Details |
Peanut Peanut Poem
my mind and i
are at a game of hide and seek
only
i think i've gotten the rules wrong
i am both
the hider
and the seeker
forever searching for her
but terrified of being seen
Copyright © peanut peanut | Year Posted 2026
|
Details |
Peanut Peanut Poem
Same fabric same clothes
But I stand in the mirror with yet another pose
Same blanket same bed
But I realize my safe haven is just an excuse for procrastination woven with thread
Same wallet same money
But what used to mean freedom now means responsibility
Same tears same eyes
But no more hugs I am in the bathroom with muffled cries
Same face same smile
But the little girl has been lost for a while
Copyright © peanut peanut | Year Posted 2026
|
Details |
Peanut Peanut Poem
What is maturing?
Is it the car you drive home in and not the gate you wait by?
Is it the movie you’ve rewatched a thousand times
only now realizing the villains were never born bad?
Is it swapping out yellow and pink for white and black?
yellow is fun, pink is cute
the colors and your suit don’t match
Is it reading newspapers instead of story books?
the stories were never real anyway
don’t waste your time on imagination
it’s not going on your résumé
Is it learning when to speak up and when to keep your mouth shut?
it’s called manners, seeming to make them ever so happy
the louder they laugh the lower your head sinks
Is it swallowing the tears you used to let out for a piece of candy?
suffocating, water levels rising
eyes dry, but the river inside is bleeding
Is it deleting contacts from your phone because you no longer have time for them?
lie, you have time; you just don’t have the energy
Is it knowing that nostalgia is the only thing left from your childhood?
Canvases and paintbrushes replacing crayons and glitter
but the canvas is empty, your paintings are no good
because you can’t remember how your old bedroom looked
Is it giving up?
not your efforts, your dreams
you don’t have dreams anymore
only pieces flashing by as you sleep
Is it realizing that there is no living, only surviving?
my laughter is hollow, my smiles aren’t real
for I smile not because I want to but because I must
wanting is a luxury for those who live
But like I said, I am a survivor
and I say this without pride
Because if this is what maturing looks like
I want to be the most childish person alive
Copyright © peanut peanut | Year Posted 2026
|
Details |
Peanut Peanut Poem
So much to say but silence I choose
The friendship I hate but can’t bear to lose
Lock my heart away or a fading smile I face
I close the gates
The choice is easy
Though I feel a knife twisting, not a key
Lord help my soul, I am just a friend
A friend all too good at play pretend
Copyright © peanut peanut | Year Posted 2026
|
Details |
Peanut Peanut Poem
Eccedentesiast
Someone who hides pain behind a smile
Someone who laughs at jokes they don’t find funny
Just to see if the sound is still believable
Someone who muffles her sobs
because her mother is sleeping
Because she cannot bear the sight of her mother’s worried eyes on her yet again
Someone who puts on makeup
to hide her red rimmed eyes
To pretend she was worrying about her looks rather than her heart
Someone who loves smiley face stickers
because maybe that would make hers a little more real
maybe that would distract them from the fact that her smile was fading
that her composure was breaking
maybe the stickers could mend the cracks in her heart
I can’t do that
I don’t remember what it’s like to laugh
For I am too exhausted to move the useless muscles
My sobs are too loud to be muffled by my pillows
And I curse myself for the crease in my mother’s brows
For ache that is sure to settle in her chest
With mascara running down my cheeks
No makeup in the world could fix the ugliness that lies within me
The stickers are tearing along with my heart
The more I stick on the faker I feel
Who am I kidding?
I am not an eccedentesiast
I cannot hide my pain behind a smile
Copyright © peanut peanut | Year Posted 2026
|
Details |
Peanut Peanut Poem
I am at the intertidal zone
The water slowly creeps to my feet
I feel the sand move uncomfortably beneath the water
But I do not move away
The water laps around my knees
An impending sense of dread
Accompanies the cold waves
But I do not move away
Now the water tickles my waist
Not in the fun, playful way I used to enjoy
No, this is a reminder
That all my worries and burdens
Will never disappear
They will eat away at my mind
Until it is all that I think about
But still, I do not move away
The water tugs at my shoulders
My spiraling thoughts now so loud, so heavy
It drags me down
Begs me
for silence only the currents can carry
For peace only the ocean can hold
So I wait what seems like an eternity
Until the water is finally pulling me under
I am forced the hold my breath
To endure the discomfort that accompanies relief
Darkness swallows me whole
I am lost, suffocating and utterly alone
But I do not move away
For this is the only time
I can cry unnoticed
The only excuse I have
For the water running down my cheeks
Where my tears are wiped away
With something other than my hands
Where they can’t feel
The bitterness of my despair or
The harsh taste of my frustration
The full tide is my haven as much as it is my destruction
But you see
I am at the intertidal zone
The water will leave
Just as it has come
And I will take in one grateful breath of air
As the pressure lifts from my lungs
I will feel the warmth from the sun
Envelope me like a soft blanket
As my limbs are freed from the waves
I will build up my defenses once more
As the currents take away
Both my pain and my comfort
And I will not remember
The anxiety that had my heart pounding
Or the desperation that had my eyes brimming with tears
So I do not move away
Copyright © peanut peanut | Year Posted 2026
|