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Ezekiel Gonzales Poem
“Speak from the heart”
What a load of crap
Cut straight to the point
did this all even matter?
From the start, the middle to that bitter-sweet end
A strange affair
A compilation of half-assed dates
Boring moments between two boring individuals
A couple of airheads
A blind trust formed by dimwits
Strangely normal, strangely plain
Formless wandering in a hollow husk
Dead, dirty skin flakes off my shoulders
Brain-dead is labeled across my head in bold
Casually tossing what remains out on the curb
I don’t seem to care
Remaining the same day by day;
“There’s always tomorrow,”
“I can’t reach the phone, try again tomorrow,”
“It will have to wait for tomorrow,”
“Today is not tomorrow.”
Monotony brought flowers to my door
You preached about Today when Tomorrow was yesterday
All those tears won’t get you anywhere
what made you sad, anyways?
Turning away from closed doors and shaken dreams
what were you fighting for, anyways?
There’s someone willing to bid a “Goodbye”
what are you waiting for, anyways?
It’s all so maddening, tumbling, waking, apologizing
Shaking my fists in anger
falling down a steep cliff
rising with the morning sun
crying on my knees
Was I ever prepared for walking this world alone; life is throwing a curveball and I’m no batter
Hunched over the bathroom sink, my eyes see something extraterrestrial
like a bad trip on drugs I can’t seem to break that nasty spell
Viewing life through a fish-eyed lens
the photo prints Hell
Oh, such a horrid sight but I can’t find the will to look away
Find a way to kill me
I can’t stand this any longer
Death is my only resolve
It’s all so maddening, tumbling, waking, apologizing
Shaking my fists in anger
falling down a steep cliff
rising with the morning sun
crying on my knees
Was I ever prepared for walking this world alone; life is throwing a curveball and I’m no batter
Hunched over the bathroom sink, my eyes see something extraterrestrial
like a bad trip on drugs I can’t seem to break that nasty spell
Viewing life through a fish-eyed lens
the photo prints dying
Oh, such a pleasant sight and I can’t find the will to look away
Find a way to kill me
I can’t stand the wait any longer
Death is my only resolve
When the clock strikes twelve
When the night is at its peak
When the dark has spread through the room
Striking down— a bullseye!
Copyright © Ezekiel Gonzales | Year Posted 2023
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Ezekiel Gonzales Poem
The rows and pews, the uproar of pain
Saint's can't tame
Hold your hands,
pray for the one up above-- confess your sins before the statue
The symbol of beauty
of grace and fatigue
Let the veil lift from damaged eyes
Call the Lord; the savior to all
Fall to your knees
A Holy sanctuary of angelic sinners
Let the blessed come forth to the purest of light,
have your love turn to anguish as the flames dance
Tickling your skin
Let it lap at the scraps like all rabid dogs; hungry for a taste-- one of blood
Crystal white and lush velvet
A cacophony--
one to clash, dance, form beauty
One for the Devil to lust, one for the Lord in vain
Bruised knees
Pointed hands
The screams are visible through stained-glass windows
When it's all burning, we're all laughing
the Sinners and Saints
Our saviour watches from the ash, the smoke, the flecks of human
No longer is Death a foe;
only an old friend
Once it's all gone, it reins
Copyright © Ezekiel Gonzales | Year Posted 2023
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Ezekiel Gonzales Poem
When you chose to lay your weapon down,
I was baffled;
we had fought for what's felt like a millennia
Killing our brothers like savages--
rabid with a contagious disease
"Slaughter thy enemy!"
But, we're all the same
Fighting the noble cause
"Justice for all!"
Murder
Yes, we know
Nothing is just Black
Nothing is just White
What happened to the Gray?
When did I become my own enemy
When you chose to lay your weapon down,
I was relieved;
no longer are you a moving target, just one to the heart
Seeing you, so close
Is this what your family saw?
I want--
I have to look away from such a sight
We're only pretending to know, to be good;
"I am not the Bad Guy!"
They said it too
What makes us so different--
the right words
When you chose to lay your weapon down,
I was scared;
what did that mean for me?
Killing the Bad Guy-- a Human,
where is the "Good" in me
Falling to my knees,
I dare not look up
What Hero am I giving up like this
How could you have blinded yourself as to not see;
too much Black, too much White
Ignoring the Gray
There are no Heroes in this story
Copyright © Ezekiel Gonzales | Year Posted 2023
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Ezekiel Gonzales Poem
I don't want you to know-- not all of it
the good, the bad, the dirty
No, there's no such thing when I try to speak my truth
Just for a moment, let me hold your hand in mine
it's you, not him
it's you, not her
it's you, it's me
Did it ever cross your mind what the little me looks like?
Every drop,
every little whisper we shared
buried deep in our souls and seared in to our minds
All the things we wished and wanted
Pushed under the dark
I want to rip her apart, I want to tear him to shreds
Whisps of agony settle in the wind
Biting back my words, I'll wait
There's something missing--
something I know that's important
But what's one more day?
When did eating become a chore,
When did the bathroom become a sanctuary?
Pinch, poke and prod at my insides
Shoving them deep in my throat
I hope I gag and choke,
before they reach too far
Death is a sinful prayer
I'll pray for it
Never one for a party-- I'll show you a smile if you ask
Flash to the left, flash to the right
Party over
Good Child; mature, a quiet thing
when did you last say, "No"
Keep your head down
do as told
Good Misfit
Dirty little secrets from a dirty little Angel
Fallen from the kingdom
and disgraced by the one most dear-- the only one left
No farewell was needed
I hope you burn, spoken like a true gentleman
Tearing, breaking us apart in such a way
Did you care?
Come back for one moment,
let me say my peace
Time is never kind, never fair
not to you,
not to me, not to us
There's no such thing as "I wish"
"I should've"
I know what happened,
how I stood by and watched-- a coward
I will be your shield
Let me take your hits
Copyright © Ezekiel Gonzales | Year Posted 2023
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Ezekiel Gonzales Poem
With something gone, with something missing--
an empty hole with an empty mind--
There's nothing to fill,
who wants it?
With something here, with something there—
with all knowing eyes
I find there’s something to fill
who wants it?
Filling your plate, tossing the remains
Dumping out the trash, stacking the dishes
Layering your body in the cold, stripping in the heat
Your cup teeters
drink it? Or let it spill?
It’s a package bundle, you and I
I find you to always be on my side
left, right
resent, love
bright, dark
It’s you and me, you and me
the look in your eyes
Just you and me
the beat of your heart
Together, together
Always you and me, you and me
capture the moment
Just you and me
a single frame
Together, together!
With nothing here, with nothing there
chasing days
cutting it close
my battery fails
Spilling my empty cup—who wants it?
Running and Reaching
Finding and Guiding
Loving and Loosing
Living and Regretting
Dawning the bedsheets, collecting dust
Creating such little noise:
banging pots and pans,
turning on the tap—plop, plop, plop!
slamming the front door
What did you say?
Echoing around the world,
I can’t find the words
Among the crowd, you can find more
You’re not empty, you’re not full
It’s not sad; I am too
Together?
It’s you and me, you and me
choosing
Just you and me
deciding
It’s you and me, you and me
grading
Always you and me
failing
You, me
together doesn’t mean forever?
With something gone, with something missing
an empty whole lacking its mind
There’s something to fill,
who wants it?
Copyright © Ezekiel Gonzales | Year Posted 2023
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Ezekiel Gonzales Poem
There’s something screaming in my head
I don’t know who is who anymore!
Choosing what to see, hear
Big decisions for such a little me
Knocking on walls, messaging through the phone, sharing a meal
Tell me you love me, one more time
That lonely feeling hasn’t gone away, never will it go away
Please, someone take it away!
It’s an endless darkness I feel growing deep inside,
someone make this all go away
Another day, just one more day, now always careless and empty
Pity won’t work on me
Was there Balance?
What even am I?
Copyright © Ezekiel Gonzales | Year Posted 2023
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Ezekiel Gonzales Poem
Walking through the streets of downtown, I find there’s something—Or someone,
following my steps
like a nagging fly, always around the corner, just out of reach
Can’t seem to smack it out of the air
What an annoying little buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz,
Buzzing in and out of my head,
buzzing in my eyes and mouth, buzzing down and around my body
It’s never quite the same;
you and me, the lives we lead, the people we meet,
the food we eat, the clothes we put on
Always something, always something, never not nothing
You take it all in stride, I see the distant past
My words can’t find the page, can’t reach the page, can’t fall from my hands
Looking up to you, I’ll ask: “Can you find my words?”
Holding my hands close to my chest, tearing my eyes away, blocking it out
There’s not enough strength left for me
What is it you said?
That lonely feeling won’t go away, won’t ever go away
Please, won’t you take it away?
It’s an endless darkness I feel growing deep inside, take this all away—
Someone make this all go away!
Another day, just one more day, careless and empty
Pity won’t work on me
Is this where the line ends, drawing to a close?
Nothing for miles, nothing, nothing, nothing
Is this what it all amounted to?
Calling out for someone that never existed—
What a cruel punishment
What is Balance?
I want me as I am!
They say it’s such a shame as to what happened on that day
you and me, the lives we led, the people we met,
the food we ate, the clothes we wore
Always somewhere, always somewhere, never not here
You took it all with grace, I take it in the face
My words are falling off the page, falling around the page, falling from my hands
I look away from you—
Mouth agape, eyes shrouded in gray
How come?
Repeat!
I don’t know what is happening; the world is going by too fast,
too far gone are these feelings
Chasing after something I know not for seems pointless,
wouldn’t you agree?
Standing in a daze, standing among the crowd, standing with you—
When did I get here?
Falling to my knees, falling and pleading
Tear it all down—I’ll tear this whole damn place down, nothing should remain as I still stand
What time was spent should be preserved under my bed
Did nothing ever happen, did anything ever exist,
did you ever know what “I love you!” meant?
Give the truth,
speak before the peace is broken
I can’t
Waking up from such hell is pleasant, too morbid of a dream to be real
Right?
Copyright © Ezekiel Gonzales | Year Posted 2023
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