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Diet Water Poem
I tried playing basketball
but i suck
everytime i try to shoot the ball someone ducks
i guess my aim is off i might need glasses
because everytime i shoot the ball something always crashes
i don't know why i'm bad at this game
it's kinda like a race
until i go to shoot then i hit the ref in the face
they kicked me off the team then i got real sad
but it's ok that ref had a reason to get mad
i was walking down the hall and then i found a dime
and then thought maybe i'll try soccer next time.
Copyright © Diet Water | Year Posted 2015
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Diet Water Poem
I'm a farmer
and i like clocks and hoes
get your mind out of the gutter
i'm not talking about those
i use my hoes to get what a need
whether it's a new car or a fancy tv
i was short on money
so i put my hoes out for rent
but then i had to stop when a
couple came back bent
stop bending my hoes i said
then he threw a rock
so i went out there and i beat him with a clock
then he asked me what time is it
then i said it's time to leave
and when he got up he got stung by a bee
and then he flipped out and ran into a tree
then i grabbed one of my hoes and said
i'm glad it ain't me.
Copyright © Diet Water | Year Posted 2016
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Diet Water Poem
I need the handyman to come give me a doorjob
my door don't lock so i might get robbed
it's annoying and always squeaking
everytime it rains or storms it gets weakened
i don't wanna have to go to the store
i'll be the only guy carrying a door
so this guy needs to come fix my door to my house
i'll kick him out if he shows up in a blouse
so the guy came to fix my door
he fell through the floor
i don't know what to do
i think i'll move
Copyright © Diet Water | Year Posted 2016
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Diet Water Poem
my thong is on fire
i'm up for hire
but no one will
so i started selling pills
i needed the cash
but then somebody found my stash
it wasn't even drugs just mashed up smarties
so no one's gonna be getting high at their parties
this life is just way to sad
that's why i decided to move in with my dad.
Copyright © Diet Water | Year Posted 2015
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Diet Water Poem
i have little tater tot
til it talks crap and gets shot
i eat it then get really sad
and then comes back and beats te crap out of me because it's mad
so i went and got drunk at a bar
and when i left i got hit by a car
and then i got up to run
it was clear he wasn't done
he came and beat me with a bat
and then got up and got mauled by a cat
and as i was laying there half alive
i seen my tater tot and started to cry
and them i ate it then it died
a and then i went home to my wife
im glad that tater tot is out of my life
Copyright © Diet Water | Year Posted 2015
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Diet Water Poem
Deer logic doesn't make any sense
they hear one noise and they run
until a truck hits them then there done
it's really dumb
there worse than raccoons
you think i wanna see your dead body
on the side of the road
i would rather constantly stare at a toad
so just stop running into the street
or a big truck will give you a treat.
Copyright © Diet Water | Year Posted 2015
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Diet Water Poem
I'm glad that tator tot is out of my life
but then i seen a french fry
and then i said it can't be true
i started to wonder what can i do
so i went out for the night
the french fry was chasing me on a bike
and when i seen it i said this doesn't make sense
then he rammed me into a fence
and then he came and punched me in the eye
and when i thought i just might die
i realized what i must do
i ate the french fry and then i puked
so i went home to my wife i'm glad that french fry is out of my life.
Copyright © Diet Water | Year Posted 2015
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Diet Water Poem
There's this weird guy that nobody knows
he just sit's there all day and punches the road
i asked him
why do you punch the the road
and he just looked at me
then punched me in the nose
and then he went back to punching the road
he punches the road day and night
almost like he's in an actual fight
so people just leave him alone
because he's just a man who punches the road.
Copyright © Diet Water | Year Posted 2016
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Diet Water Poem
people get mad at me when i say good times
and then i start getting pelted by dimes
and then i get arrested for crimes
and i still said good times
i think i can rap
but i'm really crap
people tell me i suck
and that is just luck
but then i stutter
and eat some butter
and sometimes i start
to fart
a dart
while riding in a cart
and then i like to get naked with jack
people say thats wack
but it's not like we do things
but he did buy me a ring
so i punched him in the face
he ran to first base
and said were over
so i smacked him with a clover
and sent him to dover
i went to my mom
her name is dom
she is really calm
she likes lip balm
she gets cuts
on her buts
and i think she likes it
i tell her its weird when she starts to bite it
all my friends call me craptrap
especialy when i start to crap
this is the end
as i start to bend
and even though i like to right after this i might start a fight.
Copyright © Diet Water | Year Posted 2015
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Diet Water Poem
Mario is just a game
that has caused me a lot of pain
get so close and then you die
wish that italian could fricken fly
bowser is fricken rude
no one can even stand that dude
he eats so much he has a 7 foot back
i wish he would have a heart attack
so mario ain't no freakin fun
so once i beat it i'm done.
Copyright © Diet Water | Year Posted 2016
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