Kila Kitu Mia

So I heard this man selling out loudly along my favorite street, "kila kitu mia! (everything sells for one hundred shillings)" and was bewildered. I know each of us has heard that many times and have thrown hands up on the noise already. You ask "but what's that but a man in his business; what's it got to do with my peace?" Well, not so with me. I wish they could all be gathered and tied up within just one of the markets, perhaps Muthurwa or Kariokor, some place far from my sight. Those people, in their nonchalance, have condemned me to painstaking brain drills. I tell you each careless statement they make is a recipe for a headache - not in the simplistic sense that defines modern excitement, but in the pure, innocent and rigorous analysis with which conversations were enjoyed in the recent past.

For an illustration, when somebody says "kila kitu mia," what do you think is simple there? First, he declares everybody his customer. Although he's selling a blouse for which I shouldn't have particular interest, I have stop and look for a fitting trouser, in great hope that I'll also enjoy a decent choice! And you my lady, he will be selling wrist watches, but why do you still rotate your sturdy neck to check for blouse? You know that's where class flies away; even if you lastly bought from Jade, you still check for "kila kitu mia!" We look for sufurias there, we look for automobile spares there, we look for tips on how to survive the ordeals of housegirls there. These guys along the streets are excellent psychologists, whether or not wittingly is overboard. Next time you see them, don't ignore when they say "kila kitu mia" - a wife (husband) could be on offer! For whatever need you have, as long as it requires one thing to satiate, you need them because they have everything.

Second, these guys play the magician by declaring a 20-Bob necklace capable of converting into "anything!" By the sole statement, they impress on a serious psychological revolution in which whatever is in their hands is capable of meeting any need. Kwani who do they think they are? They are able to get all of the city on a standstill to watch the streetlights switching on and off. You can be sure if your tooth is aching and they shout that subconscious slogan "kila kitu mia," although you seek a painkiller, you'll have to endure the pain and turn! You mean a woman's 3-day-durability-shoe can calm your pain? What do I have to do with a third-hand dress selling on River Road in end-month, yet I find not only myself but also gentlemen in their 4 by 4s almost hitting the car ahead because of "checking everything!" These hawkers are not as simplistic as we've come believe. They've got a spell with them, a charm that makes you want to list them in your company's payroll for free!

Third, when I think that my quiet and genteel is promotes my privacy, these guys seem to have CCTV cameras in the innermost parts of my house. They seem to sell the exact things my buddy found missing yesternight! And that's not for me alone. You see by their beckoning I feel that they know now I've wanted to buy a watch this last year.They sell the exact thing you need and they don't call it by name (as though to protect you from public shame)- or should I say they call it by name but preserve the unspoken oath of privacy in "kila kitu!" Honestly, what would you be seeking except one that is contained in "kila kitu"? And who would be honestly offended if his neighbors realised he bought a product called "kila kitu", although he would ask to be skinned than to call "kila kitu" by a singular name in public?

Now, and last, don't pretend that you're smart enough not to understand the nominal code that defines their market. When they say "kila kitu", it is for your comfort not for your taking. "Kila kitu mia" does not mean for hundred-Bob you leave the stand bare, of course except if your body is itching to have bones rearranged suddenly and violently, or if demons can't figure a decent way to finish up with you. Instead it "everything"in the streets means "just a single piece." Don't think otherwise unless you want to prove the value of my community service here.

Now you can see how a simple express simpleton can bulge into acts of great genius and perfect codification. Perhaps we've been sensitized by experience until we hardly celebrate the unheralded brains in the streets. You know what, if they began the Nobel Prize series in the honorary sciences of conceitedness, I know whom to nominate. Hawkers are my heroes this time!

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