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Stephanie Gutierrez Poem
A perfect world
From A-Z…
Actually addicted attitude apologetic they assume while I'm angst in my room
Bold not blameless but blame shooting out like bullets
Critics just quit it, calculated moves, claim to have your back until you move, characteristics question your character, clear as a mirror but you forget what you looked like when it’s removed
Delicately determine your path, masters diligently try until they pass, watching for the dilettante that move like snakes in the room, digest ridicule and criticism wisely, discussions to the point yet smooth
Eventually working on the spiritual being, endless is eternity, and the heart of life begins with the trinity, effort, education, motivational state enormous, for what’s at stake. Equality still taking shape pray to God every day for Travon’s sake. Jesus the epitome of love unconditional and endless
Fiasco of this world today, fatal attractions, police and firearms, the fatalities of unarmed black life’s, furthermore the division between the rich and poor, fingers pointed in all directions but no one wants to take accountability for self, just watch TV’s realities what a fallacy
Good deeds go unnoticed to the world, Godliness is getting harder to observe, gratitude and graciousness is unfamiliar words, gentleness is shown as weakness, greatness is fixated on dollars signs but those dollar bills can’t save your soul
Haven’t you heard of having a heart, symbolic holding huge weight that’s not heresy, you can say what you want but all that matters is what you display. Hero’s, honorees, happiness, you have to read your history
Idealistic fixations on the wrong things, ideally they envy what they can’t engage, intentionally intimidating the weaker for self-gain, insecurities are mounted up inside just the same.
Jackasses get jacked eventually, just do it like MJ explained, justice gets harder to obtain the darker you are the courts don’t explain, big bodies juiced up not Jamba…broke people need to stop asking for money and ask for a job, if I give you money how great am I if you’re going to need it again tomorrow? Jealousy is ugly, Jamaica’s lovely, jewelry is glorious but a soul that lives forever is better than a soul turned to dust
Kill them softly like the Fuguees, my kindness they can’t rob me of, I spit words like knockouts from a boxer’s glove, I read books daily from my kindle, kneel and pray by myself, untying challenges like knots, I will not stop, nope I will fly like a kite over dark clouds
Laugher is the best medicine, forgiveness needs to be asked for to erase sin, let me never lower my standards, looking out for panthers, lacerations from broken dark times, healed, ladybugs make me smile, I'm laced with the bible, I steady learn from the best, one love
Math was never my favorite subject but I get an A for common sense, musically inclined nothing more calming, like relationships that are mutual, my mentality is to treat others how I want to be treated, mistreated is life, how I react is my responsibility, I never believed in magic, only God performs miracles, in my eyes, my motivation moves me
Negative people don’t come near me, not the one. Neat can still be a mess underneath, nothing last forever, notorious BIG rest in peace
Opposition only wins when you give up, oppression gets knocked down when we stand up, and opportunities need to be available to everyone
Popularity is worldly, we all poses gifts and talents, you are no one if you’re not yourself, passion is priceless, police brutality we need more than discussions
Quality and peace are beautiful, quantity comes and go’s just the same, to be the best you have to qualify, experience and the quest that made you who you are
Relationship are hard at times, rainbows come after the storm, and I reminisced on the past had to shake it off. Robbers get free loot but it’s never worth the bars that eventually cage them in. keeping loved ones in remembrance
Solitude try not to break the rules, special thanks to all that believed in me, I'm thankful I believed in myself too. Surely trials and tribulations will come, sin is testing, stop the madness and the sadness will dissolve, shake off the haters don’t give into stubbornness it will drown you and keep you stumbling
Test are necessary, triumph is the goal, transition your mind and a new perspective on life will take form, treasures are best stored in your heart truly the best treasure isn’t here in this world, triggers be aware of, most people are their own worst enemy
Ultimately peace and love is what we seek, understanding and humility takes experience to obtain, I don’t just udder words I'm spitting game, usually it’s the usher that seats you but where will you sit when your eyes close and your soul leaves, and that soul bleeds?
Virtually we all should mature, to be drinking milk like babies when were grown is not a victory, violence never solves a thing, vitamins are good for the body, venomous snakes crawl waiting to destroy, demons look for vacancy, I kill them vocally, I visibly spot them before they have the chance to reach
Won’t stop willingly, wrong is wrong there is no in-between, witches are not just in books, wicked people with vicious plots roam around the world watching, waiting
X-ray vision I spot crooks like graphs, line them up on x-axis, never needed Xanax but I x out negative
minded characters,
year yearning for you and those with truth
Zig-zagging people are phony, I rather watch zombies, go to the zoo and feed zebra’s free therapy
A perfect world from A-Z…
© Gutierrez, Stephanie 2016
Copyright © Stephanie Gutierrez | Year Posted 2016
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Stephanie Gutierrez Poem
Pain in my heart, love on my mind.
Direction and guidance - it’s hard to find.
If I was a bird I would be high in the sky,
Flying…
Looking down and at times diving.
So I suppose I am in some strange way trying to stay above water.
Trials and tribulations that often come my way.
Hard to explain, without complaining, naming, or getting lost in the situation itself.
I’ve read all the self-help literature, but still can’t explain a bit to ya…
We go through our own battles.
We all deal with in a particular way, at the end of the day it’s all the same.
We all need love, so let’s stir it up.
So let’s stir up the pot…
Pain in my heart, love on my mind, pain in my heart.
But love is on my mind.
© Stephanie Gutierrez 2015
Copyright © Stephanie Gutierrez | Year Posted 2015
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Stephanie Gutierrez Poem
Innocent Love
The 10th grade-I was hurt, had a lot of pain I wore, thought that everyone could see it on my shirt, I felt incomplete, tried to be neat and do all the things I could to just be me, however, the pain didn’t cease, I couldn’t escape, had that basketball in my hand and that was clear that I had found the love of my life, ballen, shooting hoops, being me, the lost sheep with not too many that new inside how I was feeling deep inside.
First love came after a heart break, or so I thought, trying to fit in in high school I settled with the fools doing what they do, not cool evidently. And my heart was crushed when I rushed to trust someone to hold my hand and call me there girl, didn’t happen quite that way, so I opted out to pray and one day my prayer was answered. And there he was… handsome, tender and happy, he was hard and caring at the same time, I was on Marvin’s “my oh my” welcome to a true high. We caught each other’s eyes, and in an instant all the pain that resided drowned away and I still remained, with a clean plate and he melted my heart. We started talking, walking, meeting each other on breaks, and at the end of the day we lived close enough to one another that the chase kept up pace. Once we got off the bus we would meet up again day after day. Walk to the movies, like kids I finally felt free to play -no escaping I was having fun living finally, innocent love.
We would take pictures once a month, go to breakfast, dinners and lunch, and when we kissed it was like we were the only ones. A hug like a safety neat, a laugh that you wouldn’t forget; and that was just us.
But people started talking, teachers became concerned, parents expressed the things that we were trying to explore, and it went from free, to complicate almost instantly. Stress and test, trust it was rougher than a good game of chess. We are now at graduation and knotting our heads, I'm getting kicked out the door of my parents, while he is trying to be proper to his. So love became a task, and the chase became more complicated than math, where it got so bad we had to ask “do you still want me? Love me?” heartbreak…broken glass.
Chasing love is no easy task, seeing your love incarcerated and numb not a righteous path, taking greyhound buses to visit, driving alone in the lonely journey to be nearer… didn’t make life any clearer. But loyalty helps to fill up an empty glass. In the mist of the twist, and the roller coaster we have two lovely children that remind us daily why we survived our trials and tribulations, there smiles and laughs are pure and innocent. Seventeen years later we are closer than we ever cloud have planned for or imagined, and when we look in each other eyes it’s no surprise the love that sprouted once upon a time is still shinning, through good times and bad, the rain and sunshine are hands are locked and intertwined, and the love is unconditional; innocent love still growing within us.
Copyright © Stephanie Gutierrez | Year Posted 2015
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Stephanie Gutierrez Poem
Moment to think.
Moment to clear my head.
Moment to reflect, look in the mirror, and take accountability.
Moment to love my reflection back.
Because its life or death for me.
A moment to sit and not think about anything.
A moment to be without trying to be anything… just a moment.
Yep, yep it means everything.
A gun to my head, once pulled the trigger.
Split second pulled away.
From my head in that moment that meant everything.
Back against the wall trying to figure it out.
Don’t have answers but a moment of clarity.
A moment with my back pressed up against the wall.
A simple walk outside, yes, that meant everything in that moment of all that pressing pain.
A moment to step out, to spill it out.
Brave.
The moment I did, God handed me a key.
A moment of weakness manifested to strength of a better being.
The past is that past, but right… Now is everything.
In this moment.
Suffering is just a hurdle but sometimes looks too hard to jump over it.
People, places, and things won’t let you get over it.
So I take walks on the beach.
And the horizon shows that I’m not limited at all.
In this moment.
Because now means everything.
In this moment of being.
©StephanieGutierrez2015
Copyright © Stephanie Gutierrez | Year Posted 2015
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Stephanie Gutierrez Poem
I Have a Dream
I have a dream.
Let my kids not be victims of ignorance.
Because they are black, Cherokee Indian, Panamanian and Chinese.
Let them look in the mirror and see the beauty that they are queens.
Capable to have anything and everything.
That they are here but their riches stretch way beyond the earthly scene…
The sky is higher than it seems.
I have a dream.
I have a dream….
That I can go into the store without someone asking me seventeen times if I'm looking for something.
I'm mentally capable to be asked only once, on some genuine courtesy.
Treat all customers the same…implement equal opportunities.
I have a dream.
I have a dream.
That when I apply for something I won’t be denied because I checked the ethnicity box and circled black. I have a dream I won’t be pushed back to the back like Rosa in 1955…
I have a dream.
I have a dream.
I have a dream…
We are just human being make that an option too, please.
Since black seems to be crucial to the chances of you not calling me back!
I have a dream.
I have a dream.
Incarceration rates are higher than when we marched in Washington to hear King’s speech.
So what’s the new name for injustices today?
Since there is no change?
And we are still targeted slaves.
I have a dream.
And King still would too… if he were still here today.
Gunned up, locked up, smacked up as 2Pac explained.
Chains are still chains.
Thus, slavery still remains.
I have a dream.
I have a dream.
I have a dream.
Free, Free, Free.
Freedom.
When will it truly ring?
When will it truly ring?
I have a dream!
©StephanieGutierrez2015
Copyright © Stephanie Gutierrez | Year Posted 2015
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Stephanie Gutierrez Poem
Sad eyes that pour out tears wishing those tears can reap some harvest for the poor and unfortunate, the babies and youth the mothers that don’t know what else to do. Sad eyes, my soul cries, my spirit is in contemplation on the next goal, plan, to prevent this foreign epidemic, abroad and in our own homes. Pray…
Can’t live without nourishment, substance, or H2O, who really suffers on these roads when there only goal is to gain a piece of bread to bring home to share with their whole family? 10 deep? How the world sleeps with this empty hole of so many suffering I don’t know…
Sad eyes
My eyes grow weary, my soul is grey in color trying to make sense of it all, my senses are not on point because the results are so lost, and the more I stay tuned to the reality shows the more deeply my soul grows troubled… the reality is there isn’t enough who can give doing so, so with all I got my plot is to raise the bar way above even my head goes, and that grey will grow but eventually that wisdom will grip hold and unfold the untold.
Sad eyes
Look at the children, you can’t look into their eyes first because the bones protruding from their bodies grab you quicker, the image is real no photo shop no magic show. Just sad eyes…
Grab a hold of the tangible, the truth, the real reality is not a show…
sad eyes, that pour out tears wishing those tears can reap some harvest for the poor and unfortunate, especially the poor, the babies and youth the mothers that don’t know what else to do. Sad eyes, my soul cries, my spirit is in contemplation on the next goal, plan, to prevent this tragedy…foreign, abroad and in our own homes. Pray…with your blessings bless another being.
© 2015
Copyright © Stephanie Gutierrez | Year Posted 2015
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Stephanie Gutierrez Poem
Deep seated and connected
Deep seated and connected, my collection plate feels naked, been adjacent to ills and thrills of my spills, causing heartache. My thoughts go round and round like the earth rotates, I have expectations that haven’t come to pass, I had let go of meditating on the pass mishaps and just move forward best that I could, still trying. All awhile have to also let go of the few times I saw my life flash by, and never again contemplate suicide because I have no right to take my own life from the one who created this experience for me – because it’s a blessing either way it goes.
Either way it goes…
Sometimes I go backwards looking out window blinds waiting for my dad to show up, to save me, who knew that he needed to be saved too? Who knew that the things you go through builds character and creates, molding into shape to make your backbone stronger, I longer and hungered for things that were not for me to change, but my reactions to the chaos was more relevant for my future than I initially understood, but it’s all good. Deep seated and connected, my collection plate feels naked, been adjacent to ills and thrills of my spills, causing heartache.
Remembering being in the car with nowhere to go, no destination, riding around hoping to look to others like I was on my way to somewhere great, the lies we create to hide the things we despise. In the parking of a grocery store, watching the rain compile against my window pain, while trying to situate myself in a comfortable state to sleep the night, lock the car doors hope the boxes squeezed in this tiny space can detour anyone who walks by…I was thankful for the rain…it was right on time didn’t have to reach my tear duct eyes. My soul was in disarray.
Trials and tribulations are inevitable, the test that we face at times can seem unbearable, but in due time the light will too shine, and all the darkness will become the catalyst that make your resilience for life circumstances and situations easier to endure, I explore the peace that comes without cost, without boast, just the inner voice that says stay with me, walk with me, and don’t give up. I got you, I got you…
Stay Deep seated and connected.
©StephanieGutierrez2015
Copyright © Stephanie Gutierrez | Year Posted 2015
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Stephanie Gutierrez Poem
Prayer Time
Childhood memories with bleeding prayers, with scalps on my knees from praying so constantly.
Believing in the truth as best as I could as a frightened little girl. I would tip toe my way to the window- look out the blinds praying that truck with that monstrous sound wouldn’t again come bring that monster around; but every night it did. My step dad was a scary fellow. I thought at the time my thoughts may be narrow, but my heart beat as fast as he approached. I knew my fear was real and evidently not easily going to go away.
Biological dad never showed his face as he abandoned us three, meaning me and my two younger brothers. Step dads rage was like a Freddy cougar page, except the nightmare was real. Childhood memories not easy to digest let alone relive, but I got through it needless to say…in some ways.
Mom would creep into our room to kiss us goodnight, ease the fright and she did to some extent, but she never kept her promise to escape and get us all out. I remember him beating my brothers with a belt and the welts would be mounted on their backs, as I set in my room trying to understand slavery from history books, couldn’t understand why we still endured that kind of pain? He beat my back too, the humiliation was more mortifying not denying as my eyes spilled out more anger rage-than tears. It was way worse when I saw it happening to my mother or brothers, I wanted no other than for God to rescue us all from a step-dads torture. But my real dad was just as bad because he never paid child support, or came to see us, he didn’t care he was out there like a fish in the sea pumping out more seeds, that he would eventually abandon too, and so he did.
Being called worthless, stupid, on top of being mentally and physically abused-and afraid to be home or in step-dads presence, built a shell outside of me that I didn’t have the will to let go of until I left and never looked back. But I realized that I had to also forgive, because even without the shell- I still carried a lot on my back that I didn’t deserve. So looking back into my childhood memories isn’t so glamorous, but looking into the mirror today is…because I survived, I forgave and God did answer my prayers as a child. Just look at me today. I will always be a child of God, so still in my thirties I stay on my knees and pray…
flashback childhood prayer-time memories.
©StephanieGutierrez2015
Copyright © Stephanie Gutierrez | Year Posted 2015
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Stephanie Gutierrez Poem
Red rose
A blacktop cracked, one planted a seed and something sprouted. This seed-like a muscle it kept getting stronger, and the rain poured down on it, and in the morning the suns light showed its growth. The pedals had a few holes, a few bruises; but the buds too come would replace the fragile vulnerabilities of those hurt red pedals. The green stems showed the life that one once thought to be impossible, now here- a red rose grows within the droves of gravel.
Red Rose
She got stepped on quite a few times, got passed by and rejected plenty of times too, but the roots kept the strength rooted deeply in her to press on … So no matter what-she smiled to the world with the beauty planted deep inside of her. Warmth and affection no matter what the temperature was she exposed daily- her character.
Red Rose
A Queen awaiting to be loved, the beloved red rose.
She encompasses deep love and affection, truly loyal in despite of the hiccups, throw-ups, and cruel expectation of world –at times. Her seed was planted and now it’s sprung up to a million plus, red roses like the sea, endless…and she was birthed from the concrete, but now her seeds are planted everywhere you can go on the globe, the beloved red rose.
Who rose when no one cared, noticed, or gave her a chance, she kept on humbly with the passion and love to grow despite adversity.
Red Rose
When you smell her its true heaven, when you hold her in your hand- you don’t want to let go of the array of peace; that for a moment brings your soul at ease. You’re hoping that the vases she lives in will keep her living on for more than a few days. The pedals when they fall, the flow of its death as it falls gracefully. Red rose wish you could live forever, but just a moment of your precious life brings a smile on my face, and thankfulness well worth to embrace forever. Beloved red rose. You are loved more than you know.
© copyright2015
Copyright © Stephanie Gutierrez | Year Posted 2015
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Stephanie Gutierrez Poem
All my life, with all my soul.
Like music from the piano, my hands will bleed out battles
from the words spilled out from a poet’s hands.
Been quite a while since my soul bled on a page.
Been too long since my lyrics hit a stage.
Been quite a while since I’ve felt lifted,
but the words that travel through my veins
reiterate a soul still gifted.
When it rains it pours; evidence of my resilience.
Trials and tribulations and the flesh battling off addictions.
My afflictions- like a Picasso painting.
Been quite a while for that genuine smile to resurface.
But God’s love still hasn’t been restricted.
Fallen friends, like domino's have, yet still I stay strengthened.
Attitude like a multitude of determination.
Flood gates try to drown me out, but I'm still alive.
Fighting my way back like a lion; like an eagle in the sky.
Not giving up, refuse to fall down infinitely.
Frustration attempts to distract me but my armors on-
I'm fully strapped for these attacks.
It’s all about how I react, life isn’t easy.
But it’s worth the effort to figure out.
It’s been quite a while.
It’s been quite a while…
As my heart beats, my words bleed out like a runner running.
I won’t stop although I see you coming.
Because nothing from nothing leaves nothing.
I'm about something; and I admit.
Truth is…it’s been quite a while.
All my life, with all my soul.
Like music from the piano, my hands will bleed out battles… From the words.
From the words spilled out from a poet’s hands.
©StephanieGutierrez2015
Copyright © Stephanie Gutierrez | Year Posted 2015
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