Cannot Pass Anymore
The city was settling into dusk's embrace at ten, leaving Perry alone with the weight of his thoughts. The emptiness of his apartment matched the void within - not mere solitude, but a desperate yearning that had haunted him until this moment of clarity.
He began his nightly ritual, grinding fresh beans for his espresso. The familiar aroma filled his kitchen, but tonight the scent intertwined with memories that cut deeper than usual. Each breath carried whispers of regret, his heightened senses making every moment almost unbearably vivid.
The ceramic cup felt foreign in his hands, the coffee's darkness reflecting something altered in its depths. "Something's unusual. Different blend? Or stronger roast than intended, perhaps?" he pondered, but dismissed these thoughts as quickly as they surfaced, knowing they were merely distractions from deeper truths.
While savoring his espresso, his eyes fell on a weathered piece of yellow paper tucked in his wallet - a relic from his freshman year that had survived countless moves and years of neglect. The sight of it stirred something profound within him.
His mind wandered to those sleepless nights of his youth, when passion burned bright in his eyes and ambition coursed through his veins. Perry allowed himself a bitter smile, remembering his younger self's naive certainty. "The good times," he whispered, the words hollow in the empty room.
That October 2017 memory clung to him like a persistent shadow, its weight growing heavier with each passing day. He could still hear the deafening silence in the lecture hall as he stared at his exam results. The red ink seemed to mock him, each mark a nail in the coffin of his dreams. It was the day he realized he might never become the CPA he had always envisioned himself to be.
In the fractured moment when voices had called out - "It's okay, Perry," "There's more to life," "It's not the end" - they had failed to understand. Their well-meaning words had been mere ripples on the surface of his deeper anguish.
Perry's eyes lingered on the framed photograph adorning his desk, where his parents' radiant smiles captured that triumphant moment at his high school graduation. Each glance at their proud faces now pierced his heart like a dagger, their countless sacrifices and boundless faith in his potential transformed into crushing weights upon his shoulders. The thought of meeting their gaze, of admitting how far he had fallen short of the future they had dreamed for him, filled him with a suffocating shame that threatened to overwhelm him entirely.
He thought of Kim, the girl he had pushed away in his relentless pursuit of success. Her last words echoed in his mind: "There's more to life than just numbers, Perry." Now, as he stood alone in his empty apartment, he realized the true cost of his single-minded ambition.
Violent thoughts crashed through his mind like waves against a rocky shore, each one labeled "if only" until they merged into a torrent of regret. For the first time since that night, Perry felt absolute certainty. He knew exactly what remained to be done.
---
He ascended to the rooftop, where the moonlit sky stretched endlessly above him. Twenty-seven stories up - one for each year of his life, each filled with promise, now ending in despair. The stars seemed to mock him with their brilliance as he clutched the paper bearing the words "2017: PERCIVAL FLORES, CPA IN JESUS' NAME" - his final testament before embracing the void below.
As he stood on the edge, a gentle breeze carried the distant sound of laughter from the street below. For a fleeting moment, Perry hesitated. Was there still a chance for redemption, for a life beyond the narrow path he had set for himself?
The paper fluttered in his hand, a reminder of dreams both lost and potentially reborn. Perry closed his eyes, took a deep breath, and made his choice.
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