Here lies... Walt Whitman. Aaargh! Damn you Walt Whitman! I... hate... you... Walt... freakin... Whitman, leaves of grass my ass!
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We have had extraordinary requests. We rented Concorde for a private birthday party to go to the Bahamas -- it cost $1 million each way.
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I saw this in a movie about a bus that had to SPEED around a city, keeping its SPEED over fifty, and if its SPEED dropped, it would explode! I think it was called, 'The Bus That Couldn't Slow Down.' by
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If he's so smart, how come he's dead? by
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Beer. Now there's a temporary solution
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Let us celebrate our agreement with the adding of chocolate to milk
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While you are away, movie stars are taking your women. Robert Redford is dating your girlfriend, Tom Selleck is kissing your lady, Bart Simpson is making love to your wife.
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I would like to be a butterfly. Because nobody suspects the butterfly.
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Ooooh. So they have the internet on computers now!
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It's a straightforward matter of equality: it's outrageously unfair that heterosexuals shoulder alone the burden of keeping divorce lawyers in Italian sports cars
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I used to be with it, then they changed what it was. Now what was it isn't it, and what is it is weird and scary to me. It'll happen to you too.
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I used to rock and roll all night and party every day. Then it was every other day. Now I'm lucky if I can find half an hour a week in which to get funky.
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Don't worry, Homer. Nine out of ten religions fail in their first year.
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Old people don't need companionship. They need to be isolated and studied so it can be determined what nutrients they have that might be extracted for our personal use
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Shut up brain or I'll stab you with a qtip.
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If you don't like your job, you don't strike. You just go in every day and do it really half-assed. That's the American way.
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Police chief wiggum: Put out an A.P.B on Uosdwis R Dewoh, better start with greek town!
Detective: Thats Homer J Simpson chief! You're reading it upside down.
Police chief wiggum: Err.. cancel that A.P.B! But err bring back some of them errm giro's!
Detective: Eh, chief.. You're talking into your wallet!
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When I first heard that Marge was joining the police academy, I thought it would be fun and zany, like that movie Spaceballs. But instead it was dark and disturbing. Like that movie -- Police Academy
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In this house we obey the laws of thermodynamics!
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Lisa: Why are you dedicating your life to blasphemy? Homer: Don't worry, sweetheart. If I'm wrong, I'll recant on my deathbed.
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Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what separates us from the animals... except the weasel
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Boy, everyone is stupid except me.
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Carentan O Carentan Before we met with you We never yet had lost a man Or known what death could do.
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Kids, just because I don't care doesn't mean I'm not listening
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And what if we picked the wrong religion? Every week, we're just making God madder and madder!
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These people have served a longer sentence than some people who have committed murder. (describing the jury in the OJ Simpson murder trial)
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I'm like that guy who single-handedly built the rocket & flew to the moon! What was his name? Apollo Creed? by
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To alchohol, the cause of and solution to all life's problems
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From now on Honey, we'll be spelling everything with letters.
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Well kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.
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