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Jamie Walker Poem
Sitting dying alone,
In this dark and dingy place
It has now become my home..
The only open bar
In town, I needed something to heal my broken heart
I'm on my 8th round, Going on Nine now!
Swaying on this broken bar stool
As the bartender shouts
his “last call”, As I'm looking down
and this shuffled ground
As I try a re step my footsteps home
Walking them back In my head
But I'm a stumbling mess
My heart feels like shattering glass
I'm slowly breaking,
Sink-in, Drown-in in the dark-nest
I'm Gasp-in, For breath, Each one Hard-er
than the next!
While the whole world around me are breathing
Fine, I'm falling back into the abyss,
Broken heart-ed
This vodka has cut my skin so deep
This broken glass with it's hard edges
Digging, Silting into me
Tho some of my pain was self inflicting
My heart's beat, is barely beating
That's why I'm drinking
This gin
Now swallowed, why cant I
swallow my pride With
Dignity, I'm openly seeking darkness
I'm sorry farther “For I have sinned”
Those sin's I've harbored
Now my hollowed soul's giving In
To that darkness....
My body trembling ,The outcome's looking bleak
I've become so weak
Shaking knees, I can barely stand up
My eye's become teary
They say its this alcohol that's depressing me
But it's soon becoming my dependency
I'm finding hard to leave it be, I'm hooked....
...To a drip, Anything so I can get my fix
It’s another chapter I've my book
That''s needs to be ripped, Apart
Because I'm hiding be-hide a mask
My face is smiling but inside my heart is scared..
I'm writing this at night
I'm tired... but my mind's racing fast
while my eyes are wide shut
I'm Trying to sleep..but my mind's
Not giving up..whilst
I'm lying on my friends sofa
I'm unable to get up
Morning rises but I'm slowly dying..
I'm hung over
Pondering on my life and wondering
what it would be like being sober
How can I achieve anything in life
When my only motivation is getting high
And the other half of the time
I'm crying inside
Too depressed to write
But I wipe my tears
But I'm still here, On my bar stool from 9 to 5!
The same broken record playing
Saying “I'm going to quit” But I'm not facing
My problems to begin with, I need a Fixative
I'm not telling myself I got a problem to be able to fix it!
Sitting here, Ripping the label off this toxic beer, bottle
I can't look at look at this mirror and face him!
Face it you hit rock bottom...
I cant believe what I have become
I wake up drunk
Where will I end up?
As I look along, A sedimentary I come a pone, A grave with my name above...
As the bar door's are now closing
My heart's ripped open Soaking
In pure emotion
Bartender “Give me two more shots”
And ill mend my way's
Not before a quick pit stop
To get more drink from this shop
Because I'm getting sick of these sad song's that play
From the broken jukebox!
Or this it me?
And my pain that's eternal bleeding
Thinking that every sad song is talking to me?
I'm leaving..
Because I'm lonely
I wonder if anyone get's me?
The feeling of looking back hopelessly
At the bottom of the vodka bottle
Describing my feelings of feeling empty!
I've been here before so it can't be rock bottom
The only thing I adore
Is my trusty red Pen that's my Savior
It's a metaphor...it's my blood, That's in its ink
When it hit's the paper
It's that pain, I'm writing with!
Because that inspiration's bleeds through my veins
Just for me to scribble to words on this page
Just so I can throw them away!
Because I think anything I ever do
Is not good enough for you..
Maybe I should do, More before I get taken away
Maybe if that ambulance had been late
I wouldn't been standing here today
But I still cant make that change
Because My vision, Impaired by the flashing lights
Of that ambulance
So If I die, today
At least they couldn't say
He was just an addict
Who abused his talent...
But I'm still here I tried To drown My
Sorrow
But I'm Drowning In tear's That I'll cry
tomorrow!
Copyright © Jamie Walker | Year Posted 2014
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Jamie Walker Poem
Gone Girl.....
That razor blade
Is her paint brush/
That canvas... Is her wrist
Her rush
Of blood/ To her head/
Means/
She's been painting deep into her flesh!.....
Her pain is still aching/
Her hands dripping with blood
She couldnt stop shaking/
That Paint brush Soaked up
Some of her pain/
Still a broken girl remained
Staring out her window pain
Heading down that lonely road/
she plagued/
with illness/ depression state/
Raged/ is reckoning/
taking over her brain/
every thought is plagued/
With depression/That's she been trying to escape/
But she trapped/ She feels she's been raped/
Of her old self/ She screaming
But no one seems to help/
She yelled/
With noone there except her self/
She so sick of seeing her reflection everywhere/
So she smashed up every single mirror/
She can't face her fears/
Her demons are over so powering its clear/
What she must do/
She thinks these only one way out/
And its now time over due
To get away from her broken home/
She Tried not to show/ no emotion/
But she holds emotion In/
like a renowned poet/ Whos constantly Going back over it/
So its now her time to go...
No love/So the blood stains/
Remained/
On her paint brush!
A broken child/ with a broken smile!
That never should have gave up/
She painted her face with clown make up/
With a Smiley face
To hide the frown/Because beneath that make up/
Her tears fell to the ground/ Where depression held her down..
But she never cried out loud/ She was way too proud
But her parents love soon departed/
In fact they never new she was an art-ist!
She kept It secret/
Until the day she cut too far
Barely missing her main art-eries
They never knew about her secret world behide her wardrobe/
If you could switch roles/
And go into HER mind of a broken soul/
And you'll find out how far the rabbit hole goes/
Her secret past/
Came back to haute her/
No one saw that masterpiece/
called "the crying daughter"/
Would it be a masterpiece/
If she was still hear today/
That's remains to be said/
let me paint the picture for you..Instead/
That Paint splattered covered In red/
Covers her face but can't cover
Those whispering noises/
In her head/
There Getting lounder/
She is screaming but she feels voiceless/
In the world that now surrounds her/
She now paints deep into her flesh
So she can escape that madness,
If not for one hour or one second
She's now a drug addifted felon
Who never learnt her lesson
Her hand is steady
She feels ready
To force the razor blade deep into her flesh.....
Her wrist now blead, dripping
Onto the cold bathroom floor
Those noises whispering
In her head Fade
Only for
Her to wake
The room is white
Not like/ her bathroom
This one is bright...
Nurse she awake!
Her silent screams
That have become so deadly
Her nightmares are now her dreams
She thinks she not worthy
Of life, Not knowing why she decides
To die...
Tears rolling down her face
As she heads to the bathroom and grabs
The razor blade
She forces the sharp blade across her wrist once again
Im telling you her story she confessed
As the medics,Didn't make it in time
She lying on floor dead
Her poem left, in her hand that read....
The deep dark red
That Paint now pours
Onto the cold floor
My body cold
The pain fades away
Along with my soul
Im Finally falling into an endless sleep
No Screams/ Just a faint sound of sirens
No more crying/ I finally feel complete
With nothing but complete.. Silence.
Credits most go to another poetry soup member
for the opening line,not sure who but i remember seeing it
and thought i would add my own thoughts to it.
That razor blade
Is her paint brush/
That canvas... Is her wrist
Copyright © Jamie Walker | Year Posted 2015
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Jamie Walker Poem
We told at a young age
You can make it as long, as we get good grades
If we behave;
We told hard work and dedication prevails
We not told what will happen if we fail
A life time's Aim for Lusting for fortune and fame
Just to have it, so abruptly taken away
We not told have much life can strain
Drain every single bit of life away
Have our dreams crushed to a size of a dusty grain
Have our wounds cut openly, so the world can see our bloody mistakes
Emotionally and physically scared
But those scars
Make you the person who you are
For them critics to tell you, they don't like your art
Its like having a rusty dagger put through your heart
Your dreams and self believe torn apart
To get right back up and march
On regardless of your past
Gives you heart
So dream bigger
Don’t be afraid to look at yourself in the mirror
Get the courage to not be a quitter
And stop yourself feeling bitter
Through literature I paint them the picture
I painted my own Self portrait
I portrait-ed
me as I see myself, a distraught face
glum misfortune fate
but looking back in mirror is a gorgeous face
You got Self esteem problems your not being honest
Don't listen to your sub conscience
Fear is what kills dreams, just think positive
Don't listen to these critics there talking nonsense
I've taken loses I've taken being at the bottom
I've promise
To myself to never doubt myself by there comment
In the hope one day they pay homage
To the pain of my voyage...
But the chilling truth
critics only start hearing you
the moment death is nearing you.
Copyright © Jamie Walker | Year Posted 2014
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Jamie Walker Poem
The date
July Twenty Eight
The year, 1914
The War which we feared
It began, something we could not foresee
This date, still haunters me
To this very day
Those bewailing screams
And those traumatic scenes
Words to do not to justify
The violence I've seen
Those images cemented in my brain
I still have those vivid dreams
From what took place
That no matter how much gin
I drink it will not go away
I pray for forgiveness for my sins
For those i killed in the war
My families even more distraught
This carnage i couldn’t bare
A pray to him up here, make it back from the war
I shed blood sweat and tears for my brothers
Living in pure darkness for so many years
Barbaric injuries that cant be Unseen
Blind to the cold war's corruption
And the overwhelming destruction
The hellish scenes, the smell of death
The air breathed in and breathed out
Men bleeding out, guts open on show
From the broken torsos
Broken bones
I tried i to heal him
Whilst in the mist of the battlefields
I cant see him breathing
Tranquility masks over him
Hes close to leaving
Hes dying right next to me, I blamed me
We were meant to be a team
He went charging out ahead of me
He was only young, he was was like my son
The fight with death that was the battle
A brave soul but looking back at him
Was the darkness of gun barrel!
I failed him as his sergeant
And as his farther!
I couldn’t look at his broken carcass
And my pain bleeds
Eternal may he rest in peace
That day will be remembered with me
Taken to my grave
Trapped in hell my tombed sealed
But I'm still awake
My eyes still twitching, they flicker
I'm itching to put the gun
To my temple and pull the trigger
To ease the pain emotionally and physically
Get out of this hell hole instantly
We cant we have more love and peace!
7 million civilians deceased
Bodies piled up in a heap
My gun wound though my leg
Reminds me of my narrow escape of death
As i stick my fingers in pulling out the bullet
Through sheer will power and adrenaline i manged to do it
As the blood oozes I'm losing too much
When we it stop
It ensues blood
My life flashes I'm doomed
Must I stop thinking I'm a useless solider
I still have both my arms
And firearms
In my holster,
Bomb blast off just over my platoon
My brothers fatal wounds
From there firearms
Bleeding out hes dying in my arms!
And theirs nothing i can do!
Go for cover dragging my brothers limbless body out fast
From the depths of despair
Muddy helmet and bloody chest
My impulse to pull my trigger to revenge my brothers death
I clench my gun and come out screaming out of my trench
My ordeal
I wake screaming
My nightmare isn’t real
Gulp the vodka, numb the pain
The same nightmare again!
Night after night day after day!
I can still smell the scent of rotten-ting flesh
The only thing the war promised was death!
A minute silence for all those
Who died 4 years ago wont
Bring those broken souls home
But with restore some hope
This war has finally fished today the date
11th of November Nineteen Eighteen
A date that we be forever remembered
But even more traumatic than fortitude
Was returning home too
Loved ones and breaking the there bad news!
She asks you how did he die?
You say peacefully, you lied
We both know its not true
R.I.P Private Mathew Blue.
Copyright © Jamie Walker | Year Posted 2014
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Jamie Walker Poem
Her unforgiving lips
Still so temping, Tho forbidden
Maybe its was just lust
Or worst, My one true love
She's now gone with the wind
The rustling of the leaves
echoing in the street
I'm calling out
But I cant hear her sound
I'm always one step be-hide
When I caught her up, I
could see it ….all in her eyes...
If she felt pain
You would see them angel's in heaven cry!
So those rain drops fill the room
Do I pursue.....
As I head up to heaven's gates, Up the escalator
NO ENTRY trespassers with be sent to straight
To HELL.. what do I do...
A broken angel up late, In the only open bar
I guess she's In hell too, trying to heal a broken heart
She orders herself a drink, Something to drown her sins
As she takes her seat
As our two lonely souls passing finally get to meet
My glass was once half empty
is now half, Full
Temptations raging like a bull, My mind going wild
But she been pulling the wool over my eyes
Teasing, Sending my sexual desire into over-drive
But just as falling in love
The ground crashed to bits
The concrete split, In between us ….I'm falling
It Separated our love!, My out reaching hand
Feels your touch, For the last time
As you slip though my hands
I'm calling “Goodbye
my love “you will always be mine
But I'm forever falling...
Her wings spread open
She trying to drag me up, To heaven, But I'm forever
Falling, Falling forever Falling........
Copyright © Jamie Walker | Year Posted 2014
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Jamie Walker Poem
A cute Couple
The missing piece
Of the puzzle
It was you and me
Souls as unity
Who always use to cuddle
snuggle up in the cold nights
And listen to each others troubled past life
We both could imagine being in our life's
Until the day we both die
But love is blind, Tunnel vision
On a one way mission
But our two tickets two our destination were missing
The destinations was love town
Our kids would make us so proud
But that wasn't meant to be
Everything happens for a reason you see
There a season you going through
There's a reason why hasn't yet come to you
Now under the pressure
Of our toxic relationship became so venomous
I gave you my mothers necklace
while you threw it to ground you broke its chain
The circle trust can not be re gained
Ripped up my love letters
Because you were seeing some many other fellas
be-hide my back you got me jealous
I flipped, you know i went reckless
All i could see was the red mist
But i would never strike you with my fist's!
No matter what anyone thinks
Sometimes I think you say things
Just so you can get a reaction out of me
So you can get me to say “i love you baby”
But you don't need do that
I tell you “i love you” not enough and i know that
I got trust issues but your not helping through that
Telling me you with another guy ain’t healthy
This relationship has become overwhelming
Now i reread your texts
To see if you left any subliminal messages
In the hope we get back together
Because I remember the good times better
Than the worst but
I picked the phone up, I got your number up
But I’m too scared to ring you up
I don't want to buckle first
Maybe it was puppy love
But love still hurts.
Copyright © Jamie Walker | Year Posted 2014
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Jamie Walker Poem
Another drop of water
Falls upon the grave of my daughter
As I Hear The Insane Laughter
Of the Devil
But Its was In the hands of the God Too slaughter
The flowers Of the Innocent petal
The Essences Still Young and feeble
Barley Old Enough To mould
The Body and soul have Gone Bitterly Cold
Several choices
Now I hold A gun Across my temple Because I hear voices!
Repent My Sins Or stay In the lines Of law And Order
As I see the man Who killed my daughter
Walk free
Revenge wont alter the story Or banish the pain
Trying too Vanquish My demons But I'm still left with the Anguish And hate
Wishing my little girl would appear today
And spread some sunshine of this world of Grey
I'm Lost Drowning In Depression, I lost my Essences
Plummeting Into thickness of the fog
I hope you don't hear these tear-drops
That descended, Kind of poetic
I hear raindrops On the ocean That are your Tears I cherish...
I how visions of you still here,Beside me
Purifying
I hear your voice It says "Daddy... why are you crying"?
"Are you Upset? But "Are you really here"? I guess..
Not because she's not replying
There just noises whispering In my head
The doctor Says Its normal if your repress feelings
That's why you feeling depressed...
Today I'm just A drop Of water
I wish I felt There was more to life
Come tomorrow I'm be In the Ocean
Rising With Morning Tide.
Copyright © Jamie Walker | Year Posted 2016
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Jamie Walker Poem
I wake to cold sweats scratches
From Sleeping on this broken mattress
Outside is cold but its my home, My palace
My brain crashes from this addiction
I so I need that fix to get me back high
I'm trying to fix the broken pieces missing inside
I've seen heroin take my best friends life
Yet I still inject it, Why?
Why wont this addiction just Roll over
Now I'm diseased with this thing called bi polar
A world trapped in eternal sadness
For others beautiful for some so numb
While I'm covered in an eternal blackness
They say I need to take these pills before
I turn to madness
But there my thorn digging my side
As sharp as a cactus
No wonder I have this cuts of pure madness
Because it aches stomach pains Nausea vomiting, Insomnia
Give me a story of drama
But then my dis honer
Had to cut my wrist to see that this blood
is thicker than is vodka
Slowly sinking under water
Holding a ton of bricks on my shoulder
Only makes me stronger
In order to move on we have to see the rain
live through the pain
before we get that sunshine once again!
Copyright © Jamie Walker | Year Posted 2014
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Jamie Walker Poem
She held her hand Into her palm
There's something I need to tell you mom
"Im still your loving daughter",She warned Her
Before Sitting her down,
Saliva In the corners of mouth
Ive been telling a fib for half my life
She shakes her lips are dry
She could Find the right words to say, At the time
Back In 95 when she said she was dating that guy
Who was really a girl, Who change her world
that Night
That girl saved her life
Her mothers profound look In her eyes
Like she's see the evil In this world
Surprised,Daddy's Little girl came out
For the first time
If you could see the world through her eyes
Maybe you would change your opinion
Being Gay is not something you can change
Just be there by her side, before its too late
Before she starts to hate herself
Telling herself is wrong to love the same
A devil's sin
Telling her self its just a passing phase
Your Uncle Wallace said the same thing
At your age!
Bloody wrists She's trying to fix her bloodline
So She suffers without a love life
Those feeling of love deprived
She doesn't get much sleep at Night
The lust, Inside he gut
Is keeping her awake
She hasn't got no guy she's wants to trust
An abusive farther who used to beat her up...
Every Single day, till she's black and blue......
But she can't change, Her feelings
Even If she wanted too.
Copyright © Jamie Walker | Year Posted 2015
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Jamie Walker Poem
As she lay on her knees
surounded by the these brown clored leaves
she gazed up high
so high
it was like she
was floating above
the sky
but a cold breeze
soon sent
sievers down her spine
shaking it off
she picks up
a dandi lion
she made her wish and threw it
sending it flyinging in the wind
the birds whistling
in sync
she starts to sing
you see
its not autum anymore
its spring
no more autum leaves
just a warm summer breeze
Copyright © Jamie Walker | Year Posted 2014
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