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Best Poems Written by Samantha Komornik

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12
Details | Samantha Komornik Poem

I'M Tired of Pretending Part 1

I wish nothing more than to quit this game of pretend
I want to go back to being me, and forget whatever happened
I play pretend
Like a little girl who plays dress up.
I play pretend
To be an innocent little girl again
I play pretend
To make everyone happy
To make everyone leave me alone
I forgot who I am.
Am I really this nice of a person who gets walked over excessivly?
Then why do I have another part to me, screaming to be let go of.
To be let out...
Why is it whenever I let that half of me out even the slightest
People jump the gun and make me out to be a monster?
I am scared of that other half
I'm completely sure what she's like
I know that it is almost nothing like the other my other half
Why can't I be all of me?
I'm so tired of pretending.
I smile so much, my face hurts.
I smile so much I want to cry
I hate to smile.
False smiles, False laughs, and lies
That's how I play pretend.
"I swear I'm okay."
That's an empty promise.
I hate pretending
It kills me every day.
It makes me forget the other half inside
That claws and screams to get out.
It makes me forget the pain
Which only comes back later
Intensified, stronger, and more violent.
I'm tired of putting up with false friends
Who do nothing but accuse me
And point out my mistakes
Yell at me, and want to change me
Wanting to bend and break me
I'm tired of pretending
Of being so malluble just to make other people happy
But what about me, huh?
When will Samantha get her day to be happy?
When will Samantha get to be herself?
When can she stop playing pretend?
IF she can even stop playing pretend.
I'm tired of these false friends
With their invisible unknown strings set into my back.
I'm tired of puppet masters for friends
People are so stupid
They are so blind and trusting
They can never tell when I say a lie.
"I'm okay."
"No, it's fine, trust me."
I'm tired of making everyone else happy, except myself.
Why should I rely on people anyway?
They only dissapoint me in the end.
Love dissapointed me
Love betrayed me
Friendship stabbed me in the back
and they both lied to me.
What have I left?
Nothing really.
Music for one thing
My mind for another
But really, what have I left?
Nothing.
I'm tired of pretending...
I wish that I could stop...
But I've become so accustomed to it...
That it's become like a drug I can't quit.
Not to make me happy...
But everyone else around me happy.
And me all the more miserable.

Copyright © Samantha Komornik | Year Posted 2014



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Falling Into Darkness

Falling inside the black never made much sense to me
Struggling for air 
Gasping for breath
Can you hear me?
I'm whispering your name
No one's here to hear except gathered shadows and sillouttes of nobodies
I've been let down again
What am I supposed to beleive?
How am I supposed to feel?
Hearing the deafening roar of falling my thoguhts go back to you
I'm falling in the black again
What did you mean?
How did you say what you mean?
I need you
If only for a time
I need the light, even if dimmed
Don't let me fall into the black
I won't survive again
I can't go on living like that
I need the light
Please don't push me back into the darkness.

Copyright © Samantha Komornik | Year Posted 2014

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Hello My Old Friend

Hello, my old friend...
Did you miss me?
It seems like forever since we last met like this
Hello, my old friend...
Did you miss the warm touch of my skin?
I missed the way your cool lips feel against my wrist
The little nip and nibble as you let out my demons
Did you miss the ribbons of blood that run through these veins?
I know I missed you.
Hello, my old friend...
You want to help me get through this?
Thank you for listening
No one else does
No one else helps
Nor would they even know where to begin.
You're the only true friend I have
Hello, my old friend...
Did you miss the fragile veins in my wrist?
You once said they reminded you so much like twigs trapped under ice...
So please, friend
Bite down and snap a few twigs here or there.
Hello, my old friend...
Like a doctor you cure my pain
You know exactly which areas to touch and to tease
Hello, my old friend
You're the only one who listens
You're the only one who knows how I really feel
and you're the only one who knows the temporary fix
To what aches and ails me
Hello my old friend
Did you do something new?
I noticed the shine and the gleam in your eye
You're looking pretty sharp these days
Hello, my old friend
Hello my razor blade
Goodbye thoughts and goodbye pain
Good bye voices in my brain.

Copyright © Samantha Komornik | Year Posted 2014

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Waste of Time

Let me waste my breath
Scream this at the top of my lungs
Until my face turns blue
You'll never learn
I'll never learn
And I'll never disconnect this bad habit
You need me like a a druggie needs his needles
I need you like a bullet to the head
We existed once
We exist now
Just crumbling apart until nothing is left
So many years spent
In obidience, biting my tongue until it bled
Of wonderful laughs and bliss 
Memories that are inseperable to my heart
But what we have is headed for the grave 
Where it will lay it's head and rest in peace
This friendship has reached it's expiration date
Unraveled with time like an antique rug
You're the one pulling the strings, kneading the threads apart
I'm the one trying to sew it up on the other end
Stabbing and pricking my fingers till they bleed
Working in vain to stitch this friendship
Stitch this gaping hole, splattered in blood from these hands
That have worked hours, days, weeks, and months
To fix this while you unravel it
Down to nothing but the single threat that made it.
I'm wasting my breath
and I'm wasting my time
To salvage a friendship
That wasn't friendship

Copyright © Samantha Komornik | Year Posted 2014

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Reflection

If you ask me to look in a mirror
To stand in front of it naked before the world
What do you think I'd see?
An accomplished teenager who has made it so far in life?
A wonderfully intelligent young woman who has high aspirations for the future?
A caring and kind youth who will be the tomorrow of today's society?
A beautiful young woman who's sure to get the right man one day?
Now you're asking me what I see, right?
I see none of the above
But I do see something.
I see an unaccomplished teenager who could have done much better this far in life
I see an idiotic young girl who has no idea where she's headed and is rather indecisive
A caring and Kind youth who won't make it to tomorrow's society
A hideous young teenager who will never get a man in her short life-span
An insecure child who needs obsession to pacify herself
A self-loathing teenager who is willing to sacrifice normality by self destructing her body
A crazed teenager who had to create a world to escape the harshness of reality
A lonely teenager wanting nothing more than attention
A little child screaming out for help from the shadows of her mind
A quiet individual who wants nothing more than to be heard
A pained teenager whose agony goes unnoticed. 
A heartbroken teenager whose angst and love remain ignored
A sinner before the eyes of God
That is what I see in the smooth glass that is reflected back toward me
I loathe what is seen within it
I hate what I am
I hate who I am
You tell me to look again
I do, and I see the same as before
But I see the mirror now
The intricate cracks
The many barely noticeable pieces of glass missing
One more crack
One more hit
And this mirror is gone.
One more crack
One more hit
And I'm gone.

Copyright © Samantha Komornik | Year Posted 2014



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Confession

I lost all the color in my face
My throat is closing up
My brain is frozen
My hands are shaking
I'm naseous again
I didn't mean for it to happen
Why in the world did I ever hit send?
Waiting here like a fish on a hook
Reeled close and closer struggling to drift away
The hook is caught on my lip
I can't escape this
I can't breathe
The weight of this is crushing me
It's like carrying the world and the planets on top
Patrick, the name of a saint
Michael the name of an arch angel
Why did you leave me hanging?
Hands are shaking
Mind is frozen
Soul is burning
Mouth is dry
Losing color slowly
Fading away
Preparing for the big bang.

Copyright © Samantha Komornik | Year Posted 2014

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A Poet After My Own Heart

Words formed into such beauty
Can so easily take my breath away
Can so easily sweep me off my feet
Can take this heart, break or make it, and bewitch this mind
I'm falling apart to synthetic verse across a digital screen
A poet after my own heart
What I search, what I crave, what I may have found
Knees buckling, teeth chattering
Heart melting like a waxed candel
So easily swept away with the tide of rythmic word
I pour my heart out
To this poet after my own heart
Hiding my real self from everyone else
Decrypting my form for no one else
For this poet after my own heart to understand- maybe see
Decrypting him I find myself reflected in him.
Leaving myself out in the open
For him to take or leave
Still showing this heart in my wrist to no one, only informing the poet of it
Amazed, and lulled to serenity by this poet
I'm quite infactuated and he does not even know it
I'm a simple stalker with her eye on a target
Aiming to hit, shooting to miss
Bone crushing lust for a poet after my own heart
Lust, love
Love, lust
What's the difference at this age?
Dependant on the poet, quiet around him
Lulled into silence by his presceence, put to shyness
Fighting down rolling waves of insecurity in the ocean of my gut
Watching him, stalking him playfully
Gives me the zest
Hiding and trying to avoid from being seen- to avoid his dissapointment
At such a homley form- nothing special, nothing beautiful, nothing divine
Just simply sam, standing before him, before you
Simpley Sam, the simple stalker
I've found you, you've seen me.
Which direction now?
I would sew my lips shut before I ever uttered a word
Of this poem, of my heart, of my feelings
Because I simply cannot take one more let down

Copyright © Samantha Komornik | Year Posted 2014

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Schizophrenic Remedy

I've glanced at heaven.
I've walked through hell.
I wish on stars and dandelions

I crave for fantasies reality cannot satiate
At night I talk to the moon and sing to the stars
I walk on clouds and speak to whispers
I follow faeries to far off places 

Where a bleeding moon hangs from the sky
Where I run along in meadows of black and white roses.
Smiling as the thorns lacerate me.
 Dancing with red eyed creatures
Listening to whispers in the wind.
With this feeling of finally belonging.
Being finally at peace... 
Safe inside, this world in my mind
Lost between reality and time

Copyright © Samantha Komornik | Year Posted 2014

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This Feeling

Can you tell when I talk to you
All the secrets I've kept
Can you tell when I talk to you
I'm so under your spell, I've wept
When we talk for hours on end
Do you have any idea what goes through my mind?
Typing and talking
I lose track of time
Sitting in class my minds always on you
Drifting away from reality
and making simulations of what to do
This image in my head won't let me rest
It's been buzzing around since we first met
Spreading throughout my body and infecting my chest
It's warming, it's calming, it's soothing all at once
It's taking my breath away and shutting my mind down
Letting me enjoy a taste of happiness
A taste of happiness is what I've wanted
for years, months and days
Just a simple sip from the cup of that feeling
and
Having someone to talk to
To express my mind to
Gives me hope
It gives me life
It gives me the feeling I'm not dying inside.
I feel saved.
I feel safe.
I feel you.

Copyright © Samantha Komornik | Year Posted 2014

Details | Samantha Komornik Poem

Simple Sam

I'm simply Sam, the simple stalker
Popping sweet tarts like a drug addict pops their pills
I worry too much and often think too into things
I know what's right for you, but have no idea what's good for me
I swallow my words to keep me sane
Chaning myself down to keep me tame
I think outside the box while looking in
Always searching but never finding that someone just for me
Standing outside your class room door
Waiting for you to look up and see
I'm simply Sam, the shy stalker
Following you down a hallway begging you silently to turn around
To look at me, not through me
Begging you to notice me
Hoping you will be the one who falls for me
I'm simply Sam, the silent stalker
I watch you pass by in crowds
Waiting for scenes like on a silver screen
Of fateful occurences- meeting my soulmate
Thinking every person I fall for just may be that someone just for me
I'm simply Sam, the obsessive stalker
Writing poetry in vain
All about you and how I wish it could be
Writing poetry of premeditated heartbreak
A poetic preminition of how it all ends
I'm simply Sam, the poetic stalker
Going out of my way to give you what you want
Spending dollar after dollar just to see you smile
Devoting time, effort, and gut all to see the tiniest upturn of the corner of your mouth
Changing myself to better suit your needs
I'm simply Sam, the romantic stalker
I'll buy you flowers & candy
I'll wrote you multiple page poems
I'll serenade you in deaf tones to the best of my ability
I'm simply Sam, and I'm not a stalker
I'm simply Sam, just misunderstood
I'm simply Sam, who simply needs to be loved
I'm simply Sam, and I'm far from simple.

Copyright © Samantha Komornik | Year Posted 2014

12

Book: Shattered Sighs