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Amanda Pandagazm Poem
When I think of what I’m worth
I think of nothing more than dirt
I think of how small our world is
And how we mean nothing, nothing ever did
Emotions, real as they seem are only just
What our complex brains conjure up for us
To make us feel we have a purpose
As humans, we crave being more than worthless
So we turn to “success” and “future goals”
And pursue them, think we’re playing roles
In the bigger picture, and we get this idea
That what we do matters, even after we’re here
But all that’s just our own foolish belief
A reassuring overused source of relief
I think to myself, why not just live for ME?
Because when I rot in the ground I will NOT stop to think
About how I “achieved” going through schools
And living how THEY want me to, followed rules
I gave up what I wanted to be an “achiever”
I changed how I felt to be a “believer”
I gave up myself to fit in with the crowd
I quieted myself, I didn’t live loud
So, what may I ask is our point in all things?
Well most people say “What the future brings.”
So I go through my school and get a great job
And earn all this money, become a rich slob
I start my own business, and run it for life
Then I lay down one day, and BOOM, I die
And a hundred years later, a new generation
New people and thoughts controlling the nation
Will anyone ever think back to my life
And say what I did was all fun and all right?
No, hopefully not, because by then
They’ll be living for LIFE, not to fit in
They’ll be out there just living, not sitting in school
They realize life doesn’t matter, and neither do rules
So while we’re all here, and life’s in our lungs
We can live it to the fullest and even die young
Because in the end we just live ‘till we die
We have time in between, there’s no reason why
So we can do what we want with what time we have
Knowing in the end, nothing will last
Nothing will matter, no one will care
Think about it, we’re only here to be “there”
We are just in existence, nothing more, nothing else
Nothing ever matters, what we said, what we felt
Because all that we’re doing is living our lives
In simplest form, we’re here to survive
Think about the big picture, what do we mean?
Nothing, at all. Our thoughts and our dreams
At the end of the day, as I rot in my grave
My lifetime rots with me and nothing is saved.
Copyright © Amanda Pandagazm | Year Posted 2007
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Amanda Pandagazm Poem
It felt so right, you wrapped around me
And drinking in all of my lust
I couldn’t feel you slit my throat
As I handed you all of my trust
You made me feel right again
Gave me everything I craved
I’d never thought you’d be the one
Who’d lead me to an early grave
You saw right through, into my thoughts
And knew you could get anything
I fell for you, so hard, so long
You had become my everything
At first, you held me carefully
And gently kissed my mouth
I gave you everything you craved
You erased all of my doubt
I felt so warm, so happy, loved
And, yet, it was all fake
I gladly gave you my whole heart
Not knowing what’s at stake
You took it, and you smiled at me
Then dropped it to the floor
My eyes filled with tears as my heart landed
Right next to many more
You walk away as nothing happened
To find a new love somewhere
Replacing me, done easily
As I just stand and stare
I watch you walk away and know
Indeed, I did once love you
But I also wonder this,
Did you ever love me too?
Copyright © Amanda Pandagazm | Year Posted 2007
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Amanda Pandagazm Poem
Help me, now, for it is you
That I’m falling forever into
I cannot feel my soul inside
My thoughts and feelings that I hide
All that I know is that I fell
Through time and truth, heaven and hell
I’ve searched everywhere, fruitlessly
For some way to make you love me
And now, as I was searching you
I lost my poise and fell right through
And now I can’t regain my grip
So I’ll just let my remains slip
Forget I ever loved you, dear
For I’ve faded away this time, I fear
Copyright © Amanda Pandagazm | Year Posted 2007
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