Little Ellie was looking forward to her tea party. Her favourite dolly, Zsa-Zsa, and her lovely teddy bear, Mr Snotrag, were both sitting waiting to be fed. What a pity ol' Mr Rastus, her elderly golly, was unable to come. He had been strung up on a tree by Hank and Big Ed, her two Strict-Southern-Baptist KKK action men (Reformed Branch).

Little Ellie was so happy. She looked out of the pretty lace-curtained windows of the little shack which she shared with her one-legged mother, her violent alcoholic father and her four mentally retarded brothers and what a lovely rural idyll was presented for her inspection: the local police were having fun beating up a couple of no good vagrants and how the sun glinted off the tramps' teeth as they flew through the air before coming to rest in the open sewer which flowed sluggishly past the family shack.

Little Ellie asked Zsa-Zsa how she liked her tea and Zsa-Zsa told her to put some moonshine in it. So she added a stiff measure of her Daddy's very best rotgut to the Lapsang Souchong. "And three lumps o' sugar, shitface," growled Zsa-Zsa gratefully.

Next she asked Mr Snotrag whether he would like some tea as well, but the rude little teddy just gave her the finger by way of response. My, my, there was no pleasing some people, Little Ellie thought. So she kicked Mr S. in the face and the teddy bear flew over the room and guess where he landed? Right in the lap of her sleeping, drunken daddy who woke up and threatened Little Ellie with serious violence if she didn't watch it.

So Little Ellie sat in terrified silence, sipping her tea while her little world turned round and round and that old granddaddy clock went tick tock tick tock on the wall of the little smelly shack. And outside in the 95 degree heat, the screams of the vagrants died down as they fell into unconsciousness and the two cops drove off looking for some more riff-raff to interrogate strictly.

Zsa-Zsa finished her impromptu Long Island Tea and burped egregiously. So Little Ellie knew it was time for her saucy dolly to go and relieve herself. So she took the dolly off to the can to tip her out, but it was no good as the silly little thing went all over her before she could get her (ie the doll's) knickers off.

Little Ellie was so annoyed that she broke Zsa-Zsa's right arm in three places and hurled the poor little dolly into the corner. Little Ellie's birthday party was good and spoiled now, so she got dressed up in her favourite stockings and suspenders and her nice nurse's uniform and out she went to earn a bit of cash to keep her drunken Daddy in booze. Or else he would give a good thrashing yet again

It was just another dreary ol' day at Dingly Dell.