My baby girl
I walked along the path of the cave, staring almost unblinkingly up at the stalactites that hang from the top of the cavern. My backpack thumps deftly against my back, making me hunch over. I am aware that I am lagging behind the tour group, but I don't care. I intend to be alone. The leader drones on in a monotone voice indicative of the years she's spent reciting the same speech and answering the same questions. There is an elderly couple who walked arm in arm, listening so intently to the speaker that they hardly seem to notice the sights around them. A young couple, possibly newlyweds, walk together in the dimly lit cave. One is obsessively taking pictures of each stalactite and whispering his hushed awe. The girl is too focused on her phone to pay attention to the wonders around her. Lastly, two children, who I suspect to be the Grand-kids of the elderly couple, run shrieking along the path. They will most likely arrive at the end of the walk and loiter around the gift shop.
I watch as the group rounds the corner and disappear out of sight. When I no longer hear the children's cries and the Guide's dull flat voice I sit down on the floor and survey the cave. The floor is filled with crystal blue water so clear you can see the rocks lining the bottom. It moves only slightly in a slow melodic trance. The grayish white stalactites hang low, pointed stiffly towards the ground. The pathway beneath my feet is walnut wood with a rough finish. It is well worn from the numerous people who wander through the caves. I marvel at the cave one last time, then I set to my task. I pull out a black metal box from my backpack. I run my hand over the smooth surface and remember her. my Jessica.
I was the proudest man alive when she was born. My little almond skinned beauty. Her eyes were wide as tea plates. she was chubby and sweet and never lied. Not once. She took after her mother in that way, it was like we still had a little piece of her in this world, while the rest lived it the stars. I remember that I would brush her long black hair as she told me about the new rocks she had found. She loved her rocks. She collected stones and minerals and labeled them each and set them on her mantel. she gave them names and would read them a bedtime story every night before bed. She loved this place. So much I had to buy season tickets here and the workers learned our names. My baby. My Joy. Then the accident happened.
She was seven when it happened. My beautiful baby girl slipped off to a different part of the caves. The part that was always under maintenance. It took four hours to find her body. My love, my life, had slipped and fallen down the side of the cave. I was the one to find her little-mangled body. She was pinned in a crevice bloody and broken.The doctors said it took two hours for her to die. How long did she call for me? Her daddy. Her protector. I hadn't saved her. No one had saved her.
The media blew up when the story broke. I was flooded with reporters who wanted me to relive and relive and relive my child's death. I had to. I learned quickly The ones I brushed off blamed me for her death.
"why didn't he keep a better eye on her? What a horrible father."
The ones I spoke to blamed the park. Soon the state issued several lawsuits. They never spoke to me. Never asked who I blamed. They didn't want to fix the problem, They just wanted to look like they did. The company laid off all the employees who had been on set that day as if that would fix it. No one who loved my daughter kept their jobs. Why would they do this? where was the real justice? I fell hard afterward. alcohol was my confine. Voices fill my head throughout the day. reminding me of things I already know.
"You did this!
you killed her!
you watched her run away and did nothing!
You deserve to die.
You should have been the one to die."
At night, I'm transferred back to the caves. I see my baby girl. She cries for me like I knew she did that fateful day. I run to her but I can't reach her. I can't and her voice slowly fades. I'm desperately trying to reach her but it's already too late. she's gone. Gone forever. I will never find my baby again but she calls to me and I'm stuck and shes stuck. We are trapped in the caverns. We will never leave them. They are forever our livelihood. Our personal hell. I can't save her. Why didn't I save her?
I tried to live. To cope with the pain. I couldn't. The light was gone. There was nothing left in this world for me and if there was I didn't want it. Not without my daughter. I knew what I had to do. I knew the one thing in the world that would set me free.
I snap back to the present and return to my plan. I slowly unlatch and open the black box. The inside is filled with wires I had re-purposed from my garage. the red beeping lights from the countdown clock shine like the eyes of the demons that never leave me alone. Maybe now they will. I push the button and close my eyes. God, I can't wait to see her again.
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