Carnival
Fog descends among the petrichor on a misty evening. Music and laughter can be heard as two women enter a carnival. Victoria is slightly taller than her counterpart. Her long raven black hair blows around her emerald green eyes, and her black dress clings to her slim figure. Willow is slightly shorter and chubbier. Her reddish-brown hair rests upon her shoulders. She has such rich brown eyes, they almost look like pools of chocolate. Both women seem nervous of each other. Then tension between them is almost electrifying.
They both want to reach out a hand but are too scared. Finally, Willow breaks the barrier and grabs Victoria's hand. "Is this okay, my dear?" asks Willow.
"Yes, quite okay," Victoria gingerly answers.
Relief could be felt between them as the ice has finally been broken. Upon entering the carnival, they can see why they call it a freak show. The strong man has every inch of his flesh covered in tattoos. You can barely tell under the flicker of lights that he is human, giving off the illusion of a demonic presence. The shortest man alive, well, he was missing half his face. He would greet you by removing his mask and spitting water through the missing muscle and skin. Conjoined twins, people hanging by hooks, and swallowing fire seemed to be the norm. Not to forget the most pierced person alive. There was not an inch on his body that wasn't covered in metal.
Though this was regular fare at this type of event, for some reason, the atmosphere felt particularly sinister. Almost like an eerie haze covered every inch of the grounds, to the point Victoria didn't even want to leave Willow's side for a second. It felt like something was always lurking around the corner. They decided to go to a show together; maybe if they sit inside, Victoria could shake this feeling. A feeling she was being watched by the shadows. Voices whispering to her from the beyond.
Not even the sword swallower could offer distraction. It didn't help that everyone looked so familiar. Victoria decides to close her eyes just for a few moments. Maybe it was all the lights that were messing with her. Willow was right by her side so she wouldn't leave her.
***
A loud thud startles Victoria awake. She looks around but the tent is completely empty.
"Where did everyone go?, Where's Willow?", she thought, as her blood turned cold and she starts to panic.
Trying to catch her breath, she races outside the tent. There's nothing but the mist and grey sky. All the attractions are gone.
"What the ****?", she thinks. "There's nothing but an empty field left."
Her mind races. Her heart feels like it's pounding out of her chest. Her knees buckled under her. Her head spins so fast she can't focus. Her breathing shallows until she passes out.
When she wakes she's not in an abandoned field anymore,but her own bed. " Was that all a dream?" "How could it be if it felt so real? All she knows is whatever that was couldn't have been a dream.
***
Victoria had always been different, for as long she could remember. Never fitting into society. Oh, look, it's the freak who loves a little differently, looks a little strange. Let's destroy her soul, rip out her heart. It's not like she has any emotions anyway. I mean, what kind of abomination loves the same sex, has a fascination with the occult. Shred her confidence. Into her brain, they laid seeds of contempt. Repetition was the key. All those whispers behind her back.
Why does she always dress so dark? Does she sacrifice animals? Eat them for her lunch. Is that the **** she was eating? So, spread the rumors and let the wildfire start. Might as well eviscerate her light. As we wear her down until she is barely hanging on by a thread, then cut that rope.
But somehow, she managed to survive.
Sitting on the dew-covered grass as the sun begins to rise with glorious colors, Victoria flashbacks how she found herself a family, and acceptance. Straight out of high school and lost, she drifted from town to town for a while, picking up the odd job here and there. Making just enough to barely get by. Becoming like a ghost in the night. Even her shadow was disappearing under her crippling loneliness. Living in this perpetual nightmare, she knew something had to change or she would lose herself into nothingness forever. Waking up every day felt like she had to rip herself out of quicksand. But she always mustered up the little strength she had and dragged herself out of that living tomb to try to start a new day.
****
What a joke, she thinks, a new day? More like the old nightmare. But Victoria throws her clothes on and goes to her mediocre job once more. Almost no one noticed her presence anyway. Except for one shy, loving soul. Dressed in black with a soul that radiated from every corner of the room, her name is Willow.
She's the only one who even attempts to talk to Victoria. Willow has a voice that could put even the most hurt person at ease. Having lunch, Willow asks if Victoria would like to go to the carnival with her. The show had just come to town and Willow really didn't want to go alone, so she figured why not give it a try and ask Victoria. They're quite similar after all.
Victoria is hesitant but figures why not; she has no freaking life anyway. So they finish eating and got back to work. Victoria arrives home that night and for the first time, actually feels a small glimmer of hope.
She had been craving any bit of affection for so very long and now she might have it. So she decides to make herself up. She tries to remember if she ever got dressed nice, but all she can see is the trauma.
No, not tonight, shove that back down where it belongs. Build a wall around it so high, no one will ever know. For right now, she will try to find happiness. A reason to believe everything happens for a reason. And that first step is making herself presentable. But the seed of doubt is a hard beast to kill. When's the last time she shopped for clothes? In fact, Victoria doesn't know if she even has anything decent to put on.
Opening her closet, she throws all her outfits onto her worn- out bed. She can hear the creaking of the springs as the fabric starts to pile up. Dust streams through the moonlight peeking through her dirty window. A slight breeze billows the threadbare curtains.
There has to be something, anything, I can wear, she thinks. Thoughts race around her fracturing mind. Does Willow really like her or is she like all the rest? Is this all just a sick joke for Willow's pleasure? Because in the end, who will actually like her? Her whole life has been sadistic pleasure for others. Starting to fall down the rabbit hole again, she pulls out of it by the blaring of sirens passing her house.
No time to waste; Willow will be here to pick her up soon. So she gets back to the task at hand, looking for an outfit. In the back of her closet, pressed up against the stained wall, she sees a little black dress. She had completely forgotten she owned this. It was bought for her mom's funeral that she was never invited to. So she'd hid it away to never look at the sorrow again. Because for some reason, she couldn't return it or throw it away.
It's perfect and will have a new meaning: the beginning of her regenesis.
Slipping the velvety dress over her once overshadowed figure, she realizes she actually forgot she was a woman. Her wardrobe, for years now, has been baggy sweatpants and t-shirts, so she could disappear. Fade into the herd of the crowd.
****
Looking at the clock, it's half past seven. A slight chill can be felt coming from the slightly cracked bedroom window.
"I better grab a jacket", Victoria thinks.
Unfortunately, most of her jackets looked like they had seen better days but at least they were black. Draping it over her shoulders, she hoped it would blend in with the dress. Anyway, it's too late now, this will have to suffice, she tells herself as she hears a faint knock at her door.
Trying not to seem too eager, she walks casually to the weathered front door. At that moment, she's a little ashamed the yellow paint is peeling and there are splits in the wood where spiders made their home.
Hopefully Willow wouldn't notice or just not care.
As she opens the door, she notices Willow is also dressed up. She is wearing a beaded black blouse and a knee-high black skirt with slits up both sides.
"Maybe this is more than a casual outing," Victoria ponders.
"Hey, are you ready to go?" Willow almost whispers.
Nodding her head, Victoria grabs her black patent purse and locks the front door behind her.
***
The ride there is more than awkward.
Oh, it's not that Willow's car isn't nice. In fact, it's pristine. Not a speck of dust on the dashboard and the windows are so clean you forget they are there. The seats are covered with the most intricate rose and thorn pattern Victoria’s ever seen. A scent of lavender wafts through the air vents.
The problem is not the ride: it's that deep in the back of their minds, they both wonder if this is more than a friendly outing. Victoria is more than nervous. She can hear her heart pumping in her head. Her mouth has become so dry it's like the Mojave Desert. The nausea becomes nearly overwhelming.
"Think about anything, something to calm down", she says to herself. Can't vomit before we even get there. God, I don't want to ruin this night."
The stars! Look at the stars out the window.
That's what she will do. Space and nature have always called to her. Like something calling her into another realm. She never felt that she belonged here but she could never put her finger on where she belonged. But right now, she was just going to calm this panic attack.
Focusing on the sky, Victoria manages to ease her anxiety. She can now see the lights of the carnival within view. Willow pulls up to the valet, reaches out her delicate hand, and reaches for the ticket.
"You can leave your car here, ma'am. We will park it for you," says the boy.
" So young," Willow thinks, "but this is a carnival, maybe he is family."
They grab their belongings and exit the black sedan. As the cool air hits Victoria, it sends an abnormal chill down her spine. Something suddenly feels off, the shift in energy makes her hair stand on end. She gets the weirdest sense of déjà vu. Like she knows she has been to this carnival before. Lived this life on a type of repeat.
"Knock it off," she thinks, it was just the wind, for ****'s sake.
***
The air is filled with the scent of popping corn and fried foods as they enter the carnival. They can hear the barkers trying to sell their shows in the distance, while bright lights illuminate the whole grounds. A giant Ferris wheel spins near the back of the park, the metal glistening against the pale moonlight. Everything looks like a typical carnival yet Victoria still can't shake off this feeling of dread. It's the type of fear that sits in your gut and just stays there, festering, eating you alive. Yet it could be her anxiety, so she pushes it down and tries to have a good evening.
"Would you like some food first and then would you like to check out an exhibit?" Willow asks as they continue to wander around the grounds.
Victoria had forgotten to eat as she was getting ready; in fact,she didn't even think about it until now. "I think I would like some food first, if that is alright with you," she answers.
"Perfect, I was hoping you would say that as I am actually starving!"
They head towards the direction of the food tents as Victoria can't seem to get out of her head. I know I have been here before,I just know I recognize these faces, these exhibits, the sights and sounds.
" It's the hunger," she tries to convince herself. " My blood sugar is just too low and I'm starting to hallucinate a bit."
*****
They sit down on what looks like to be vintage chairs, which seem as though they have definitely seen better days. The green paint is peeling off, exposing rusted metal underneath. Both too hungry to care, the corn dogs they ordered are gone within minutes.
"Now that we can think a little bit better, would you like to explore the grounds some more?" asks Willow.
Nodding her head, Victoria grabs her jacket and they both head off. Déjà vu hits Victoria again. This time is almost overwhelming. Like flashbulbs in her eyes, all she can see are weird flashbacks. Almost like watching a movie you swear you have seen before. Haunting winds sound like voices whispering in her ears.
"Welcome back, you were missed."
"What the **** is happening to me?, Maybe I've finally cracked!" Wait. This is a carnival, maybe this is all just part of the fun."
"Willow, do you hear anything strange?", she asks.
"No, nothing unusual, Victoria. Why do you ask?"
"Nothing." No reason, Willow, just forget about it."
****
Exhibit after exhibit and this feeling of dread only intensifies.
"That strong man, why does he keep looking at me like that?", God , I think the shortest woman alive is also doing it." "Why do they keep glaring at me, like they can see into my soul?, Does Willow even notice?
She keeps questioning herself and her sanity. Grabbing onto Willow even tighter, Victoria tries to escape her mind, which is becoming a surrealist nightmare.
"Hun, are you sure you are okay?", Willow asks.
"I don't know. You sure nothing strange is going on?", asks Victoria.
"Not that I can see, I swear." Would you like to go home now?" Willow asks.
"No, it's okay, let's try to have some fun. I'm really enjoying your company."
Yet all these shadows she can't seem to shake. Something is haunting her. She knows she can feel ghosts calling out to her. Her sanity is slipping further down the rabbit hole. Why did she come to this ****ing carnival? "Maybe a little wine will help," she thinks.
"Willow, may we "get something to drink?"Victoria asks.
"Of course, my dear."
***
Time passes, but the wine is only making it worse. The whole tent begins to spin around Victoria. She is losing her grip, falling down to the ground. Willow can't seem to wake her up.
"****, she is out stone cold," she says.
***
The visions come back.
"Victoria, welcome back!" the barker said. "We missed you so much".
She's now dressed in a black and crimson red corset dress. Victorian-era clothing all around her. The flicker of oil lamps surround her silhouette. She was no longer in the twenty- first century.
"What happened?" , she muttered."
"Your soul is back where it belongs," he replied . "Don't you know? We own you." "Your soul is damned to live this day over and over again."
"I mean, you were the one who chose to sacrifice that boy to join us. Playing with Satanic cults., You know there have to be consequences." " This is now your carnival of torment."
"But what about all my memories?Those seemed so real."
"Oh, those., We manufactured them from pieces of your past," he answered. "We keep up with the times too, which makes it seem more realistic." "Hell is, after all, very creative, don't you know?"
"What about Willow, she seemed so real?", she asked.
"Oh, her., She was, once, Think back real hard," the barker answered. "She loved you so much, but your blood lust you loved more." "So when the village came after you and hanged you for what you did…, well, she went mad." Went on a killing spree of her own. You broke her soul. She is right here, Victoria, forced to live this fate over and over again with you."
"Welcome to eternity my friends." "I hope you enjoy your stay, for this is one show that never ends."
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