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Best Poems Written by Jessica Amanda Salmonson

Below are the all-time best Jessica Amanda Salmonson poems as chosen by PoetrySoup members

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Witch's Titties

Oh, my name is Witch's Titties 
	I'm the leader of the band
Tho' only two in numbers 
	they sag down where life is grand
They swing like gaucho's bolos 
	to excite your fancy balls
Can toss 'em o'er my shoulders 
	to go dancing up the walls

Copyright © Jessica Amanda Salmonson | Year Posted 2018



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Dream Series: My Vegetable Garden

Last night I dreamed I was weeding my vegetable garden in the Drive-in theater, while people wandered back and forth from snack bar to their cars.

While pulling weeds, I saw a banana slug and was about to squish it when I realized it had legs. It was an eight foot monitor lizard! I chased it around the grounds and finally caught it and put it in the car. Then I went back to my garden to see if that huge tiger salamander was still there. It was!

I decided to go home with the monitor and the salamander when I realized, oh no, my little dog Daigoro was in the car! I got all frightened the monitor ate him, but he was perfectly all right. The rest of the dream was trying to drive home with Daigoro under one arm so the monitor wouldn't get him.

Copyright © Jessica Amanda Salmonson | Year Posted 2018

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How Prunes are Made

When taking a bath in the tub
The first thing you'll notice, if you stay in too long,
Is how your fingertips shrivel.
Then, as you rub and scrub,
You might see bits of skin coming off your legs and arms
And you begin to grow little.

Some children pay no attention
To the warning signs I mention;
They stay in the bathtub all afternoon,
Until they start to dissolve.
They get smaller and smaller and smaller
Until they're far too small to holler;
They get wrinklier and wrinklier and pretty soon
They've shrunk so much there's nothing left
Except a ball of wrinkled skin
Where once a healthy kid had been.

This wrinkled skin is dyed blue
And sold in the store as a prune.




"How Prunes are Made" was in Nomo the Zine, November 1991, and was reprinted in The Ratty's Gazette  8, 1995. It is a poem in the ongoing series "Lucifera's Questionable Daycare Poems and Stories."

Copyright © Jessica Amanda Salmonson | Year Posted 2018

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The Wet Garden

In the wet garden this morning, I saw a teeny tiny woman made of leaves and herbs, with the orange bloom of a woodland poppy for a hat. When she realized I'd seen her, she hopped behind the slim stem of a trillium. When I bent down to get a better look at what the devil that really was, there was nothing there.




-May 11, 2011

Copyright © Jessica Amanda Salmonson | Year Posted 2018

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The Clown's Song

Bring me a child to eat
I'm too weak to stand on my feet
All I need is meat
So bring me a child to eat.

Copyright © Jessica Amanda Salmonson | Year Posted 2018



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Will Do Chores

I can do this, I can do that
I can do anything, splicketty-splat.

I'm quite the expert, and certainly quick
Excellent service here, licketty-click. 

Your toaster won't roast'er?
	Your car needs repair?
I'll fix your teepee, 
	your sofa and chair
I'll cure your doggy 
	of fleas, lice, and pox
I'll wash your diapers, 
	your windows, your socks.

I'm inexpensive, and fast as a wink
Available any time, blinkity-blink.

Copyright © Jessica Amanda Salmonson | Year Posted 2018

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Chicken Singing Turkey in the Straw

Buck buck buh-buck-buck
Buck buck buh-buck
Buck buck, buck buck, buck buck buck
Bucka buck bucka bucka buck
A'buck buck buck.

Buh-KAW k'buck buck
Buh-KAW k'buck
Buh-KAW k'buck buck
Buh-KAW k'buck
Buck buck buck buck
Buck buck buck
Bucka buck bucka bucka buck
A'buck buck buck.

Copyright © Jessica Amanda Salmonson | Year Posted 2018

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The Animals' Tea Party

Toast and marmalade for tea
Sailing ships upon the sea."
-Tin Tin, 1971

Goats and marmosets for tea
Snails and thrips and angry bees
You're more beautiful than me
With your tea served in the trees.

As the sun plays through the leaves
Chipmunks leap from limb to limb
Striving to be biscuit thieves
Fill your teacup to the brim.

Start mine with a bit of cream
Sip my tay, lean back, day dream
As the marmosets convey
With the chipmunks they would play.

Copyright © Jessica Amanda Salmonson | Year Posted 2018

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Spenser

My name is Spenser
No dog is denser
I'm not well smarted
But I'm big hearted
If you was hurted
I'd be alerted
And I'll come racing
To lick your facing.

Copyright © Jessica Amanda Salmonson | Year Posted 2018

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Monkeys

You shouldn't poke at monkeys
	unless you're a dummkopf
Who gets precisely what's deserved --
	your fingers bitten off.

Copyright © Jessica Amanda Salmonson | Year Posted 2018

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