Men Aren't Created to Cry
“Men Aren’t Created to Cry”
By Patrick D Collier
I found a 2 -page letter walking home from college after breaking up with my girlfriend. I left her due to me being deaf, she was normal and beautiful I just couldn’t stand for others pointing at us when we went into the public. Why the hell God created me like this? is what the front of the 2- letter read then it said. June 14th ,1991 today I shy away from loving her. I become something angry and ugly with a second glance. I break up with the one woman I adore. Why? Because she made me cry, men aren’t created to cry. Says my father and my grandfather. Molding me and hammering this in my head. How did she make me cry? She told me something not even my Father or grandfather would tell me. Emma said she loved me. 41 years of my sad life of living on this sad planet, I have never heard such a thing grace my ears. I had no response when Emma said this to me with watering eyes. I laughed in her face, holding my stomach aiming to hurt her and I did just that. Emma walked away from me and I did from her, but both of our faces turned with sad smiles and feeling empty inside. Hours later I was in my apartment throwing a rubber ball at the wall when I got a call from Emma’s younger brother Stew who looked up to me. He said Emma took their dad’s pistol and shot herself in the head. My sweet angel probably died with tears running down her face with a broken heart caused by a broken man, who chants men aren’t created to cry. Emma was born with down syndrome and so was I. Don’t feel sorry for me, I know how to drive, and I’ve been working at a grocery store for over 20 years. So, I am able. Emma suffered from a small depression and lived with her parents because she couldn’t hack it! Crying to her Mama and papa! How life is hard, and others laughed at her because she looked different and talked slower then most. I hated when she would do that. 41 years of my sad life living on this sad planet I never cried until she said she loved me. She even said it normal like without shaking nor spiting. Growing up with down syndrome was never easy living in a world whom already created evil eyes due to my black skin. My father and grandfather raised me. Mama died giving birth to me I never got to know her but seen one picture of her pregnant with me. My father said that is the only thing you need to know about her. Grandpa would laugh sipping his whiskey followed by a smoker’s cough when my father would say that. Damn, Emma my sweet angel probably died with tears running down her face with a broken heart caused by a broken man, who chants men aren’t created to cry. Then what are we created for? I would ask my father and grandfather on late work days from the grocery store. I would bring them bottles of whiskey and cigars just to get this answer. They both had the same answer. They both said men, are created to break hearts and to never fall in love, it weakens a man and when a man is weak, he cries. If that’s true I have always been weak. I cried all my life behind closed doors. Hiding from allowing the world to see me on bending knees. Angry at this so called, God who created me like a monster! I never let my father or grandfather see me shed a tear, my father told me if he ever saw me crying, he would take me to a gun range, and I’d be the target. Grandfather laughed at that to throwing his empty whiskey bottle at me feet followed by the word bang! My father died with hate in his heart and dry tears. My grandfather buried his only son who he out lived and couldn’t live without, he soon followed my father who died from too much drinking and gramps from a heart attack from stressing over my father’s death. I didn’t cry at either of their funerals. I stood with shades on and Emma held my hand and took my shades off and whispered in my ear, It’s, ok to cry bwyron. I got angry and screamed in front of the entire service its Byron! God Dammit! I ran out on my grandfather’s funeral with dry tears of anger. I went to work the next day in pain that only had a fire from within. I bagged each customer’s food with anger and a devil like attitude to match the red company shirt I wear. My boss noticed it and immediately told me to take a few days off to grieve. Emma was outside staring at the ground waiting on my shift to end as she always does. At first, I thought it was crazy! Then at times it felt good to be wanted. The next day I lost the only person I ever loved and ever cried happy tears for. Her brother hung up the phone crying saying to me what I used to tell him as a kid. Men aren’t created to cry, I know, Byron but I can’t hold this in. I then got up from the phone call and walked to our towns bridge 1100 - foot drop and I jumped over and took my life now floating in water filled with my crying tears. Ps men aren’t created to cry, there created to love! The letter brought me to my knees and in prayer! And to realize that I may be deaf but I’m still alive! And that this Byron wrote this and planned to take his life. I cried and whispered to the air that my ears never hear. Men can cry!
The End
Rest in Heaven Sweet Emma
Comments