Our Flaws
Our Flaws, Part I
***
Living in a rural area is relaxing, I feel free, fresh air is better than any dirty and cramped city I've ever lived in. The disadvantages of living in an isolated area are the slow internet, and the distance between the grocery stores, with the emergency services, is somehow life-threatening; I love it here, and it brings me peace. I only got out of the grocery store, I bought chicken, soda, instant noodles, and other essentials. I noticed the young boy across the store laying down by the alley, it was the first time seeing him there. The young boy doesn't seem homeless: his clothes are dirty but well intact, his hair is oily, but it isn't overgrown, he had a backpack next to him, so I assumed he was a runaway. I approached up to him, he didn't notice me, so I said something to him.
"Hello," I said.
The boy doesn't respond.
I said "hello" again, no response.
I took out an apple from one of the grocery bags, I handed it to him.
He sees the apple and immediately grabs it. As he was eating it, he made eye contact with me, and he ran away into the alley.
"Hey, wait!" I shouted. I reached for my phone and started to dial 911.
I informed the police about the homeless boy who appeared to have no parents, I strolled around the city to look for a missing person's poster, I found nothing, I even went back to the grocery store because they would have a board filled with missing people posters, and I found nothing. I eventually went back home because it started to get dark, and I told the police about what happened. When I was driving for 30 minutes, I couldn't help but think about that boy; what is his story? Why was he so scared? Why did he run away from me? I tried to forget about it, I only hope that kid gets the help he needs.
I arrived home, I placed the bags down to unlock the door and headed inside while carrying the bags.
I was home alone, my roommate who is my best friend Karen, who was working overtime at her job at the bar, sometimes I feel bad for her, due to the fact she has to tolerate the bullshit that comes with being a bartender. Those drunk fools.
I start to unpack everything, I started to cook something. I didn’t know what to do though. I did buy taco meat from the grocery store and considering that I’m in the mood for something satisfying, I thought “what the hell,” so I heated the stove up, poured enough corn oil for 2 pounds of taco meat, I waited and waited until I turned down the heat of the stove.
The sky is no longer blue, it’s that time of the night where I get anxious, to keep myself from hearing things, I grabbed my holster and carried my pistol by my hip, and I walked around the house.
I checked on my taco meat, it’s done.
I quickly got a pan and started to cook up the tortillas, I chopped up some limes to complete my dish.
As I was eating, I heard a slam outside, my heart rate started to rise, but I knew who it was.
Karen came home, she was carrying a 12 pack of beer and a bottle of tequila, “did she steal it?” I thought.
“Hey Kris, did you make something to eat- what the hell Kris!”
“Why do I always see you carrying that gun whenever I come home! I swear to god, you are going to shoot me one of these days! She said furiously
“Calm down,” I said
“You know damn well why I always carry a gun, it can get scary here sometimes, and the police station is twenty minutes away so.”
“Alright alright, whatever.” Karen sighs.
“Oh, I see you made tacos, perfect!”
“Oh, and by the way, I brought someone home with me, hope you don’t mind.”
“Why would you bring another guy home, last time you brought one, I couldn’t sleep last night, he can’t have none of my tacos if that's the case,” I said feeling annoyed.
“Let me finish talking, it’s not a guy, he’s just a little boy I found around the bar, he seemed lost and lonely, so I thought I'd let him stay the night,” Karen said.
“A boy?” I thought?
“Was he homeless?” I said.
Before Karen could answer that question, the boy stood beside the front door.
“You could come in,” Karen said.
The boy took off his shoes and proceeded to walk towards the kitchen table and finally sat down. He didn’t seem to recognize me, I’d think he’d abscond again if he did, but where would he run exactly?
“He doesn’t talk much, he’s been silent throughout the car ride. I’d figured I’d bring him home for the night and take him to the orphanage early in the morning.” Karen said.
I noticed the boy's facial expressions, it looked more uneasy than before, it might be because he’s tired. Who knows what he’s been through, being so young and alone all night.
“What’s your name?” I said.
He doesn’t answer. I didn’t try a second time.
Karen asked him the same question.
“Tyler,” he said with such a faint tone.
“How old are you Tyler?”
“I’m 15,” Tyler said.
He seemed so young, the babyface probably threw me off. I’d never would’ve guessed.
“Are you hungry? Kris made tacos if you’d like some.” Karen said.
Oh, Karen, she sounds like an innocent nun who prays every morning, being concerned with the children of her church. If the kid wasn’t here, she’d be halfway down the tequila bottle by now, I’m conflicted.
Karen made a plate of tacos, and she brought it to Tyler, she poured the remaining amount of soda we had in the refrigerator, wondering what Karen was going to drink, she decided to grab to water bottles from the refrigerator and gave one of them to me.
As we were eating, Karen would sometimes talk about a plan to travel around the world or even perhaps start a small garden somewhere around the house.
I had no idea what the fuck she was talking about. I was waiting for her to talk about what happened at work like she usually does.
We finished the tacos and Karen started to wash the dishes. Tyler was helping her clean the table and even offered to wash his dish. I was confused about why Tyler wouldn’t respond to any of
my questions, it felt strange, but I’d figure he was simply shy, and considering that Karen is talkative and social, Tyler probably warmed up to Karen faster than I could.
I wish I had that skill.
Karen told Tyler to take a shower and while he’s cleaning himself up, she would wash his clothes for him. Tyler handed his dirty laundry to Karen, and she put them in the washer.
Karen went to go search Tyler’s backpack for any more clothes, she found three dirty shirts, pants, socks, and boxers. She carried the clothes in tyler backpack and dumped them in the washer when she did she heard a loud clank in the washer.
She dug through the dirty laundry and to her surprise she found a Colt .45.
As I was waiting for the clothes to wash and dry, I was trying to figure out what he would wear to sleep in. I could maybe perhaps let him borrow my wife-beater along with my old pajamas.
“Kris, can you come here!” Karen shouted.
I rushed to the garage, and I see Karen holding a gun in her hand.
“Where did you get the gun?” I said.
“I found it in his backpack, can you check if it’s loaded or not please?” Karen said fearfully.
“Sure,” I said.
I took out the magazine, and I emptied the chamber, in total, the amount was four rounds; hollow-point. I was trying to figure out if that was the intended amount he put or if he had used it already. We waited for Tyler to come out. I was more curious than scared, he wouldn’t murder anyone in cold blood right? The water stopped running, and the shower door opened. Karen grabbed the clothes I was going to let him borrow, and she gave it to him.
Once he was done, I told him to come over to the table and to sit down beside me.
Tyler sat down, and I placed the unloaded gun on the table. Tyler seemed mortified.
“Why didn’t you tell us you brought a loaded gun into our home?” I said with an intimidating tone.
“I was worried you’d kick me out, I didn’t want to make anyone to be scared of me,” Tyler said.
“Karen grabbed your backpack and dumped your clothes in the washer, along with your gun. What if it went off and hurt Karen or even worse, killed her? Next time, if you’re going to somebody's home, tell them you brought a weapon with you or at least ask permission!” I said with unnecessary anger.
“Ok, I apologize. I’m sorry I scared you, Karen.” Tyler said.
“It’s okay,” Karen said. “If you don’t mind me asking, why do you have a gun with you?”
“I stole it from my dad, I wanted to get away from that house so I packed up and left. I knew I was going to be living on the streets for a while and I knew I wasn’t going to be safe, especially during the nights. So I took it and I didn’t even bother to check if it was loaded or not, the mere sight of a gun can make a threat go away, I don’t even know how to use it properly, but I needed it so, I did what I did.” Tyler said.
“You ran away? Why?” Karen said.
Tyler didn’t respond.
“Ok nevermind, you don’t have to tell me.”
“Well, I’m going to have to keep it beside me, you’re safe in this house, you don’t have to worry about anything,” I said feeling relieved. “It’s getting late, we have to wake up early for work tomorrow and to drop you off at an orphanage or the police station.”
“I’m not going back home nor am I going to an orphanage, I’d rather be living on the streets,” Tyler said sounding annoyed.
“I’m sorry, but we can’t keep you here, you’ll be alone in this house all day and-.”
“I’m not going anywhere! If you’re going to kick me out then just give me back my gun so I go back to the streets, I’ll be just fine!” Tyler shouted.
“I don’t want you to be living in the streets Tyler, neither does Karen, but why don’t you want to go back home? Please make us understand so we can consider you staying here.” I said.
Tyler lets go a big sigh, he sat back down on the chair, and he started to tell us his story.
Our Flaws, Part II
*****
It was a beautiful sunny day, the air was warm, the flowers were blooming, it was perfect.
I loved going to school, I loved it so much, I would stay after school was over, I would occasionally read books in the library and after a while, I would leave school and start heading to the public library to read manga while also using the computers for a bit. When the sun started to sink, I would spend the rest of my lunch money on a sandwich from the deli that was 15 minutes away from the library. I would never buy something to drink because we had water at home. I’d take my half-eaten sandwich home, and I tried to save it for later or to eat it during lunch at school, but that would never happen because my father would always fucking eat it.
I’d get home around dark, my dad would be waiting for me, he would never say “hello son, how are you,” I would only hear that sentence in my dreams, my meaningless dreams.
I would always come home to be greeted with dirty dishes, a messy table, a drunk father. The floor was always clean because I would always clean it, vomit doesn’t smell good after a while. I get tired of cleaning and doing the endless chores, but I can’t stop, or my father gets mad, and when he gets mad, he beats me, he beats me senseless. I can’t fight back, what can I do to fight back?
Why couldn’t he work nights?
Why did my mother abandon me?
I understand why she left him, but why me?
I don't deserve this, what did I do to deserve this?
Answer me, bitch!
It doesn't matter as much anymore, I stopped crying months ago, despite how much I wanted to, I couldn’t cry anymore and it hurts so much so, I’d rather have my father beat me until I could let a single teardrop like before.
A new day starts, I head to school. Something has been bothering me recently, I’d always been fond of looking at the happy couples, holding hands, making out, and being close and such.
Most I’d see were the boys and girls being together, but sometimes I’d see girls dating girls and boys dating boys, and that would make me uncomfortable. My father would always say bad things about gay people, I never knew why, they seem like regular people to me, but for some reason, I’d feel disgusted towards them, but why?
One day during one of my classes, I met this boy, we were assigned a group project for the class, and I’d prefer to have like that instead of seeking a partner of my own. We were given instructions, and we started to work. I would never talk in any of my classes, I had no reason to. The boy's name was David, he loved to talk, there were even times I would ignore him and for some reason, he wouldn’t shut up. David was taller than by two inches, we were the same age, he was handsome and such. After those few weeks of working together, he would hang out more and that was the first time I had a stable relationship with anybody, I was scared, anxious about it, I didn’t fully trust him, how could I? He knew I had issues, but to his credit, he didn’t treat me any different nor less of a human because of it.
I went home one night, I did the usual, and I went to sleep afterward. I woke up with this strong feeling, I didn’t know what it was, it was something I had never felt before.
I went to school, and I saw David, the feeling grew much stronger with him around, I couldn’t take it, I thought I was going insane.
After school, David and I went to a coffee shop to hang out in. He wanted to talk to me about something important.
It turned out to be a confession.
He told me that he wanted to take our relationship to the next level, he wanted to date me while telling me how much he likes me.
I was flustered.
I knew what I had to do, so I did what I did.
I turned him down and I asked him if we can only be friends.
I didn’t know he was gay, and I didn’t care if he was.
I turned him down because I wasn’t gay myself, so why would I force myself.
He was upset, I knew how he would get like this. I wanted him to cheer up and so I bought a cup of coffee for him. He didn’t take a sip of that warm coffee that night.
I felt bad, but I knew eventually he’d get over it.
We didn’t walk home together that night.
I arrived home, and my father wanted to talk to me about David.
I listened.
“Were you with that boy David again?” He said.
“ Yeah, I was,” I said
“Does he like girls or is he a fag?” He said.
“Don’t call him that-” my father interrupted me.
“If he’s a fag, I don’t want you to be around him no more, is that clear?”
I scoffed at my father.
“Fuck off dad, I’ll hang out with anyone I want to, it’s none of your business anyway,” I said.
“What the fuck did you say to me? You don’t get to talk to me like that! If I see hanging out with that faggot again, I am going to beat the gayness out of you, got it!” He said with a louder voice.
“I’m not gay, we are just friends!” I said shouted.
“You better be right Tyler, I want to raise a man, not some sissy boy. I’m not going to ask again okay.”
“Okay,” I said
I walked up to my room defeated. The strong feelings have not left me alone all day. Is this love?
Guilt? Shame?
I’ve been up all night, I take it anymore, I only wanted it to end.
I snuck into my father's room and I found the gun he’s been keeping. I assumed it was loaded, so pointed it on the right side of my head. Before I could pull the trigger, I had an idea. I could just leave. If I left, there would be no one to get me, my father wouldn't even care if I left, I could simply get out of here.
I started to empty out my backpack, I stuffed most of my clothes, along with my father's gun. I quietly snuck back into my father's room to scrounge up whatever money was left unspent on beer. Fuck this place, fuck you dad, fuck you mom, and goodbye David, you were a good friend to me, and I’ll never forget you. I got all my stuff, and I headed out to the nearest bus station.
Our Flaws, Part III
Karen and I were drained, I noticed Karen’s kept trying to hide her tears. There’s no need to hide it, Karen, I could feel it from simply looking at your hands.
I felt nothing but sorrow, I started to question humanity entirely. What are we going to do with this kid? There’s no way he can go back home, and I don’t think he’ll like it going into an orphanage or even foster care. Foster care, I remember those days, I hated every minute of those 7 months.
Tyler can stay for as long as he wants, we’ll figure out the rest in the future. Right now, we need some sleep, we will feel better in the morning. I know we will.
“Your clothes are ready Tyler,” Karen said holding his warm clothes.
“Thank you,” Tyler said.
“You could sleep on my bed if you want,” I said.
“No thanks Kris, I’ll just sleep on the couch tonight,” Tyler said.
“Ok,” I said.
Tyler went back to the bathroom to change into his clothes. As he was changing, I saw Karen filling a cup with the tequila.
“Come on Karen, it’s time to sleep,” I said.
“It helps me sleep ok, it's just a little,” Karen said.
“Ok, just don’t drink too much, you have work tomorrow,” I said concerned.
Karen nodded.
Who knew life could be so dreadful for some people, I was lucky to have such nice parents.
After a few minutes, I’ve calmed down. Luckily, I don’t have work tomorrow, I could stay up all night long while finishing the rest of the leftover taco meat.
I don’t know what I’m going to do tomorrow. Cook? Clean?
Oh wait, I could buy more clothes for Tyler tomorrow, that’d be sweet.
Perhaps, we’ll order pizza tomorrow night and finish the remaining tequila.
Yeah, everything will be okay.
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