Chief Wise Owl's Eggs
“Vengeance is mine,” thought Dan when he saw the billboard on the side of the highway. It was quite uncharacteristic of him to have such feelings, but he could not escape the past. The billboard displayed a picture of an old Native American Indian in full head dress sitting in front of a large tepee. “Chief Wise Owl – 120 years old – remembers everything since the day he was born. You can ask him anything. Just 2 miles.” Dan was nervous with anticipation. Were his questions the right questions? He’d spent a lot of time at the library researching…just so he could ask the right questions, questions that would embarrass the old Chief. He’d show this old Indian to be the phony he was….and still is.
The bus driver pulled in the parking area. At the north end was the large tepee with a sign in front of it. Dan could read the sign from the bus window, but he could not see an old Indian Chief sitting in front. He was beside himself. Is the old Indian there now? Did he get sick or die? This was a scheduled rest stop, so they would be here long enough for Dan to inquire about the old Chief. As soon as he got off the bus, he made a bee line for the tepee. He had to know. After all, the old Chief was the whole reason for this trip.
You see, Dan had lived in Brooklyn his entire life. Oh, he had visited the other boroughs; but had only spent one night away from home. He had spent one night at his uncle’s house in New Jersey. He was supposed to stay longer, but the house burned down the next day. It had something to do with his uncle smoking in bed while drunk.
Dan was a hard working guy. He was a very courteous and kind person, always asking people how they were or how they felt….and with sincerity. He loved children and dogs and cats and critters of all kinds. He was always friendly, saying “Hello” to almost everyone he passed. If someone needed to talk, he was always there. But…..Dan hated being ripped off. The only thing he hated more was being the butt of jokes and jeering comments.
Dan had loved westerns his entire life. Movies or television, he loved westerns. He dreamed of someday having enough money to go on a guided tour of the “old west.” He had several brochures he would dream over in the evenings when he wasn’t working at his second job. All the income from that job went to his “escape fund,” the money he was saving for the tour of the old west. He worked hard and often, if they would let him; but it was worth it. He had a dream.
One evening, he found cause for celebration. His little bank book said he had enough money for the tour and the time off away from work. He had been saving for years. He grabbed his stack of tattered brochures and started to dream. The next day, he found that only one of the tours was still available and was much more expensive now. His brochures had gotten old. So many years had passed; but, still, he had his dream. He would have to eke out some additional savings; but he would make this trip. It was worth it.
The tour started, appropriately enough, at the Gateway to the West in St. Louis. It was a very comfortable Mercedes tour bus with all the amenities necessary for such a trip. Only 14 people were taking this tour. Their first stop was Hannibal, Missouri and the home of Samuel Clemens, more widely known as Mark Twain. From there, the gold fields of the Dakotas; the buffalo ranches; the Little Bighorn, site of Custer’s Last Stand; Mount Rushmore; and the Grand Tetons as they pushed westward, trying to stay close to the original Oregon Trail. Then, the tour went south into California where they visited Sutter’s mill, where the California Gold Rush started; then west into Nevada and the ghost towns of the silver boom. The tour continued into Arizona to see the Grand Canyon, the ancient Indian pueblo ruins, and Fort Apache before heading into the “badlands” of northern New Mexico.
So far, Dan had been a little disappointed. After all, there were no roving herds of buffalo, no Indian wars, no real gunfights. He had enjoyed the trip, but it just wasn’t the stuff of dreams. It was on this leg of the tour that Dan had made a life changing decision. He saw a billboard. It featured an old Native American Indian in full head dress sitting in front of a large tepee and said, “Chief Wise Owl – 112 years old – remembers everything since the day he was born. You can ask him anything. Just 2 miles.” Dan marveled at what he might learn about the old west from this old Indian Chief. His mind was going places. He was excited.
Their bus driver pulled into the rest area. Dan practically ran over to the large tepee. He could see the old Indian Chief sitting inside as he read the sign. “Chief Wise Owl – 112 years old – remembers everything since the day he was born. You can ask him anything. TWO QUESTIONS - $20. Dan had not counted on having to pay to speak to the old Chief. He did not have a lot of money left. He looked into his wallet and all he saw was a $20 bill and his tickets home. That was it. So, if he wanted to ask the old Chief questions, they would have to be good ones. “What’s a good question to ask? What am I gonna ask him?” he thought. He took the $20 bill out of his wallet and handed it to the pretty girl attendant. He’d think of something. This opportunity was too good to pass. She smiled and said, “Ask good questions. Each time he answers a question he will hold up a finger.” As Dan stepped inside, he saw the old Chief sitting there, smoking a pipe in front of a small fire. Just being courteous, as always, Dan raised his right hand and said, “How.” The old Chief, without even glancing up, said, “Fine.”….and held up a finger.
Dan thought to himself, “Gosh, I was just trying to be friendly. I didn’t mean that as one of my questions.” ….but what could he do? His mind was racing when suddenly he blurted out, “What did you have for breakfast on April 5th of 1892.” Instantly Dan thought, “What kind of stupid ass question was that.” With no hesitation, no pause for thought, and again without even looking up, the old Indian Chief quietly said, “Eggs.”…..and held up his second finger. Somehow, that simple, spontaneous response, a response that said absolutely nothing of the old west, made Dan warm all over. “He knew. The old Indian knew” he marveled. He could not wait to tell his friends about Chief Wise Owl when he got home.
He endured the rest of the trip without cash, gobbling package after package of peanuts on the flight from St. Louis to New York. He was starving. His brother came to pick him up at the airport. They met some of their friends at a bar close to home, drank a few beers and ate a pizza. Dan was more than willing to talk about all he saw, but was almost reverent when speaking of Chief Wise Owl’s ability to remember everything since he was born. One of Dan’s buddies finally asked, “What did you ask him so great that it was worth your last $20?” “Well….I screwed up the first question; but I asked a good one after that. I asked him what he had for breakfast on April 5th of 1892 and he said, “Eggs.” Can you believe it?! He remembered that after all those years…..and with no hesitation?! Can you believe it?!” His friends looked at each other, then at Dan….incredulously. They could barely believe the naiveté, the sheer ignorance, behind all Dan's excitement. One of them looked at him and sadly said, “Dan, he could have said buffalo chips and you wouldn’t know if it was true or not. He suckered you out of your last $20 and sent you packin’ my friend.”
Later, after some soul searching, Dan knew it was true. He had been chiseled out of his last $20. He had starved all the way home. He had been embarrassed by his buddies. Dan swore revenge, swore he would return as soon as his budget would permit. He would embarrass that old Indian Chief. Eight years later – a long time to carry a grudge - Dan had finally saved enough to carry out his plan. He had not lost his focus. Oh, he would not take the entire tour again – he could not afford that; but he would be visiting Chief Wise Owl all right. He was ready. He hoped that Chief Wise Owl was still alive after all this time.
Now, Dan is standing in front of the large tepee. He nervously asks the pretty attendant if Chief Wise Owl is available. She smiles and says, “Sure. One question is $30. Ask a good one.” Dan is shocked and thinks, “Thirty bucks?! Thirty bucks?!” He had not counted on a price increase at all. He looks in his wallet and all he sees is a $20 bill, a $10 bill and his tickets home. But Dan has not come this far after so long a time just to be denied. Vengeance would be his, by God. He reaches into his wallet, takes out his last remaining $30 and pays the pretty girl attendant. She smiles as he steps toward the entry to the tepee.
It seems a little darker than Dan remembered, but there sits Chief Wise Owl, smoking a pipe in front of a small fire. “He looks very natural there,” Dan thinks; “and he doesn’t really look much older.”
For the very briefest of moments, maybe even less, the courteous Dan, the always cordial, ever-friendly Dan takes over as he quite unconsciously raises his right hand and says, “How.” Immediately - sooner really - Dan realizes what he has done. Oh, no! The time and money he has wasted, the revenge unrealized, and just how stupid he will feel when his friends ask what happened. His eyes are squeezed shut. His lips are tight. He is wrapped in anguish as he waits to hear the old Indian once again say, “Fine.”
But Chief Wise Owl looks up at Dan. Is it the fact Dan has made the same mistake he had made so many years ago? Is it Dan’s voice or mannerism? Is he just tired of looking down? Whatever…the old Chief sees Dan’s rueful grimace, sees his anguish and frustration. His time-aged and weathered face breaks into a toothless, but very genuine, smile as he says,
“Scrambled.”
Comments