Happiness often sneaks in through a door you didn't know you left open.
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A man must pay the fiddler, in my case it so happened that a whole symphony orchestra often had to be subsidized.
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If it isn't the sheriff, it's the finance company; I've got more attachments on me than a vacuum cleaner.
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Die I should say not, dear fellow. No Barrymore would allow such a conventional thing to happen to him.
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You never know how short a month is until you pay alimony.
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Die? I should say not, dear fellow. No Barrymore would allow such a conventional thing to happen to him.
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Sex: the thing that takes up the least amount of time and causes the most amount of trouble.
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The trouble with life is that there are so many beautiful women and so little time.
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In Genesis, it says that it is not good for a man to be alone but sometimes it is a great relief.
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America is the country where you buy a lifetime supply of aspirin for one dollar and use it up in two weeks.
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The way to fight a woman is with your hat. Grab it and run.
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Love is the delightful interval between meeting a beautiful girl and discovering that she looks like a haddock.
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Happiness sneaks through a door you didn't know that you left open.
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For an actress to be a success, she must have the face of a Venus, the brains of a Minerva, the grace of Terpsichore, the memory of a MaCaulay, the figure of Juno, and the hide of a rhinoceros.
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A man must properly pay the fiddler. In my case it so happened that a whole symphony orchestra had to be subsidized.
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She's like an apple turnover that got crushed in a grocery bag on a hot day.
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Happiness often sneaks in through a door you didn
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A man is not old until regrets take the place of dreams.
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The thing that has been weighing on my mind this week is that I wanted to go and save all the little live lobsters in restaurants and throw them back in the ocean. Imagine me being arrested for that.
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My wife is the kind of girl who will not go anywhere without her mother, and her mother will go anywhere.
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You never realize how short a month is until you pay alimony.
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There is as much difference between the stage and the film as between a piano and a violin. Normally you can't become a virtuoso in both.
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Method acting? There are quite a few methods. Mine involves a lot of talent, a glass and some cracked ice.
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The people are unreal. The flowers are unreal, they don't smell. The food is unreal, it doesn't taste of anything. The whole place is a glaring, gaudy, nightmarish set, built up in the desert.
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You must learn day by day, year by year, to broaden your horizon. The more things you love, the more you are interested in, the more you enjoy, the more you are indignant about, the more you have left when anything happens.
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John Barrymore: you should play Hamlet. Jimmy Durante: To hell with them small towns. I’ll stick to New York.
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You must learn day by day, year by year to broaden your horizon. The more things you love, the more you are interested in, the more you enjoy, the more you are indignant about, the more you have left when anything happens.
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The best time to make friends is before you need them.
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You grow up the day you have your first real laugh at yourself.
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I'm not insecure. I've been through way too much f**king sh*t to be insecure. I've got huge balls. But I've been humbled. That makes you grateful for every day you have.
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