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Peace of Mind


In the mere blink of a nightmare, I found myself rechained 
and trapped where my peace of mind had once before 
collapsed.

The die has been cast, an old challenge from the past, one 
I thought long ago smashed, has incited another battle and
painfully thrashed my peace of mind like collateral damage 
to aloofly leave behind.

It’s twenty-seven years later, and I’m altogether strength-wise 
lesser for this matter.  I’ve got mighty prayers but the sum-total 
of tassels for the best in life have battered and frayed my energy.  
It is retired and at rest, not lying in wait for another day or test.  
Now, I’ve no choice but to fake it, declare it is just hiding and 
there’s no abiding such when it's time for fighting.  

I know I screamed denial, felt a heavy weight disintegrate all 
to black. I remember holding him, sharing a crying jag while 
watching my peace of mind pack. 

My very heart, my special needs son, now full grown and still 
at home, woke me in the night in a state of fright, “Mama, I 
think I just had a seizure.”  The next day came four more and 
my peace of mind took its suitcase out the door.

Copyright © CayCay Jennings | Year Posted 2025

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Date: 7/28/2025 8:28:00 AM

The deep emotional upheaval and concern that come with being a parent of a child with special needs, especially during medical emergencies, are explored in your wonderful poem, CayCay. It considers the difficulty of preserving mental stability in the face of ongoing difficulties and the sense of powerlessness that results from seeing a loved one suffer.
Date: 7/28/2025 5:43:00 AM

Dear CayCay, Reading your poem this morning moved me deeply. The way you’ve laid bare the struggle for peace of mind and the way it can feel so fragile, so easily shattered and yet so fiercely clung to. It speaks volumes about your strength and the weight you carry. I’m so sorry for the pain and fear that moment brought you and your family. Summer Blessings, Dear CayCay, Daniel
Date: 7/28/2025 5:36:00 AM

Oh CayCay your powerful poem completely grabbed and tugged at my heart. I understand anxiety and its hold ….depleting all peace of mind and for me accompanied over the years with panic attacks. I am so sorry your son suffers and has suffered with those seizures CayCay….life is not easy especially when our child or loved ones are suffering….Big Cuddles my friend! Debx
Date: 7/27/2025 11:05:00 PM

WOW! I did not anticipate that explosive ending...then the closing lines... . "The next day came four more and my peace of mind took its suitcase out the door." I am without words...stunning.
Date: 7/27/2025 9:09:00 PM

Hardships in live and endurance.Challenges in life well described.
Date: 7/27/2025 8:39:00 PM

Excellent CayCay, I wish I couldn't say I can identify with this, but I can. For me it was 26 years of dealing with health problems with my late wife. There were times I just wanted to stand on a mountain top and scream while I pulled my hair out. Well done, this touched me in places few ever have. Ron

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