Breakfast

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He pulled into the driveway, suddenly nervous, perspiring. The somewhat battered bouquet he had gotten two hundred miles away seemed pathetic.

Yet, he had driven all this way. Through three states. They had all those letters and even a few calls between them now.

And, she had broken his heart before- fifty-five years ago so it couldn’t be worse than that.

He turned the car off, got out, stood up and stretched. His Corgi, named Corgi waited while he said-“Okay” and then jumped out of the Volvo and started to sniff things.

“Behave yourself now,” he admonished.

And the fact that she had a Corgi as well, wasn’t that sort of a sign of something?

She had named hers Shewi. Pronounced like Sheewi. Corgi was a male and Sheewi was, of course, she.

He hadn’t bugged her about the name. People can get sensitive about that stuff.

He took the bouquet and went to the front door. It was a screen door and no one was around that he could see. He said— “MaryLou!” and peered into the screen mesh. Corgi seemed to be interested in the side of the house, so he followed him there through a gate. There was a garden with her vegetables just like she had described. He wasn’t much of a gardener, but he could still wield a shovel.

Corgi found Shewi and the two exchanged nose kisses and other canine formalities. He squinted through the slanted sun and saw an older woman on her knees facing away from him.

He walked the winding path towards her while the dogs played behind him.

“Hi, there. Want to have sex?” he said holding the bouquet out in front of him.

The woman screamed and tried to stand up and confront him with her trowel. He helped her stand and she tried to pull away calling for Shewi who was too entranced to do much protecting.

She squinted at him and at the bouquet and wiped her face with her sleave which caused a streak of dirt to appear.

“You are dirty, MaryLou,” he said still awkwardly holding out the bouquet which was losing what was left of its perkiness in the sun.

“Peter. Dutch! Is that you!” she said turning him a bit like he was a large hanging, meat item at a butcher. “Your pictures…it is you!”

“Surprise!”

Embarrassed, she again touched her face and again streaked it with dirt.

“Looks like our dogs have made their acquaintance.,” she said regaining herself. Her face beneath the dirt was smooth, white, the skin envied by friends and enemies since high school.

He looked at her smiling.

“What are you looking at?” she asked, suddenly self-conscious.

“We are old! “he said cheerfully. But he meant it. She looked like a grandmother and he, even with his glorious silver hair-he had to admit, looked old when he caught his own reflection.

“Well, then why did you come? I didn’t invite you. This is your surprise. I don’t need to be told how old I look by, even by an old boyfriend…”

“Lover. That was the word you used in the letters…”

“It doesn’t matter what word I used to describe what happened years ago…”

“Fifty-seven, fifty-six and then fifty-five…”

“Years ago! Peter…”

“Dutch…”

“Peter. I think this was bad idea. I know we had a new connection, but it was with letters and a few calls.”

“Didn’t you feel it?” he asked her, looking at her intently. He noticed her green eyes.

“Feel what?”

“The heat!”

“Oh, don’t be silly. We are too old for…”

“Okay, well maybe it was a mistake, but at least can I take you to lunch?” Her shoulders relaxed. She gathered up the harvest she had collected in her basket. He took it from her. She smiled. There it was!

“Don’t be silly. I will at least make you lunch. Geez, you haven’t changed.”

“I hope not,” he said leeringly. This time she laughed a short burst. Just like back in the day.

Back when they hid in her room, the summer days of love-making, one, two, even three times a day. Going to the beach and just staring at her skin against a green suit and marveling at legs that had caused a commotion at their graduation. No school, no plans, jobs off and on. Mostly off.

“Ok, let me tidy-up a bit and you can…do you want to go to your…where you are staying…”

He wasn’t staying anywhere!

“That’s okay. I’ll hang here with the dogs. They are really getting along great.” Corgi and Shewi were playing, oblivious to the intricacies of human interaction.

He took the basket up the stairs to the kitchen. She went ahead and he noticed she was a bit slow but she was still round and he noticed a flash of her calf-white! She looked back as he came up and smiled to herself.

He came back out and sat on the stairs and watched the dogs. They were perfect together. At least he could check that off the list.

She gave him a beer. He could smell something when she passed it to him. Something fresh, not exactly floral, but great. He wasn’t good at smells, wine tasting, cooking.

“Okay. Come on in.” He walked back up the steps. The kitchen had been transformed from when he put the basket next to the sink. Everything had been magically put away. She had put his flowers in a vase in the middle of the table. They had revived.

There was a big, fresh salad on the table, slices of cheese, a loaf of bread. Sliced meats. And he was hungry! He had driven since four am and had just gobbled a fast food, chips, and a coffee or two on the road.

She gave him another beer. She had changed into a dress which gave her a sexy country sort of shape, he thought. And bare feet! Her hair was braided and tied with silver. She had, of course, washed her face and she shone. He hadn’t minded the dirt. Her green eyes had always transfixed him. Particularly during…

“What are you thinking about?” she asked. He looked at her and she blushed. Then-“You haven’t changed!”

“I hope not!”

“Well, this…visit will be….a visit.”

Maybe, he thought. If her letters really were true…He had spent the last six months visiting his doctor and finally getting okayed to get pills for sex. He was ready. Only allowed to have a half pill but he had solo tested it and it worked and he hadn’t died from a heart attack.

Although with her, it would be worth it.

And just being with her, like before. Doing absolutely nothing.

“This place, your place is just like you,” he said. She smiled.

“Thanks. That’s sweet. We worked on it together, but I usually won out. The downstairs is all my ideas, the bedroom, the living room, the porch but the den, the garage, the basement all Daniels.”

“He was a lucky man,” he said, meaning it. “Forty, was it years…”

“Forty-four. Well, like all couples there were heard times. Struggles. Disagreements.” She had mentioned some of these in her letters.

They ate in silence.

“I just thought of something.” He looked up suddenly from the second large sandwich he had made.

“Um…” she gave him another helping of salad.

“We skipped all that stuff. I went through it with my wife…although as you know we divorced…but you and I just had what we had and then skipped all the bad stuff. Fast-forwarded to… ”

“Not all the bad stuff,” she said looking down.

“Well, there was that.” He felt the twinge of grief like it was yesterday when she had broken his heart completely and then it was gone. “Hey, this is good beer and such a great salad.”

“I…” she started to say, but he waved her off.

“Let’s eat. Let’s talk. Tell me about your grand kids.”

And so, she did. They moved to the enclosed porch. She brought coffee and some kind of delicious pastries. When she went out to get something Corgi jumped in his lap.

He woke up and the sun had shifted so it lit up the orchard behind her house. She had put a blanket over him and Corgi was gone, probably playing with Shewi. He could hear her talking on the phone. Giggling? He got up and realized he didn’t know where the bathroom was. He went to the den and she was on the phone, back to him.

Startled again she put her hand over the phone.

“Where is the…”

“Oh, right by the…let me show you. Lucy, I gotta go. Bye.” She showed him the bathroom. It had pictures which she had drawn years ago. He recognized her style. Pen and inks.

He came out and she was back in the kitchen.

“That was the first time you…” she looked embarrassed.

“Yup. I don’t have a problem…some guys gotta go all the time.”

“My Danny. Well, that was sort of the beginning of the trouble.”

She had written in one of her first letters that her husband had died of prostate cancer.

“I guess I am lucky in that department.”

“Good. Good. I am glad you have stayed healthy.” She looked behind him then down. “ I am going out tonight with friends. You can come with or…”

“No, that’s alright. I came to see you. Hey, nice drawings in there. I remember how good you were. Are.” Again, she smiled but he felt that they were at a turning point and he wasn’t sure he could navigate it. For the first time in a few years his confidence sank. He hadn’t really thought of...failing.

“Okay, well. Let’s…I will make you breakfast tomorrow, how is that?”

“Sounds good. I like that idea.”
“Good, well you can wait here while I get ready. You can eat anything you want. And you are probably staying at the new Wilton Motel?”

He hadn’t heard of it, seen it.

“Yes, yeah, that was the name of it.”

“Ok, good. Well, you don’t need to lock the door when you leave. And there is a TV in the den.”

She walked away to the master bedroom which was on the ground floor. He knew when she and her husband had changed it from the upstairs from one of her letters. He knew how much it had cost and how it had helped with her husband when he had gotten bad. When in home care was finally needed.

He almost followed her to the bedroom. One of her letters was burning in his pocket. He had thought there would be some kind of explosion or something between them. But now he wasn’t sure. He felt foolish.

She came back and he was still standing there.

“Oh, you are still there.”

She put on earrings in the hallway mirror. He felt jealous of Danny who would had seen this hundreds of times, unaware of how special it was.

“It isn’t a date,” she said. “Old people don’t date. Just some friends, some wine. One is thinking about going to a retirement home. We are trying to talk her out of it.”

He continued to stare at her.

“Well, I am off. See you later.” She walked away. The two corgis watched her go and then looked up at him.

He wasn’t hungry. He went out front, the two dogs following. There was a stump with a board back nailed to it and he sat down.

Maybe we, I am too old, he thought. This had been his only plan. He didn’t need to work. The union took care of him. He still had a few hobbies, a few friends but this was it.

The sun started to set. Maybe he hadn’t been dramatic enough. Sweeping her off her feet. His opening line-Want to have sex-Man, that was bad. Maybe he had arrived somewhere and he was just imagining she had too.

He felt old. It got a bit chilly. He went to the house and made a sandwich and put it in a plastic container. He made some coffee and found what he hoped was an older thermos. Maybe Dannys.

He went out and put the sandwich and the thermos on the front seat and whistled. Both Corgis came running, happy.

“Sorry to have to break you up, guys. “He walked Shewi into the front room and closed the screen door.

Corgi and Shewi nosed each other through the screen.

He walked to the car and Corgi, seeing he was serious, came running and jumped into the front seat.

“Let’s go buddy. It’s just you and me buddy.”

He started the car, turned on the headlights. And started to back out. As he did a car turned into the driveway.

It was MaryLou.

He waited. She came out of the car and looked over at him. Even from that distance he recognized the look.

He and Corgi got out.

He walked to the front porch. She stood in the light.

“Let me see it.”

“See what?” But he knew.

He reached into his front pocket and took out the fifty-five year old letter, folded and refolded until it was torn and worn. He passed it up to her.

She took out glasses from her purse and read it. He heard a sort of snuck sound like a gasp or sudden inhale. Then she gathered herself. She put the letter on the hallway table.

“Come in.”

He went up the stairs.

She walked ahead of him, to the bedroom, the happy dogs doing circles.

He followed.

She sat down on the bed. Patted it. He sat.

“I am sorry, Dutch. I was young and stupid and he was using me, of course. It didn’t last. It was a mistake. College stuff. Even then I didn’t stop loving you. But I couldn’t…”

The tears came out again, the ones he couldn’t stop for weeks five decades ago.

She held him.

After a while he stopped.

“There is no Wilton Motel,” she said.

“What?”

“There is no Wilton Motel.”

“Oh- yeah. I didn’t….” She just smiled.

She stood up and went to the bathroom looking back at him with another small smile.

He went outside to the car and got his suitcase. And brought it to her room.

She came out with her bathrobe on.

He undressed and put on his pajamas in front of her. She smiled, appraising him.

“You age well.” She had always liked his “no-ass”.

“I can take a pill, well, a half a pill per my cardiologist,” he said.

She took off her bathrobe and got under the covers. She had on white silk pjs.

He got in with her. They both shivered at the same time.

“And I got old gal lube. In case you just sort of showed up.” They both laughed. He turned towards her and stared at her beautiful eyes.

“You have beautiful eyes, “she said to him. Ditto. Finally.

“Be easy on me.” They laughed again. They held each other like no time had passed. The two corgis got on the bed on either side of them.

Soon, she felt his easy breathing on her neck. Then a snore and she turned slowly onto her back. She felt her eyes closing.

They would make love again. When the time was right. There was no rush.

And before she fell asleep, her thought was-

What would she make him for breakfast?

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