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It happened in May


We were on a school picnic to a water park. We were at the wave pool. Everyone was laughing, splashing and shouting...I was too. The water was deep, I held my friend's arm, he held mine. It wasn't intimacy, it wasn't romance, it wasn't lust, just the immense trust. It was balance and safety. And a moment- so stupidly normal- me being sixteen. And then she came- A teacher, someone i respected. Words like knives in a silk glove and she wore an smile while saying that. Just. Like. That. A joke in disguise. I was torn apart. My mind was blank. She made me feel dirty, I felt like stain. She left but her words remained. Laughter died, my voice died with it too. The tears came, not for guit, but from this sick confused rage like I was burning from inside and didn't even know why. Then she came again- Would you have done that if my mother was here? That was her question. Literally- the audacity- as if I have sinned. I told her eyes- Yes. A sharp yes. Because my mom knows me. She raised me to know the difference between touch and trust, between laughter and lust. She had nothing to say. Gave a fake comfort and walked away. But something remained. A scar. A voice in my head, i hadn't invited. That day, i didn't feel guilty. I felt... humiliated. Like I had done something, but I couldn't figure out what. Like I have crossed a line that wasn't even mine. I was blamed for the way someone else might think, for simply being a girl in water near boy. Not hidden, not secretive, not wrong. Just visible. And i haven't forgotten that moment, even now. It happened in May. But it still lives inside me. I didn't invite anything. I didn't deserve Your tone, your words, your twisted lens. It was not my fault. It was NEVER my fault.

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Book: Reflection on the Important Things