Porkpie Jones has brittle bones, and crusted corn-filled toes,
And sleety eyes and bulgy thighs, and brillo pad elbows,
His underarms are typical farms, and reek a barnyard smell,
Its quite the place for creepy, crawly, parasites to dwell,
The ample dirt in his ears and on his head has just began to harden,
There's so much dirt on him everywhere, he could grow a flower garden,
The birds fall quickly from the sky, whenever he starts to speak,
His teeth and gums are as black as coal, and all his bone joints squeak,
He trips when he walks, spits when he talks, and spills everywhere when he drinks,
Three triple Dagwood sandwiches to him are a light snack, his decorum and etiquette
The ground shakes when he takes a step, and cars fly when he sneezes,
And he feels free to dine and snack on anything he pleases!
The sight of water gives him chills, and soap will make him screech,
He can't fit in his bathtub, so he bathes at the beach,
Porkpie dives into his drinks, and scorns the use of cups,
And when he falls, some will laugh, but the ground starts cracking up...
He's never been able to touch his toes, he can't reach any farther than his hips,
When he bends over, its always a treat to experience a total eclipse,
His home is in disarray, it needs improvement,
Porkie Orlivander Jones scorns unnecessary movement,
He's absolutely clueless, on how to close the gate,
Or feed his starving fish, or wash his every dish,
Or vacuum his entire floor, where dust mites romp and roam,
Or change his heaping can of trash thats nearly large as Nome,
Loads of bills that he won't pay, coat his table tops,
He puts his Suitcase in his closet, right next to the lamb chops,
Porkpie never was that bright, in school he was a tease,
In fact I think his grades were so low, that he would get straight Z's!
Well we all can learn a lesson here, I'm sure that all is known,
That we must keep our appearances neat, and always brush and scrub our feet,
And be respectful when we eat, or we could all end up like Mr.
Porkpie Orlivander Alowicious Alexander GianCarlo Markowitcz Jones!!!!!
Copyright © Daryl Kelley | Year Posted 2005