fine motor movements. Also it will provide milestones on my path to recovery, of which they are very confident. A minor stroke they say. Minor? It has twisted my face into a carnival mask. I drool out of one side of my mouth and have to use my left hand to write with. I am wracked by continuous headaches. I am in a bad place, but everyone is so optimistic. They want me to live. I want to die. Who do I follow? My heart or public opinion?

Mike the handyman has fashioned a writing table on my wheelchair. He was so proud of it and of being able to help me "get better soon" as he so gruffly put it. Progress, which is what this diary is about is non existent. I still drool, battle to write and I drop things continuously. The only improvmentt is that my headaches have receded slowly. I tried drawing in this diary, it reduced me to tears. All I could produce was stick figures and meaningless scribbles. Kate my maid oohed and ahed over the pictures, but she is such a gentle loving soul that anything I do seems to impress her. The good news is that Aunt Nollly will be coming to visit soon. My favourite aunt. So stylish, elegant, poised. Mind you, I am not sure what she will think of this wreck of a niece. Probably shudder and walk away, never to return. Like my father. He came to visit once, shuddered and walked away so what should I expect from his elder sister.

My drawing has improved and I can see colour better now. My hand writing is still terrible, but not as slow. One interesting thing happened. Kate left a make up mirror in the room and tilted as it was I was able to see into the hallway, see who is coming and going. Give me a window into the rest of the house. Not big one but none the less a window. I told her to leave it exactly where it is so I can see the comings and goings of the house.

A bad day today. My writing has regressed, I dropped my tea and I shouted at Kate. None of it was her fault, but I reduced her to tears. I feel terrible and Aunt Nolly arrives in just two days. I am frightened. I cant write anything more now.

Kate and I have made up. I apologised, told her I was in a really bad place but that did not excuse my bad manners. She slowly came around and we shared my tea and biscuits while she told me of Dougy who has started paying court to her. He wants to do things that Kate says are "naughty" and she is resisting, but she says he may drop her if she doesnt do what he wants. I told her that if he was serious he would wait. She nodded and then blushed. I laughed. "How far did you go last night?" she blushed even more. "Not all the way." was all she would say.

Kate has made a change to the mirror and I can see more. It now shows the big mirror just by the door and I can see mother straightening her hat before leaving, father straightening his tie and how the maids love standing in front of the mirror adopting coquettish poses. I saw Mary standing there and Bob the butler come up behind her and grab her round the waist. She didn't wriggle free but leant back against him. I thought that they were going going to kiss, but the a bell rang and Bob hurried off. Mary straightened her hair and walked off in the opposite direction, not without looking back the way that Bob had gone a couple of times. Romance in the air I think. It makes me sad because I am doomed to stay in this wheel chair for the rest of my life. I wish I could die. Before Aunt Nolly arrives.

Spring has been taking its own sweet time to come, but now it is here. Cherry blossoms line the driveway up to the house, leaving a pink welcoming carpet for Aunt Nolly. I cannot bear this. Ever since I was a little girl I have wanted to be like her. Tall, elegant, chic, certain and poised. And all I am is crippled. I want to hide, but I want to see her, but I dont. Oh, God. I cannot bear this.

I seem to be worse this morning. Hands trembling, huge headache, drooling like a six week old baby. Aunt Nollly on her way. I want to hide. I dont want to see her. I have instructed Kate to put her off. To tell her I am too sick. I cannot bear the idea of more rejection.

I dont know if I should laugh or cry. I heard Aunt Nolly arrive and immediately ask where I was. Kate saying I was too sick to visited and Aunt Nolly's comment."Now, you have carried out your instructions, get out of my way. I will see my niece." And in glided Aunt Nolly. I tried to hide in my chair but she wouldnt let me. "Sit up child. Dont huddle. It is beneath your dignity. Sit up straight." Caught by her basilisk stare, I had no option, I sat up straighter. "Better. Now, lets look at you. You look better than that fool of a father of yours indicated. You are a tough woman. Now decide to get better and start working on that. I intend taking you dancing once you are back on your feet so no slacking now hear?" And with that she walked out of the room, shouting for my father. Kate came in with eyes like saucers. "Oh, miss, I tried to stop her, but she is unstoppable." which makes me laugh. Well not really laugh, more of a pathetic wheeze.

Last night I slept so much better. I suppose knowing that Aunt Nolly was on my side helped. I really must get better so we can go dancing. Kate is in awe of her. "So elegant, so charming, so young looking." Which reminded me of how young she looked compared to my father and my mother and she is a good ten years older than Mother. I feel so much better.

Aunt Nolly looked in on me before leaving, promising to be back soon. One strange thing did happen. As she left the room, she stopped at the big mirror in the hall to adjust her bonnet. Looking in Kates neatly arranged mirror I could see her standing there. At least I could see her clothes, her bonnet, but I could not see her face. A trick of the light perhaps. Strange though.

The whole house is agog a young woman has disappeared from the village. Father has organised a search party and all the men are searching the countryside. Kate came in late and could only speak of the missing girl and of stories in the village of creatures that walk in the night. I try to reassure her, but she says that the Canny Woman says that there is evil in the air. That the creature will prey on the village until its terrible appetite is sated. I try to laugh her fears away, but she is fearful and distraught. I try to persuade her to sleep the night in the big house, but she says she is meeting Dougy later on and admits that she is enjoying the "naughtiness".

It is a terrible night. They have not found the girl and Father and Nolly have a furious argument late at night. They shout at each other while my mother tries to intercede and cries a lot. Over and over father shouts "I told you not to come back." Nolly's responses are not clear, but they do annoy my father. No one sleeps and I am glad that Kate went home. Eventually silence descends and the house sleeps.

I am far, far worse. I seem to have had another stroke during the night. Possibly prompted by father and Aunt Nolly shouting at each other. I can scarcely write, hold a pencil, and I cannot sit up straight. Aunt Nolly has not been to visit me again. Kate says that Bob says that she left in a huge hurry without her bag and baggage. She said to Bob she would be returning or sending for her things.

I have recovered a bit. Kate is bouncing with excitement that she can barely restraing. Dougy asked her to marry him. She said she would think about it. And the naughiness had gone much further.

It is early evening and they have found the young girl. She is dead. Her throat torn out by some wild animal and all her blood gone from her. The villagers buried her immediately at the behest of the canny woman and before covering her over, they drove a stake into her heart, to stop her walking. I tell Kate is it nonsense, but she will not hear of it. "The canny woman knows" she keeps on repeating.

Another beautiful spring morning and I am feeling so much better. Kate has become reticent on the topic of Dougy and I tease her about it. She will not be drawn.

Midmorning and Aunt Nolly returns. I see her in the big hall mirror. Again I cannot see her face and she flits away before I can assure myself that I am not dreaming. She stops in to talk to me. She is bright and sunny and happy. I ask her about the argument but she brushes it aside as being "an old issue". She is so full of life and drive that she encourages me immensely and I start to sit up, straighter. She holds my hand while talking to me and as she departs, she kisses my knuckles. Actually, she pauses, sniffs at my hand, kisses my knuckles and is gone in a swirl of perfume and silk scarves. Kate and I sit stunned by her beauty and elegance. I notice that my hand is beelding from a cut. Aunt Nolly must have scratched me with a piece of jewellery.

I had another stroke in the early hours of the morning. I was awakened by an eerie howling that at first I thought was the wind but it went on too long and I thought it might be a wolf. Kate is guiding my hand. I am having trouble writing and breathing. My headaches are back and I cannot stop drooling. I am losing this fight. I dont want to go on. Not like this.

Aunt Nollly came to visit, bringing spring flowers and life and energy. She talked to me. Encouraging words. I felt better at once. She kissed my cheek and then very strangely, she kissed my neck. A piece of her jewellery must have slipped because I had a cut on my neck when she was gone. I must say she cheered me up and strengthened me. I am feeling stronger than ever before.

Kate arrived, smiling and blushing. It seems she and Dougy went "all the way" and despite the soreness, it was wonderful and she is seriously in love. I am so glad for her. She is such a beautiful woman with a long swan like neck, pale and so attractive. I get this feeling I want to run my fingers over her throat, just to feel the softness there.

Aunt Nolly arrived with chocolates and laugher and we sat on my bed and she told us risque stories of the big city. Some of the stories make Kate and I quite warm and I feel myself blushing and getting quite warm. My bodice became too tight and asked Kate to loosen it. The touch of her fingers makes me think of that long throat and the pulse I could see on her neck. Aunt Nolly slapped my hand as I reach for Kates hair. I do not know why I did it, but I needed to touch it. Kate looked frightened and I sent her home when Aunt Nolly said she would help me to get ready for bed. She made me feel so alive but she left a cut on the other side of my neck this time. She really should be more careful.

I awoke this morning with no headache, my face nearly normal, my hands working as they should but I had a raging thirst. Kate brought me tea and then water with cordial but nothing seemed to help. I found myself stroking Kates face and neck. She pulled back surprised, then came back and I touched her again. Gently, like Aunt Nolly touched me.

This is Kate writing now. The mistress is gone with Aunt Nolly. It was terribly frightening. The mistress was holding me down and trying to bite me when Aunt Nolly stormed in, pulled the mistress off me and slapped her hard. "Fool!" she hissed. "You want us both killed? You are no longer human."

She reached across to the mirror standing on the bedside table. The one the mistress used for spying on the hallway, she put her face next to the mistresses and held the mirror up. Her face was not there, the mistresses face was almost transparent. "How do you think you are recovering so quickly? You are now almost a vampire now. You are immortal and the stroke effects are gone. You must feed on blood to survive, but not on people near you. Lets go get some lunch."

Then she looked at me. "Talk about this and you will die."

She grabbed the mistress by the hand and they ran from the house.

It is a funny thing, but when I think of Dougy I think of his neck and the pulse that I can see there. You see the mistress bit me a couple of times before Aunt Nolly took her away. I have the same thirst for blood as she did. I have a date with Dougy tonight. He will pleasure me under the full moon, then I will feed.

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