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Lydia Campbell Poem
As Catherine Lacey once said “If you’re raised with an angry man in your house, there will always be an angry man in your house.”
Which I always thought was true.
But when you’re raised with an angry father and an even angrier mother, what does that make you?
I may not have been dealt the best cards.
Growing up in verbal warfare took a toll.
Everything you told me I wasn’t, I worked to be tenfold.
My story may have started with you, but you won’t have a chance to see how it ends.
Thank you for showing to me that relationships should never take a piece of my heart with it to mend.
So I left the angry man back at that house, to ensure it was the last time.
The last time of letting the angry man inside.
I may have been raised by you, but this is where the cycle ends.
Swearing to never sell myself short of true, wholehearted love again.
The angry man will never be back in this house, I know that for a fact.
The best thing I ever did was pack my bags and never look back.
Leave before the cold settles in and the blizzards make you stumble off your path.
Sometimes cutting ties is the only way to keep your soul intact.
Water can be thicker than blood.
Family can be the people you choose.
Care for the tender parts of you and it will take care of you too.
Angry men may have raised you, but you’re a clear example to see.
You can become the people who hurt you or you can break the cycle and be everything they said you’d never be.
Copyright © Lydia Campbell | Year Posted 2024
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Lydia Campbell Poem
You're in my head again, it's been awhile since you've stopped in
It would be a lie to say I missed you
There's no point in missing something that keeps you so thin
You always appear at the worst times
It's a familiar knock at the door
And sometimes I think you're here to kill me
Because oftentimes there's nothing left to take from me anymore.
I’m being selfish though, people would murder for my body
I could try and not to answer the door but you always find a way to me
And sometimes ignoring, is a deadly price to pay
I'm quite good at it though, because I always let you stay
Keep a sealed mouth so nobody starts to worry
My weight is dropping, My body's freezing, I fainted twice today
I knew I had a problem when I was just trying to make it through the day
I'm getting awfully tired now, Dancing with the devil
Seeing how long I can make it until my body begins to crumble
Casket or cure?
I won't know until I know
What's worse than losing a game that you never intended to play?
Fighting the devil at another shot to stay
While holding losing cards, knowing I'll never win
It's just the price you pay when you want to be thin
Copyright © Lydia Campbell | Year Posted 2024
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Lydia Campbell Poem
The night I killed myself, I wrote a letter
A letter to everyone who has ever loved me and watched me grow
A gentle reminder that it’s okay to let me go
The night I killed myself, I told my best friend I loved her,
That I appreciate all that she has done
That even when life was crumbling, she was always my one
The night I killed myself, I hugged my mom dearly
I apologized for the anger pitted deep inside of me
I told her it wasn't her fault and that in the end, everything would be okay
All while knowing, I had no intentions to stay
The night I killed myself, I walked my dog one last time
Absorbed the sunrays on my skin and the floral notes in the air
Suddenly for a moment, I was genuinely happy to be there
I stopped to smell the roses and even pet a neighborhood cat
I started to wonder when I lost sight of the beauty in all that
The night I killed myself, I stopped at my favourite diner to say goodbye
Chatting up the doe-eyed server as I waited in line
Digesting the fact that this life doesn't get better
So I sat by my bedside, writing this letter
But the night I killed myself, I came back to me
Seeing what I had done and the true, wholehearted love that always surrounded me
I thought about the roses and the neighborhood cat, my mother's hug and my best friends always having my back
About what tomorrow would have brought if I had just stuck around to see
Suddenly an abundance of love, rushing over me
How thankful I am that I put the pen down
Crumpled up the paper, stepped back and looked around
Seeing my many blessings and becoming grateful I thought twice,
Of thinking of cutting myself short of the privilege to fully experience this life.
Copyright © Lydia Campbell | Year Posted 2024
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