Revolving Ideas: Blogs and Such

A creative mind can create many ideas. While I have many ideas not all of them end up manifesting. About twelve years ago, I had to attend a workshop on how to blog, particularly on WordPress. I had no idea what I was doing. The facilitator mentioned something about tags and I was dumbfounded. "Well, no wonder I can't get anyone to my blog," I said. But I decided to give blogs another try in 2012 by having a site that complimented the <i>Divine Minds Radio</i> I was hosting at the time. In addition, I started a personal blog called <i>Connections & Reflections</i>. It was an abstract painting of sorts. Anything I could think of - sort of like this page. Crochet patterns, pieces on literacy in the African-American community, food, religions, etc. But, of course, I deleted the blogs.

In my heart, I wanted to keep the "Divine Minds Worldwide" site up, yet, I deleted anyway. I figured if I am not continuing to host the show, then why continue adding to the site, which in truth didn't pull in as much traffic as the radio show itself. And i even used tags. Oh well.

There are many times, even as I write this piece, I wonder if all these ideas I was trying to develop were merely distractions and nothihng more. Or, necessary manifestations of a creative mind to see what I could create that stick. Indeed, the most consistent artistic endeavors for me have been writing and yoga/meditation/Reiki. The ideas I am presuming at this time were ways to help those endeavors along the way reach people. Also, it is a form of blocking writer's block.

Whether it was a radio show, blog, or workshop, I had to jot down ideas and mull it over. Outline it. Ever since I learned how to outline stories and essays, I've found it to be helpful with these crative ideas outside of writing too.

I fear losing ideas. I get a good one. Well, I think it's a good one. Work wih it on paper in an outline after rolling it through my mind a few times. Okay, a few hundred times. If I feel it, then it gets an outline. If I'm still feeling it, then, the actual development starts taking place. I did this with two books of the six books attempted. It seems as though I can only take something but so far. Then, I freeze up.

For example, my very first official poem I wrote in sixth grade due to a writing assignment for English entitled, "Dream Electric", which was an anti-nuclear war poem impressed my teacher. I was asked to go to certain classrooms to read it to other students and teachers. This was fine. However, when I was asked to read my poem at our sixth grade graduation, I completely froze up and coudln't do it. Weeks before the ceremony, I asked if someone else could read the poem for me. So, there I was sitting on the stage with all the six grade students while a classmate reads my poem for me. I had been on that stage all that year doing dance routines and playing the violin with music class. But I just coudln't do the poetry reading.

I often wondered if this was a fear of failure or a fear of success. It's the fear of success. Now, at that age I had no idea. I was just afraid of a crowd that large. As I got older I saw that pattern playing out a little more until I decided to read on stage. First, at a little club at an open mic night and then, I read a poem at the Unity Church of Roanoke Valley in my hometown of Ronaoke, Virginia.

The ideas are always coming up and spinning around. Radio has helped over the years too. There's always new ideas, but the energy I once had when I was younger starting with writing isn't the same now. Yes, I still do it. That's why I'm here now, but I just don't have that fire in my belly. Perhaps, it wasn't enough then either because I could only go so far.

Just don't know what all of this mean anymore.

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