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Katlin Bouse Poem
And finally
This time was different…it was the final goodbye.
He is the light, my whole, the pure
How do you know where to fall if you cant see?
"And I will be content in every
circumstance.”
With how many abandonments I have
experienced you would think Id be used to
it, right? It hurts so much each time…. I
know the process…. I can't help being sad
though…how do you move on knowing
they're out there just fine and moving on.
Oh wait, there's no cholce but to go on. Its
soul crushing. It’s living in agony some
days until it gets better. Hopefully it stays
better longer this time. To the better days
??????
What is the joke of life?
Death.
It’s hard to let go of the concept that no
one cares while simultaneously wrapping
your head around the fact that the person
you knew put up a facade.
Feel my wrath and feel my fury for I am a
scorned woman.
Some people go to their grave with their lies for that I will never understand. No
shame.
It shall come to us all,
Death.
The Great Divide
Copyright © Katlin Bouse | Year Posted 2023
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Katlin Bouse Poem
Death,
it shall come to us all.
Some people go to their grave with their lies for that I will never understand. No
shame.
Feel my wrath and feel my fury for I am a
scomed woman.
It’s hard to let go of the concept that no
one cares while simultaneously wrapping
your head around the fact that the person
you knew put up a facade.
What is the joke of death?
Life.
With how many abandonments I have
experienced you would think Id be used to
it, right? It hurts so much each time…. I
know the process…. I can't help being sad
though…how do you move on knowing
they're out there just fine and moving on.
Oh wait, there's no cholce but to go on. Its
soul crushing. It’s living in agony some
days until it gets better. Hopefully it stays
better longer this time. To the better days
??????
"And I will be content in every
circumstance
How do you know where to fall if you cant see?
He is the light, my whole, the pure
This time was different…it was the final goodbye.
And finally
The war is over
Copyright © Katlin Bouse | Year Posted 2023
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Katlin Bouse Poem
Craving cyanide pills.
Abandon me, death in my veins.
Extracted my heart while it was still beating.
Lately it’s just coffee and cigarettes.
From the morning until the sun goes down.
There just one minor setback, I’m the only one with a gun.
For once I’m making up my mind, I’m gunna leave this world tonight.
Suicidal thoughts got me moving too fast.
The pain I got inside got me feeling so numb.
I keep seeing death when I’m dreaming, I tell my mamma she don’t believe it
Nothing matters, no one else; I have lost the will to live.
I gotta take this opportunity before I miss it.
Cause your brain can only think about the waiting loaded gun.
Just stay away from me.
Become more than just a burden.
And I know they say that time will heal my wounds.
A reason to smile from six feet underground.
Copyright © Katlin Bouse | Year Posted 2023
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Katlin Bouse Poem
When I Die
When I die will you remember me?
Feel like this suicide will be my only remedy, and I’ll let you decide if I am worth remembering..
The cemetery burns the butterflies when you’re dying, I’m dying.
I don’t wanna feel this in pain no more.
The Earth’s in rotation, you’re waitin for me.
Why does being alive feel intrinsically wrong?
I’ve been tempting fate with my heart beside me.
Living in this world gets harder everyday.
Somehow I found comfort in all of the suffering.
Hold on my dear, I’m coming home.
All I do is blend in with the background.
Looking for a place to hide.
I know I’m such a burden.
Now you’re losing me.
Inside I have died, I guess I’m way better alone.
I lost it all so leave me be.
You don’t understand the pain I feel.
Lonely waiting for the end.
Even when my heart does stop, you’re the last thought that’s on my mind.
In cemetery weather.
I been in my room, I been counting down the time, counting down the hours until I finally take my life.
I might take my own life.
I pray that this choice is the right move.
And I don’t need permission to feel sad; I don’t need a witness to have my back.
Sometimes I cry only wishing I was dead and I’m sorry; I’m truly sorry for the way I feel.
Reasons I can’t be loved..
No matter how hard I try, you keep pushing me aside.
Will you end my pain?
I’m in a lot of pain but I act like I don’t hurt.
You knew right from the start, that there’s no one here to blame.
Even with my broken parts I feel better now.
My limbs go numbs, as my colors fade out, you watch me bleed.
I can’t act like I’m fine when I’m not anymore and it hurts.
We lay beside the gun, it fades from night to sun.
Premeditated should be medicated.
Copyright © Katlin Bouse | Year Posted 2024
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Katlin Bouse Poem
With your hands around my throat, watch me while I choke.
I can’t ing breathe, too much ecstasy.
I just died in your arms tonight.
So save me, I don’t wanna go alone.
Will I ever be fine, do I belong in another place?
I feel no emotion from you.
No sign of life, can you hear my heart beating?
Seeking and hiding
I been wishing for an end.
I got a feeling that I’m not gunna be here next year.
You’re in fully control.
I don’t want to die alone.
I’m blue.
Copyright © Katlin Bouse | Year Posted 2024
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Katlin Bouse Poem
Out of my dreams and into my life..
Unbelievable.
You stole the matches from my book.
Put out the fire in my eyes.
I need you to leave me alone..
We ran our courses, going no where.
I close my eyes, I want to leave my body.
Will you wait for me after I fall asleep?
Hail the king of death.
I try to stand. You keep pushing me down, pushing me down.
My kingdom falls.
An empty throne placed in the dark.
Do you feel like a man when you push her around?
Do you feel better now as she falls to the ground?
A closet you cannot close.
The devil in you I suppose.
A desperate aching wonder, will you ever... ever let me off my knees?
I could live, I could die, hanging onto the words you say.
I listen to the words you're saying, words
I'm fighting to believe.
I look and beg for truth.
How can you love me and lie?
You pollute me with your lies.
Your secrets have come out.
You justified my doubt.
Can you tell me that I'm wrong?
This pain in my chest got me hoping that sometime that we can make it better than it was before.
Too many nights I grabbed my own chest
Saw my own death
Dying on the ground, asking why I couldn't see because every devil that I've ever loved looked just like a saint so
By these thoughts I'm hiding in my brain, Cause I've been holding them down but they twist me violently.
guess sometimes I picture my finger still there on your cheek..
Thought you were beside me
But I reached and you were gone..
It is what it is.
We had our time.
This isn't fair(no)
Don't you try to blame this on meee
My love for you was bulletproof
But you're the one who shot me.
Yeah, I'm trying hard to forget all the color in your eyes.
Those ocean eyes...
This mark you've made on me can't be erased.
The darkest days, the darkest nights, I won't stop until the day I die.
I can't replace you, I can't escape you, now.
Every night I'm dreaming I could hold you,
Every time I wake up all alone.
Loving you, no, I don't know why I do it..
Loving you is so hard it leaves me with bruises,
Loving you is like dancing without music..
How to danee in time...maybe in another lifetime.
Like a poison filling my veins, you're the antidote.
Cause even angels die, too, they die in the dark.
When you're too in love to let it go...
I'll be going through withdrawal of you for this one night we have spent.
Does the hurt and the love disappear?
Sometimes I pretend you are still here..
And I can't live without your love and I can't die..
The one with no one....
Cause baby we don't work no more
And I don't wanna hurt no more
I'm at war in my head everyday, I've been screaming and fighting for peace.
My will it breaks, you left me broken down all over the floor.
Don't wanna try anymore.
I can't take anymore. won't break again.
Living in this world gets harder everyday.
Need to remind myself to breath.
I've fought for this, I've bled for this.
There is no turning back now.
If I'm gunna survive, I'lI make it barely alive.
Still battling all of my demons, all because of you.
Fighting for air, I'll fight to survive.
My soul's not for sale, I won't pay the price.
Loving you isn't the right thing to do.
Whisper words of wisdom
Let it be
And I will be content in every circumstance.
I send this smile over to you
Disarm you with a smile
And leave you like they left me here to wither in denial.
Remember me with a smile on my face.
One last time, I tell myself everytime.
Another one bites the dust..
Copyright © Katlin Bouse | Year Posted 2023
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Katlin Bouse Poem
I won’t be happy until I’m tangled in your love forever.
I told you to be patient.
So I’m driving around in circles thinking about you.
Do you hear me now, cause I have been screaming my lungs out.
You’re too good for me, I’m too bad to keep.
I really don’t care the cost, you’re the one holding me down.
No air in my lungs, trying to breathe now; I want to scream now, I want to reach out.
As sure as I live, this love that I give is gunna be yours until the day that I die.
No question if you say so.
I think I saw you in my sleep darling.
Tell you that I’m fine but everyday you’re on my mind.
Start this fire, fuel my desire.
If I opened but my heart for you to stay.
You can take my life, all you need, make me right.
I sit alone and watch the clock.
Distance between us has been so confined.
I like the pain so put your hands around my neck.
Hold me like a hostage.
You’re a mess, I’m a wreck.
Crucified by love.
Just hold my heart and call it home; touch my soul, I’m only yours.
Take my hand, take my whole life too.
And now our souls were intertwined, I’ve left you here to wonder why.
Copyright © Katlin Bouse | Year Posted 2023
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Katlin Bouse Poem
I hope you’re ready for the pain, I hope you’re ready for the hurt.
Now I can breathe, turn my insides out and smother me, warm and alive I’m all over you, would you smother me?
Fell in love with the ways you kill me; do or die, you and I, we’re guilty.
I’ll be smiling cheek to cheek, or I’ll be faced down in that creek; it’s up to you, it’s up to me.
So deep that you won’t feel a thing; as I hold you, I’m drowning too.
Just let me hold you like a hostage.
I wish you were here.
We wake up dressed in black but went to bed in white.
I was hard to ignore with blood in my face.
I’ll beg you to love me for all that I’ve done; yea love me and we’ll become one.
How can one stay here and look at you tomorrow; all I ever did was cry.
In the silence on the street.
In the silence of the pain.
Can’t handle the pain, this life is so hallow.
You were stitching up the seams.
I know that even with the seams stitched tightly, darling, scars will remain.
But as you go, remember I’m by your side.
Use me as you will, pull my strings for a thrill.
So, one day, you and I will write our names in the sky.
You make me feel so special.
Keep a smile cause I’m still here.
You feed me your fears til I’m sick of your tone.
Maybe it’s for the best, I’ll call it an angel’s test.
Can you tell me what hurts me, is it remembering or forgetting?
As your breath is timed, in and out with mine.
1st degree murder.
Lift me upward and take all my pain; gunna leave my feelings dead.
If you leave, don’t leave now.
Well I see you’re sad, but we’re both sad.
I have a thought of you for every star in the sky, but I’m scared.
You’re in love with a psycho and there’s nothing you can do about it.
Baby take me away, I’m tired of being alone; won’t you rest my angry bones?
The fever for you was just burning me up inside.
But it’s so good, I’ve never dreamed of no body like you.
Loving you is like dancing without music.
I told myself that it wouldn’t be bad, but pulling away took everything I had.
I wanna be the one you’re calling, cause I believe that you could lead the way.
The devil found a clever way to infiltrate and bring his manipulation.
And I’ll put my fingers in the door so that when I close it on you, I’ll hurt a lil bit too.
You may be untrue, but I know I’m always coming back, bet on that.
Baby, this love I’ll never let it die, can’t be touched by no one.
I wanna cry and I wanna love but all my tears have been used up.
I can’t stop the way I feel; things you do, don’t seem real.
Giving us up didn’t take a lot, I saw the end ‘fore it begun.
Cause lately it’s been hard, they’re selling me for parts; and I don’t want to be modern art, but I only got half a heart to give to you.
We made each other bleed and we tasted it.
I summoned you, please come to me, don’t bury thoughts that you really want; I fill you up, drink from my cup, within me lies what you really want.
I said that we would die together.
I will stay with you, we’ll make it to the other side like lovers do.
I’ve asked myself, how much do you commit yourself?
It was fun for a while, there was no way of knowing; like a dream in the night.
Copyright © Katlin Bouse | Year Posted 2024
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Katlin Bouse Poem
Why’d you leave so suddenly; tore the air from inside of me.
Say anything but the final sentence.
I think I lost my final fight, all of my hope is out of sight; I think I’ll take another drive.
So I drove home at a hundred miles an hour just to see what it’s like to fly.
I know you so better than the city in the rear view, I drive to eliminate the ball that I’m chained to.
I wake up again, feel this pain, it’s always the same .
I just wish I could feel some love; feel like I’ve been stabbed with a million shards.
Can’t track time but I know it’s been a while.
You got darkness in your mind.
Where the have you been, I been calling your name in your sleep since May.
I still lie awake at night; and I feel the weight, black and white.
I don’t want to miss you anymore.
I’m lovin you, lovin you against my will.
And I keep coming back for more to fuel the fires in my fantasy.
And I’m waiting for your love, to feel your heartbeat; and I am aching to hold you now.
Copyright © Katlin Bouse | Year Posted 2023
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Katlin Bouse Poem
The sky is falling down; the end is calling out to me.
I was looking for an angel, now I know it ain’t you.
So tell me is this forever.
Just another day in this world where you swear you are okay.
I’m chasing dreams that I don’t know if I can touch.
There’s a girl inside my head; she’s the best I’ve never met.
I used to be sweet but my ex left a motive.
Was patience worth its fight?
Not too sure why I’m walking to the gallows.
I wore the mask you made me because I love you, now it’s obvious that you don’t want me; you just want my love.
I wish you hated me because we’re never going to get back together.
Cause you only want me to change, and even if I do, I already lost you.
Never thought you were leaving, now my heart is bleeding.
I fell in an ocean of pain and misery.
But it’s too late, my heart stays frozen.
I find another way to make me smarter, just so I could understand.
When the lights go out, that’s when I illuminate.
I said I love you, but I’ll never understand again.
I think about the old days.
I just wanna look in her eyes.
How come the ones we love the most don’t ever stay?
And the sun still rises even though you’re not with me.
I’m always giving advice, ironic I need it most.
Ashes to ashes, dust to dust, we all die one day; I want you to know angels don’t fly my way.
Stay the away when I’m inside my coffin yea.
Copyright © Katlin Bouse | Year Posted 2024
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