AT EARLY DAWN

AT EARLY DAWN

By Angerry L. Feliciano

When I entered the living room, I terribly saw these four young men jamming with the sound of rock music while sniffing the smoke out of crystal tube. My eyes were being dilated by what I am peeking while walking cautiously. I took a quick glance at the long-haired guy who was jumping and nodding wildly. He sang like an infuriated demon. The whole space was possessed and riotous. Hearing this deafening rock music and staring at this dark room, disarrayed sofa, the silhouette of smoke and the dazzling red light from CD player, were all creating the horrible setting of perhaps the inner part of hell.

Although… I felt and knew the most dreadful thing that was about to happen, just the same, I kept walking. But as soon as I crossed the aisle “Hey Bro!” kuya Bernard called me. My heart started beating faster in slow motion, as if I heard the horrible sounds of hungry cannibals running slowly toward me. My feet were nailed from the place where I was standing. “Join us Rodney! This is cool!” kuya Jason’s immediate interruption while smoking and drinking liquor. Kuya Bernard escorted me to a corner, putting his arms around my shoulder. “What’s up? How’s your schooling ha?” he cunningly smiled at me “Relax Bro.” while he’s taking off my knapsack. But when I firmly rejected and say no to his unrelenting persuasion “Come on I’ll teach you another lesson” he furiously pulled my hands. I tensely tried to take his hands off me so I could run back to the front door. “Promise I’ll not say anything to papa! I want to sleep now kuya” I said beseechingly. He broke out a laugh. When I finally took his hands off me and as I am about to ran, unwittingly, I bumped to someone else. It was Kuya Jason who already got in the way. Now I’m dead. I really saw it coming. He approached me with a hard punch that tosses me to the place where they share their pot session. They immediately grabbed and gripped my hands to my back while kuya Bernard forcefully pushing my head towards the smoky crystal tube so I could sniff it. “Kuya!!! Don’t!!!” shouts of torments came out from a wounding moment of an innocent young bull. I’m struggling to escape from the middle of my brothers’ ruthless hands. Kuya Jason tied up my mouth with his handkerchief so they could tone down my screams. Then, they began pressing with pressure on different area of my left and right arms the burning ashes of cigarette’s butt. I became their plaything at that time. But, as the place was fainting in red reflection and the sounds became louder and louder, just shadows of one silent grief and silhouette of four deprave young men, could only be seen, out from our jealousy windows.

I can’t get up. My eyes were expanded and tightened. My cough was dry as a bone. My head was aching. My arms are swelling while the blood on every mark was still drying. My whole body was heavy. I can’t think of anything but let my eyes resign and hopefully realized tomorrow is another day.

As days, months and years go by nobody knows what happened on that night. I neatly concealed it. Of course, how could I disclose it to them? Everywhere I go, I feel the threat in their eyes, the cruelty of their fists that crashed my face, and the horror of burns that they marked on my arms. Now whom and where would I go to confide all the bad things happened to me? I can’t even trust momma. I only see her once in a year, just on my birthday. Fortunately, she visited me one night unexpectedly.

All of us were gathering together in the living room. Papa bought us gifts. Everybody was happy to have gifts, but me. Papa loves his new family. He bought Aunt Glenda a new pair of red shoes. My two brothers were pairs of new Nike rubber shoes. He also bought me a new one, but not a shoe, a new unbranded cap. Unluckily, while I’m fitting my new cap, kuya Bernard swiftly snatched it and sarcastically run around me, when he almost bumped momma who was standing at the front door, timidly staring us. As if a bomb was thrown in the living room, everyone fled. Only me and papa left. “Why you’re still standing there? Come on in, take a sit.” Papa said. “No thanks. I just want to talk with you and Rodney.” Momma hesitantly came forward to papa. I can’t hear what their saying but I saw them gaping at me once in a while. Momma seems to be pleading by the way she move her hands and shoulders. Papa was so relaxed standing beside her, explaining something while patting her back. “Just call me ma if you’re finish” I said as I walked the stairs going up to my room. “Wait son. I won’t be long. We’ll talk now.” Momma said with bitter smile. “I promise he’ll be alright there.” Papa said with the most caring smile I’ve ever imagined. “How dare he’s still had the nerve to say that?” I said to myself. I just shook off my head and fixed my eyes to momma. She took my hand and kindly offered me to sit again on the sofa. When she sat while smiling at me, as if the place became dreadful night in hell and the riotous sound and possessed space were suddenly came back to my mind, my eyes were horribly widened, I was really afraid. “Any problem?” momma asked. I was still preoccupied “Rodney?” she worriedly called my name. “Ha?” it’s just like I got back to life when I replied. “What is it again?” I asked without knowing that she already saw my teary eyes. “What happened?” she curiously asked and then quickly held my left hand “Tell me son, did they treat you awfully here?” then she tapped the upper part of my arms. “Aray!” I jolted. It was too late to hide it “ma, it’s just…” then she cried. She was so very pitiful on me. Momma looked on every mark of burns. Then, I stood and walked two steps away from her, staring through the jealousy windows “I still don’t understand why you gave me to papa.” my hands tightly closed with tense, imagining all the threats and cruelties of my brothers and aunt Glenda. “How I wished you were here” looking at nowhere, the tears began to flow. “I wished you were here” I whispered.

I didn’t see her again. I heard that she went with her new found family. She left me under my father’s custody. Even I refused and wanted to be with her instead, still she insisted that I should be with my father’s care. At the gate, she embraced me tightly, and then tenderly clasped her hands on my face. She seems so helpless “be good to your father. Someday, Rodney, if you already reached your dreams, proved to them that you are worthy of your father’s eyes. Never take the law into your hands. Be strong and take courage son” she tearfully said. “I love you” she added and then desperately stepped backward. I’m still looking at her as she was getting smaller in my eyesight. She never turned her back. Loosing all my energy, I gave up my weight and sat on the side walk, just right in front of the gate. I bended my head towards my knee and then closely crossed my both hands around it. I cried. Sometimes, crying is all I can lean on. It really lessens the burdens. But sometimes, I imagine, how if one day I see these people miserably crying out loud? Would it be more helpful to lessen all my burdens and bitterness? I’m trying to save the relationship between me and my brothers. But what if it’s too late?

As usual, life goes on. I was then in my fourth-year college. Having momma’s advices in my mind, I pursued my studies. My whole life was school and house. But of course, nothing changed. They still treated me like an idiot stranger. I remember one day, when Aunt Glenda caught me kicked kuya Bernard on his tummy while kuya Jason was still holding me back. “Stop it! Rodney! What are you doing?!” she madly approached me and violently slapped my face. “Don’t you dare to do that again! Am I clear? Bernard! Jason!” “Ma, don’t you see what he did to kuya?” “Let’s go Jason.” Kuya Bernard said, frantically looking at me as if he wanted to have a rematch. “Where are you going?” aunt Glenda irritably inquired. “Just here mother. We’ll just take some fresh air.” Then pin pointed me with shrewdness in his eyes. Aunt Glenda stared at me for a while, and then crossly left the sala.

After one year………

“Faster! Check all the necessary things. We don’t want to be late on our flight” papa demandingly said while walking down the stairs. Papa decided to bring us to Australia. And there starts a new life. Obviously, his family certainly loved that. But when I knew it, I intimately talked to papa and said that I’ve rather stay here. He just smiled at me and told me not to worry. He said that he promised to momma to take care of me and that I will continue my study in Australia. I can’t tell him that I have another reason. I can’t tell him that I am so much afraid of my brothers.

As our migration was getting closer, kuya Bernard sneakily watched my every move. He once pulled my hands and threatened me right in front of my face, then slammed my chest. I don’t know, but suddenly I angrily punched the cemented wall where I was tossed. He again pin pointed me with shrewdness in his eyes, then left.

“Rodney! What are you waiting for? Fix all your stuff now. Glenda!” Papa said and left while I’m still sitting on the sofa. My face was turned gray and my whole body was trembling at that moment. My whole body was perspiring. Suddenly papa got back, “Where is Bernard?” I was then covering the knife I was holding with a white shirt when he asked. “I don’t know” I quickly said and hastily walked out through the front door. Tensely opened the gate and ran as fast as I can.

For the last time I tried to save the relationship. But what if it’s too late? I’m sure they would easily perceive who really did the killing to kuya Bernard yesterday at early dawn.

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