Her Eyes Were Shut While I Played My Melody
Some people say that the shaping of your life is your own work. Maybe.
I never questioned God why I was abandoned and grew up in an orphanage. I had a simple but happy life there. I had never searched for the ones who let me see the wonders of this world since I accepted my life as it is. I didn't want to expect anything like having my biological parents picking me up and bringing me home. Perhaps I didn't want to feel any frustration or I am just contented with what I have.
The orphanage has been supporting my studies until I graduated from the university with a degree in teaching for Secondary Education. Luckily, I was immediately employed to teach in a place where I never expected my life to be changed.
The first time I landed my feet and laid my eyes on the place, I was truly amazed with everything I saw. The environment was so clean and green natural resources were abundant. The air is so refreshing and it is a real and quiet place to stay. It is a five hour travel from the city where I've grown up.
I stayed in a small house behind a chapel with a jolly and loving priest, Fr. Leon. He has been serving there for more than five years. He is already in the age of fifty five and I knew him since I was a child because he has been looking after me until I turned 16. By that time, he left because he was relocated by the missionary council. He is like a real parent to me because I really appreciate when he calls me ‘son’ and because of him, I got a job.
One cool Sunday afternoon, the sky was clear and fresh air dominated the earthly space so I decided to stroll around. The church and school campus were surrounded by bottle brush trees with thick golden bushes beneath them. Near the chapel, there was a single American pine tree. On the shade of the pine tree, I noticed someone else: a lady.
I wondered what she was doing so I decided to get closer. As I made my steps towards her, I felt a very strange feeling that I had never felt before. I heard my heart pounding so loud and faster as I got closer, but I managed to ignore it. Finally, I stood behind her. I couldn’t see what she was doing. She was wearing a faded blue jeans paired with a multi-colored loose t-shirt and her long black hair was perfectly tied up like a pony tail.
“Eh...Excuse me,” I said to start a conversation. “I didn’t mean to disturb you. Wh...What are you doing?”
With obvious gracefulness in her movements, she looked back at me. Unintentionally, she dropped the paintbrush and the mixtures of tempera she was holding. Her hands were shaking and she stared at me as tears rolled down her pretty face. She remained speechless but I saw the element of surprise in her eyes. I cast a glance at her painting and I was startled to see my face painted on the canvas. Perfect. There was no mistake. She painted me. It was almost finished and just a few final touch of paint would be done. Queries flooded my mind as I heard her say: "This...this..is a nightmare...” And then she lost her consciousness. With alertness, I was able to hold her before she dropped to the ground.
I didn’t know what to do. I was so perplexed but being aware of the situation, I carried her to the house. I carefully laid her on the sofa. I opened the windows and turned on the fan for ventilation and I called a physician to check her condition.
After the medical doctor checked her, I sat next to her and watched her sleep. I was so amazed how someone can look so beautiful. She has very good facial features and fair complexion. Her closed pretty eyes were full of dreams and hopes in life. Her delicate tall nose and thin lips made her more enchanting.
I was about to touch her face when she opened her eyes. “Oh, I'm sorry. I didn’t mean to disturb you,” I said as I felt my face flushed. She looked around as she carefully managed to sit. When she realized that she was in the priest's home, she looked at me with no sign of any emotion in her eyes.
“Are you okay? How do you feel? The doctor said you need to rest for a while.”
“I’m okay,” she said turning her eyes away.
“May I ask you something? Ah, I mean...if it's okay with you?" I asked with a bit hesitation but I have to.
"Sure," she said looking back at me which meant it was alright to have a conversation with her.
"How come you were able to paint my face? Did we meet before?” I asked curiously.
"No. I don't know you personally but I know you in my dreams. It is a very strange and surprising thing for me." she explained. I got interested and I asked more questions.
"What were your dreams like?"
"In my dreams, most of the scenarios were me...listening to you singing my favorite songs." She said.
"In your dreams, while I sing, do you see my face?"
"Yes. I remember every detail: the way you smile, the way you look at me, and even the way you close your eyes in some parts of the song while singing." she explained as I notice her face flushed. It was really amazing and I really don't know what to say.
"So why did you paint my face?" I asked smiling at her.
"It is my hobby to paint faces I see in my dreams but this is the only time I saw someone I have painted...so I fainted." she explained showing her honest and confident smile. "May I ask for a favor?" she added.
"Sure! Go ahead." I answered.
"Do you really sing?” she asked with a shy tone of voice.
"Yes. I do! If your hobby is painting, mine is singing with my lovely guitar." I answered enthusiastically.
Then she asked me to sing one song for her. As I was singing her a song, she stared at me like a child listening to a story. There was joy glimmering in her eyes and in my heart, there was a pure intention of making her smile.
Before she left, I accompanied her to fix her painting materials under the tree.
“I always come here on Sundays to paint and to visit Fr. Leon. He is my father’s friend before but Dad passed away last year." she said with a saddened expression.
"Oh. I'm sorry to hear that."
"It's okay. As time passes, I'm learning to accept that life can be so short. It's so hard to deal with losing someone close to your heart. By...by the way, my name is Claire," she said extending her arm for a hand shake.
“Beautiful name. I'm Arden and nice to meet you...Claire.” I replied as I shake hands with her. Then we said our goodbyes for that day. She left hurriedly because she wanted to go home before it gets dark.
For the very first time, I met someone who made me feel different. As I watched the sun set, like the spreading of a peacock’s tail, I sweetly smiled unto myself.
***********************
The next day, as I entered my first session in Secondary Form 6,senior English class, I noticed a familiar figure at the corner of my eye. I was very much surprised to see her in my class. It was a real awkward situation for me. My heart beat so fast and every glance she threw me, little by little made me so conscious in discussing my lesson. I tried my best to overcome the awkwardness as time was so swift and afternoon came. When I went back to the faculty, I found a piece of paper inserted in my lecture notes.
Sir Den,
Our paths crossed once again.
Yesterday, you were my friend.
Now, you’re my teacher.
And tomorrow, what would we be?
_Claire_
After reading her note, I folded and kept it in my wallet. What did she mean by that? What would we be tomorrow? I can't deny unto myself that I feel something special for her and I was so afraid that the feeling I felt towards her is what they call love. Then what would happen to my job if I fall for her? My mind went advanced again analyzing our situation. Then, I went home with a troubled mind.
Upon arriving home, I asked some things about Claire from Fr. Leon. "She's from a very kind family. Her father owns this land area where the school and church were built but they donated it to the people. Hmm..anyways, she's a bright and talented young lady. Why are you interested about her?” he asked.
“Fr., don’t get me wrong but she’s in my advisory class. It is a very awkward situation for us and...and she's matured-looking at her age. I never expected such thing. She’s five years younger than me.”
"Whatever is troubling you my son, pray for it. Be guided by the values taught to you since you were young."
I wasn't able to say anything to Fr. Leon. So, I just made myself busy with my paper works trying to forget the anxiety.
The next days were so fast. I ignored how Claire stared at me in the classroom. She was doing well and she got high grades, not only in my subject but also in the other subjects. As her class adviser, she loved to impress me and I can say that she was outstanding in everything.
Though in school, we maintained our image of an ordinary teacher and student but on Sundays, we took the risk of seeing each other as friends. We did not care about what other people say.
Half a year passed. We were used to seeing each other on Sundays under the tree where I first met her. In just a short period of time, our friendship flourished in a special way. I was so happy that we’re close enough to be friends. But I began to worry because the peculiar feeling grew deeper and deeper as it became more painful inside. To feel it is sweet and a pure joy, but to think of the burden is awful. My heart wanted to explode and reveal the truth. This bothered me so much and so I confessed to Fr. Leon.
“It’s not bad to fall in love my son, but Claire is your student. Think what people will say about you especially that you’re her teacher. You have to take care of your reputation,” he said.
“But I can’t stop this feeling anymore. I want to tell her the truth before it’s too late. I want to try because I don't want to regret” I insisted.
“Arden, listen. When friends fall in love, they’re meant for each other but when friends fall out, it means they want to keep each other forever. It’s funny how people set qualifications for the right person to love, but did you ever ask yourself that the person you love would always be an exception? You may not be able to understand but perhaps, that's the way God has written your life.”
I couldn’t answer him back. I was so perplexed. I kept asking myself why I shouldn’t fall in love with Claire. She’s my friend in the first place but she’s my student at the same time.
*********************************
It was a rainy Friday afternoon of January when I found a folded scented paper on my table. It was from Claire.
Sir Den,
The first time I saw you and even in my dreams, I knew, I was struck by Cupid’s arrow. You’re my inspiration in everything. I want you to be proud of me. I want to be the best for you. And I want you to know how much I am attracted to you. I’ll wait for your decision before I graduate.
Forgive me for being bold enough to confess what I feel but remember this: I always believed that “LOVE’S NEVER WRONG WHEN IT’S REAL”. See you on Sunday-same place.
_Claire_
After reading it, I heard angels clapping inside my heart. I was so happy because she felt the same after all. I didn’t know what to do, the next step I would ever do. Would I tell her that I love her, too? Again and again, I asked myself until I had fully decided to tell her the truth.
Sunday came. I waited for her on the same place but she didn’t arrive. I was frustrated once again.
We see each other in school but we never got the chance to have a conversation. We were trying to be careful on the judgment of people towards us. In those times, mobile phones were still rare in the place so there was no other way to communicate with her. I cannot call her at home by telephone because she told me once how strict is her mom.
Three months has passed already but I haven't told her how I feel. She never came to our meeting place but I heard from rumors that her mom didn't allow her to go out on weekends. I guessed she told her mom about how she feels for me. I got so worried about her but I didn't stop praying that she will be fine.
Claire’s graduation day came. I couldn’t go near her because her mother threw me a sharp and killing look. “Oh my God, why did you let me love a lady who could never be mine?” I whispered to myself. I should find a way to talk to her.
The graduation program was over and people were already packing up. I was so desperate and so I decided to go home, but I found myself sitting uncomfortably in our meeting place. I felt frustrated, hurt and confused. What should I do? Will I ever have the chance to tell her how much I love her? Will I ever hold her in my arms again? Will I be able to sing another song for her? Why is life so unfair to me?
Then suddenly, I heard footsteps towards my direction. “Who’s there?” I asked without looking back wiping my tears away.
“It’s me, sir…Arden. I just want to see you one last time,” she said softly.
I stood up and looked at her. Crystal tears were rolling down her cheeks. Her words “one last time” shot my heart with a bullet of fear that I am going to lost her forever.
“I’m so glad you’re here,” I said with blurry eyes. “Here’s a special present for you. You'll find our names etched on it.”
She opened the gift and she asked me to put it on her hand.
“Thank you…thank you for everything. I’ll treasure this bracelet and use it wherever I go…I …I’ll always remember you,” she said already crying. I couldn’t stop myself so I hugged her tightly, so close to my heart. I was carried away by my emotions. Tears rolled down my face. I wiped them and finally, I found the courage to tell her how much I love her.
“You told me, love’s never wrong when it’s real...and... I agree because I had loved you since the day we met. I never knew that every step...every step I took since the day I could walk was a step towards finding you.” I said as she cried even harder. I felt joy but at the same time, I felt pain because she responded to me with tears.
"My mom wants me to study overseas for my university. Next week, we’ll be leaving,” she said sobbing. "You'll wait for me, right?"
“Yes, I’ll wait for you…no matter what happens. I love you so much” I replied.
“Thanks,” she simply said. “Please sing me the song you sang the day we first met...the same song you sang in my dreams. I want to hear it again, again and again,” she said looking lovingly into my eyes.
I held her hand and we danced with the wind as I sang her requested song. We shared that moment as if it would last forever. I wanted time to stop.
Suddenly, Claire’s mother came. “How dare you!” she said as she slapped my face. I couldn’t look at her. “Stay away from my daughter!” she demanded as she pulled Claire from my grasp. Claire was crying that moment. Both of us lost our words. We stared at each other as the world was crashing between us. I was deeply hurt to see her leave with great protest in her heart, but I had to hold on because she had taken my heart with her.
***************************
Four years passed. I was still hoping for Claire to come back. We did never have any communication and my life did never have any direction since she left. I resigned from my work as a teacher. I left the place where I met her. I spent my time composing songs and I joined a music band that travels overseas for concerts but the thing is, I have never forgotten her. I made her my inspiration and I hoped to be together with her again.
Before the day of my flight for another concert overseas, I received a letter from Fr. Leon that I had to go and see him as soon as possible. I granted his favor without any hesitation.
I was carrying my guitar when I arrived there. I noticed Fr. Leo standing beside the tree where I first met Claire. My heart pounded like thunders in a weary storm as I walked towards the place. That moment, I couldn’t catch my breath. Tears were falling from my eyes without even noticing them. My world was completely devastated when my eyes caught the etched name, “Claire Anne C. Sanchez (1985-2005)”.
I almost wanted to finish my life. Then, Fr. Leo embraced me as I was kneeling weak in front Claire’s grave.
“Fr., please...please tell me what happened.” I asked already sobbing.
“We buried her yesterday. I wrote you a letter but it seemed you received it late,” he said calmly. “Her mother forced her to marry a man she didn’t love and just after six months, she died because of too much depression. Here’s a letter for you from Claire. Her aunt handed it to me yesterday and she wanted to apologize but you were not here. Claire's mom lost her mind so she is in the rehabilitation center now. She needs to recover."
Then my hands were trembling and I almost gave up as I opened the letter.
May 31, 2005
Arden,
The arrow of Cupid, once it hits you, that’s it! I’ve been in love with you all these years. It was the best feeling I’ve ever had but it was also utterly difficult and complicated for both of us. You were my teacher and I was your student, but I told you before, love’s never wrong when it’s real. I maybe with the good Lord by the time you read this but I want you to know that I have no regrets because your love was the best thing that ever happened to me. I will always keep your love with me. Please come and visit me in the place where we first met because I want to hear you singing my favorite song. By this time, I’ll be waiting for you and I'll be watching over you. You don’t have to wait for me anymore.
I love you so much.
Love and prayers,
Claire
After that, I broke down and cried. The wind rushed through my skin. I felt her gracefully embracing my soul reminding me to hold on.
After a moment, I calmed myself and I carefully took my guitar...to sing her favorite song. I knew she was listening.
(Song Title: I'll Never Go by Eric Santos)
You always ask me Those words I say
And tellin' me what it means to me
Every single day You always act this way
For how many times I told you
I love you for this is all I know
Come to me and hold me And you will see
The love I give For you still hold the key
Every single day You always act this way
For how many times I told you
I love you for this is all I know
I'll never go far away from you
Even the sky will tell you
That I need you so
For this is all I know
I'll never go far away from you
(and so on)
****************The End**************
We can write our own stories; we can read very good books and entertaining ones; but don't forget to acknowledge the presence of God for He is the author and director of our lives.
*We experience losses in life but we shouldn't give up hope no matter what.
*We don't have everything but we should learn to treasure what we already have.
*Acknowledge Him in everything we do so that He will recognize us by the time we see Him face to face.
#Have a wonderful life with God!
as Psalm 71:19-21 says:
"Your righteousness, God, reaches to the heavens, you have done great things. Who is like you, God?
Though you have made me see troubles, many and bitter, you will restore my life again; from the depths of the earth you will bring me up.
You will increase my honor and comfort me once more."
~ShermainJoyLipao~
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