Letter From The Creation
Dear Jessica or Jesse or should I just call you God? I mean you created me over eighteen years ago.
Maybe the best thing to call you is mom but that feels weird. I will just call you Jess. I mean that’s what everyone outside your head calls you.
Now that we've figured that out, I have a lot to say. First of all, you created me when you were 18 and trying to find yourself, I get it. Back then you didn’t have much of a voice other than with a few people. (You didn’t think anyone would listen to you because of your learning disorders which I get.) To be fair, not much has changed since then. I mean you haven’t grown much either. The only thing has changed about you is well your hair styles. (That one haircut you had in grade 12 wasn’t your best.)
Before I go any further in this you still think I owe you an apology for what I said in 2016. Fine, I’m sorry for what I said back then in your head. I shouldn't have rubbed it in that I still have my best friend and you don't. I kicked you when you were down but to be fair so did your step cousin. (He really was a bag of something wasn’t he?)
Now since that is out of the way, you now owe me because without me you wouldn’t have found your voice at all.You wouldn’t be published if you didn’t create me. I gave you that voice over the years. (Let’s face it. Without me you would still be a closeted writer. Not sharing your inner thoughts with anyone.)
True, that blond bowl head best friend of yours gave you a kick in the ass you needed. I guess he can take credit for that if that will keep you from being hunted. So maybe if you toss me a bone or something every so often that would be nice. (Yes, yes I gave credit to your friend too. I raise a glass to the man.)
We grew up together in a way. I mean yeah you were older then I am in your own way but in a lot of ways oh I was so much wiser.
By the way, I saw what you have done over the years letting those guys play you and mess with your mind. You noticed that I didn’t say a damn thing? I should have. Especially when those churchy boys treated you like you were less than. If I was there, I would have told them to go eat the wrong side of a rat and then some. Why did you let them do that to you? I mean come on, you've got to have some kind of self respect even if it’s like 15%.
Speaking of respect, you need to stop listening to that skinny little big head with pink highlights. Just because you don’t work a nine to five job doesn’t mean you are trash. You work as much as anyone and then some. If anyone deserves to be put in the bin it’s her.
When people give you the smallest part of kindness you see it as glue. You stick yourself to them. You can’t be a people pleaser just to make them happy. (I would say grow a pair but well we both know that will never happen.)
I was in the back of your head and waited for you to let me have the ball but no you didn’t let me have it. I can’t tell you how many times I have seen you screw up time and time again. I get that a lot of people don't really listen to you at times because of this reason or that reason. (I am guessing because you are on the very short side of the ruler.) But it doesn't mean you just sit there and smile like a loon. When you walked out of that office last year when you were pissed off for what they tried to pull? That was me slamming that door.
Let’s talk about the other main character you have created. What did you make her for? I mean come on, you had me and you had to write a whole new character.
Just between us, little miss redhead needed some work. As nice as it was to share a space with her for a while it’s nice to have the space back in your head. It’s still a little cramped in here at times.
By the way what kind of name is Freya? Does the name come with horns on a helmet? I guess since she was my many times great grandmother I must try to play nice with her. Just don't make anymore, ok? I like to have all the space in your head. I have a lot of stuff and none of it can be boxed up in a matter of minutes. It was bad enough sharing the space with my own family in your head.
Let’s talk about your writing. It has gotten better over the years. Each time someone said you can’t write this or that you saw it as a challenge. But since you have gotten published twice you have rested on that. You don’t push yourself anymore. Do I have to light a fire under your ass? You know I will be more than happy to.
And Jessica, you have to start showing all your heart, not just the pain. Yeah you have a lot of that but show the nice side. Not saying sell out, not one bit. Just try to write something nice. (I know that is odd coming from the smartass that lives in your head.) You have only shown the broken parts of you. Well you are back together now. You are healed so it’s about time you show it.
You noticed while you healed I sat back in my chair. I let the music do it’s thing. I let it heal your torn soul. That one song you listened over and over again. The one from the boyish baby face. He is the only reason I didn't say anything. Those lyrics he written. You know what lyrics I am talking about Jess.
“I'm breathing in and out And that's enough for now I had my heart ripped out I'm finally healing My pain has set me free I'm finally finding me.”
That song is moving and full of depth. And it won’t hurt for you to let me out every so often to get a little fresh air. I promise not to burn down anything in my wake. (Provided that they don’t piss me off.)
Well that is about everything I wanted to say to you. Ok maybe one little nice thing I want to say. For everything you aren’t (which there is a list someplace of everything you aren’t) you are actually a really good writer. You are also funny at times. (Times being you let me do the talking that is.) I am not one for much hand holding at all. But I’m here if you need a sounding board. Just don’t forget to throw me something every so often not saying it has to be vodka but a good hard drink (harder than mountain dew) would be nice. Maybe just maybe treat yourself to an ice cream every so often. You do deserve it. I mean you did create one of the best characters ever. (I am talking about me not that viking.)
Until the next smartass comment or story, it has been nice talking to you. Now go out and challenge yourself again with writing or something. Maybe put a motor on that geeky bike you have. Just get out and do something before I take control of you and well you don't want that Jess.
Your creation and friend,
Meredith A. Rosemen
Ps. And thank you for creating me from that one quote all those years ago. There I said it happy now?
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