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Maryam Shahbaz Poem
she was internally bleeding inside
silent tears dripping from her eyes
falling blindly through cracked ice
stabbing her soul unintentionally,
over a thousand times.
she was crying herself to sleep
slicing across her wrist,
hoping for it to get deep.
lifting her hands to pray
closing her eyes, realizing
there was nothing left to say.
making her own selfish lies
screaming alone,
waiting for someone to hear
her empty cries.
She was internally dying
from her goreing pain
internally bleeding inside her veins.
giving up on her hope
she had once believed,
letting go of that rope
so she could feel relieved
she smiled for the last time
when she said good bye,
it was her last line.
stepping forth into an ocean
carrying suffocating waves
she walked deeper following
her own devotion.
her head sank in as the world went quiet
rolling back her eyes
performing her own riot
forcing herself not to rise
she held her self down
counting the mintues that passed
waiting for the second she'd drown
wondering how long she'd last.
inhaling, she swooned
gripping her throat swelled by wounds
she let herself rise
knowing she tried
floating to the surface
with her eyes closed
her thoughts running freely
feeling so exposed.
And when she gasped to breathe
her eyes opening slowly.
seeing people crowded
staring are her attempt
she knew there was no escape,
this was the end
she couldn't pretend.
And now as she looked into the mirror
I realized the girl staring back at me
had the same scars..
just like me.
Copyright © Maryam Shahbaz | Year Posted 2008
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Maryam Shahbaz Poem
I thought we both felt the same,
but i guess i was wrong
i thought you cared
but i guess i was wrong
i thought i could trust you
i thought you'd be there
i thought of a lot of things
but most of all
i thought you were my friend
but i guess i was wrong.
Copyright © Maryam Shahbaz | Year Posted 2007
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Maryam Shahbaz Poem
Wake me up after I die
drowning myself from these
streaming eyes
killing my pain so softly within me
sitting here crying,
watching the blood drip down me.
Swollen wrists, why can't I stop?
this pain starves me with every drop
buried under my own skin
its hurting me inside
again and again.
tearing myself under this strain
continuously crying, pouring out rain
lying under this putrid soul
bleeding so noxiously out of control
becoming so intense, this pain I can't bare
I'm holding on myself, choking out air
breathing so faintly, thinking in despair
this is only a dream, it can't be real.
I'm screaming inside, I can't hide what I feel
lying by myself, waiting for these wounds to heal
gripeing at the blood flowing down my hand
holding it between my fingers
watching it sink between like sand.
Letting myself drown by these tears over flown
helplessly breaking every nerve, every bone
I've fallen into a disaster of my own
leaving myself to die, selfishly all alone.
Copyright © Maryam Shahbaz | Year Posted 2008
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Maryam Shahbaz Poem
She was dancing alone in the moonlight
with a pair of arms wrapped around her tight
she was dancing alone, with nothing in sight
as the pair of arms twirled her tauntingly into the night
her heart pounded while she held the arms in her own
breathing heavily as she danced away, far from home
she was dancing alone in the moon light
with a pair of arms around her neck, holding her tight
she moved slowlier than before
gripping the arms around her neck so sore
slowly swaying reluctantly, she could move no more
she was standing alone in scarce twilight
with the arms still wrapped around her tight.
she was standing beneath a cloudless sky
being drenched in torrent rain
her pulse beating fast in her veins
as she laid her head down in excuciating pain
she was lying alone in the sun light
with a pair of arms holding her tight
her neck was swollen and bruised
she was lying alone, with nothing in sight
just the rope she had used.
Copyright © Maryam Shahbaz | Year Posted 2009
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Maryam Shahbaz Poem
Its like falling off a cliff
its like diving in a pool
you don't know where you are
you don't know where to go
You spin round and round
until you're about to fall down
you hold you breath and close you'r eyes
you count to ten
and then
you fall
you fall while the world is
spinning so fast you cannot see
you open your eyes
but the world is gone
you look around but no one's there
so you hold your
breath, close your eyes, and count to ten
and then..
you open them and darkness is all around
you hear a sound
a sound so soft,
it takes you a while to
realize its your alarm going off.
Copyright © Maryam Shahbaz | Year Posted 2007
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Maryam Shahbaz Poem
These memories flooding my head
catching me off guard
running after my each tread
leaving me scarred
as I walk across this thread
that's leading me away from the past
which is longing to get ahead.
I'm struggling within
these thoughts whirling in my mind
trying to get past, yet I'm falling behind.
I'm falling off this thread
that keeps me going
sinking in this moment
from these thoughts over flowing
I'm not able to let go of this past
not able to chase time, moving so fast.
I'm living in my yesterday
as the world goes on
leaving me behind
with only this memory to lean upon.
Copyright © Maryam Shahbaz | Year Posted 2010
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Maryam Shahbaz Poem
Beautiful walls
A never ending fall
Colored in mist
Drowning in kisses
It’s a beautiful lie
A never ending life
Drawn in crayons of
Broken love.
Copyright © Maryam Shahbaz | Year Posted 2011
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Maryam Shahbaz Poem
Dizzy, senseless
Drugged, she’s a princess.
Altering the world
In a white bruised dress.
Darling, smile for the camera
You’re their super nova.
A beautiful hazard
painted like plastic
made in china.
Dazzled tiara,
on pale burnt skin
flawless and destroyed
she’s the perfect little sin
wrapped in pretty little lies
devouring her within
used, damaged
torn, she’s a doll
ruling the world
on a white bruised wall
Darling, smile for them all
You’re their little star
Burning, and burning untill you fall.
Copyright © Maryam Shahbaz | Year Posted 2011
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Maryam Shahbaz Poem
Darling look,
see how i've healed?
those scars, those wounds
pressed together, concealed.
you can't even tell now,
i've only caked 300 pounds now
And all you see is a scratch.
Be proud my dear,
Cause this is what you made me
I’m actually far worse than I’m appearing
And love, you’re the one I’m blaming.
Under this fair and lovely illusion,
My skin’s torn, shredded and broken.
I’m sorry but I don’t need the words
You left unspoken
I’ve carried myself far way outta the ocean
To drown back into your poison.
All I wanna do is thank you,
for covering me in your tattoo.
Darling, but see?
See how I’ve healed?
My heart. my eyes. my lips.
Pressed and now forever sealed.
Copyright © Maryam Shahbaz | Year Posted 2011
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Maryam Shahbaz Poem
You're in my dreams
you're in my heart
whenever i see you
i feel like i'm falling apart
when you talk to me,
i want you to say it all over again
from the start
I never want you to leave my side,
you're the missing puzzle piece
that was left behind
my mind is searching but
its too hard to find
a way to ask but
afraid you'll decline
I think of you all the time,
whenever i talk to you
i forget my next line
whenever i see you with another girl,
I'll always turn away
because in my heart,
i know you'll never be mine
I always think of you at night
when i wake up i want to
fall back asleep
because
in my dreams you're always with me,
but when i'm awake
its time to face reality
thinking of a day that will come,
from all that thinking
my head goes numb
your in my life but not for long,
because time passes fast,
and i know this won't last
thinking of that makes me sick
i never want you to go
Even you here, inches from me,
reaching you feels miles away
so please don't leave, because us two?
that will never be true,
but that is the way i feel
whenever i'm with you.
Copyright © Maryam Shahbaz | Year Posted 2007
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