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Kovah Havok Poem
Oh how serene
The silence be
When least expected
And most neglected
Peace and quiet
Is oh so precious
Like a flying bird
On black veiled wings
Its song unheard
But still it sings
Not for you
And not for me
But it’s always been
And will always be
So when the night is quiet
When the sky is silent
Listen closely
But you won’t hear
Not far away
No, rather near
The silence sings
Its song so queer
And through the fog
It’s all so clear
Nothingness rings
In the air
There’s nothing here
But something there
The Nothing is nowhere
Not here
Nor there
The Nothing
It is everywhere
Its song is not
But yet it is
It hides its presence
Where all else ‘tis
Among the blackness
Within the blankness
Where all else is,
There’s Nothingness
Copyright © Kovah Havok | Year Posted 2019
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Kovah Havok Poem
Sleeping with their night lights on
From dawn to dusk, from dusk to dawn
Children learn to fear the dark
Adults learn to numb their hearts
But when you’re grown and all alone
Still the shadows haunt your home
But truth be told; when nights are cold
It’s not the dark that chills our bones
Something darker scares our souls
We’re not afraid of darkness
We’re afraid of what’s within it
So flip the switch, turn on the light
To ward off creatures of the night
Assure yourself once or twice
That they can’t come into the light
But still they come, day and night
The light doesn’t kill them
It helps them hide
Copyright © Kovah Havok | Year Posted 2019
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Kovah Havok Poem
I said I’d be myself
Now I say that was a lie
They don’t know who I am
Then again, neither do I
But if one thing’s for sure
Today I’m not the same
I’m not who I was before
Or who I was yesterday
And the way that I’m today
Is not the way I will remain
I will never be the way I was that day
I’m a different person
This me is made to last
And though I’ll change with time
There is no more moving back
Because ever since I left
I’ve grown further from the past
What happened is behind me
Like wind blowing on my raft
The wind is in my sails
And the sea in my ears hums
I don’t know what tomorrow holds
But I say let it come
Because every day I’m gone,
Every day without a tear,
I am more of someone
And the future is more near
Copyright © Kovah Havok | Year Posted 2022
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Kovah Havok Poem
The morning after I killed myself, I woke up.
I made myself breakfast in bed. I added salt and pepper to my eggs and used my toast for a cheese and bacon sandwich. I squeezed a grapefruit into a juice glass. I scraped the ashes from the frying pan and rinsed the butter off the counter. I washed the dishes and folded the towels.
The morning after I killed myself, I fell in love. Not with the boy down the street or the middle school principal. Not with the everyday jogger or the grocer who always left the avocados out of the bag. I fell in love with my mother and the way she sat on the floor of my room holding each rock from my collection in her palms until they grew dark with sweat. I fell in love with my father down at the river as he placed my note into a bottle and sent it into the current.With my brother who once believed in unicorns but who now sat in his desk at school trying desperately to believe I still existed.
The morning after I killed myself, I walked the dog. I watched the way her tail twitched when a bird flew by or how her pace quickened at the sight of a cat. I saw the empty space in her eyes when she reached a stick and turned around to greet me so we could play catch but saw nothing but sky in my place. I stood by as strangers stroked her muzzle and she wilted beneath their touch like she did once for mine.
The morning after I killed myself, I went back to the neighbors’ yard where I left my footprints in concrete as a two year old and examined how they were already fading. I picked a few daylilies and pulled a few weeds and watched the elderly woman through her window as she read the paper with the news of my death. I saw her husband spit tobacco into the kitchen sink and bring her her daily medication.
The morning after I killed myself, I watched the sun come up. Each orange tree opened like a hand and the kid down the street pointed out a single red cloud to his mother.
The morning after I killed myself, I went back to that body in the morgue and tried to talk some sense into her. I told her about the avocados and the stepping stones, the river and her parents. I told her about the sunsets and the dog and the beach.
The morning after I killed myself, I tried to unkill myself, but couldn’t finish what I started.
(This poem is not my own but I survived my attempt, shortly after my last poem was published, and I don't have the words to express the way waking feels. Dying doesn't numb the pain, living does.)
Copyright © Kovah Havok | Year Posted 2021
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Kovah Havok Poem
If only for once
Dusk and dawn came together
Us beasts, those animals
If only twilight would last forever…
Dancing in the daylight
Dreaming of the moonlight
Howling at the night sky
The horizon’s skylight
Overwhelms the dark night
The moon sinks on the skyline
And the sun begins to rise
Then, when the moment’s just right
Suddenly it’s twilight
All creatures of the night
Wonder for the last time
Seeking a place to hide
“I want to touch the light…”
“This light is so unnatural,
I prefer the moonlight.”
“Beasts live in the sunlight.
We’re safe from them at night.:
Once at day, once at night
We run together beneath the sky
Once at day, once at night
Our worlds collide, day and night
Dusk and dawn alike.
Us beasts, those animals
Once a day, twice a light
Once every twilight.
I wake up and turn on my light
It was just a dream,
A dream of living in the night
Such a beautiful dream
So as the sun begins to rise
Once again, I close my eyes
And dream again of twilight.
Copyright © Kovah Havok | Year Posted 2021
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Kovah Havok Poem
Dripping
Dropping
Down it’s falling
My own blood
It wants to leave me
And so I let it
Set it free
My own blood
Is leaving me
My hollow veins
Are growing lonely
But words in ink
They’ll never leave
And so I write down
What I think
I contemplate
Each little thing
I think about my mother
And I think about my father
Would’ve made a better brother
Should’ve been a better daughter
But I grew into a heathen
And along the way I stopped believing
Ran out of fear
Ran out of faith
Now look at what
I have became
It’s a cold, dark world
I can’t help but to look forward
To the heat that makes me weak
The flames that keep me company
Soaked in blood
Hell will flood
Smoke and ash will turn to dust
Cause God, he knows
I will destroy all I touch
All but the taste of victory
Delicate and oh so sweet
It tastes a lot like Hell’s defeat
Cause even demons
I keep them running
There’s a special place in Hell for me
It’s called a throne
It belongs to me and me alone
I am the one that guard’s Hell’s gate
Who’s appetite your sins will sate
And when you’re but a shell
Rotting in the pits of Hell
I’ll feast on what is left
I am what they call
A Fate Worse Than Death
Copyright © Kovah Havok | Year Posted 2021
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Kovah Havok Poem
Every good thing
Comes to an end
Like a bird
With flapping wings
Bound to break and bend
It flies
It flew
It clung
To the life it barely knew
To the good life
To the Dove’s favorite lie
But the good soon die
Only the good die young
The bird was young and dumb
But if she’d lived a longer life
She would’ve soon
grown old and wise
And evil
And quite numb
And then she’d be corrupt
Little Miss Dove
Didn’t die when she should’ve
Little Miss Dove
Is still flying
And the bird that dear Dove
A long time ago was
Is slowly
Slowly dying
Little Miss Dove
If only a little
Wanted to live longer
Who’s she trying to kid?
All the Dove did
If only a little
Was prolong the inevitable
Copyright © Kovah Havok | Year Posted 2019
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Kovah Havok Poem
Have you heard the tale?
Of a woman thin and pale
The one whom beasts hail
Copyright © Kovah Havok | Year Posted 2019
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Kovah Havok Poem
Black sky
Black night
Blackness
And moonlight
Dark eyes
Dark mind
In dark clothes
We hide
Burning in our anger
Drowning in our tears
The ghosts of smiles linger
Shadows of past cheer
A hollow, empty smile
Because we know
That you all think
We are not good liars
And we’ll never
Ever be
Yet it seems to me
That you believe
That underneath
Black lipstick and eyeliner
My smile is quite dire
You say my mind’s misguided
Just a phase
‘ll go away
Get on your knees
And pray
Forgive and forget, or so you say
But God forgot me along the way
And heroes never save the day
You say that
We all make mistakes
So no matter what they do
No matter what they say
You lead me to believe
It doesn’t matter what they think
So here I stand
Emotionless
But I’m smiling
Nonetheless
Watching, waiting
In the darkness
Oh sweet mother, sweet mother
Though I hate to digress
It seems that I lost you
And my father
And everybody else
I lost everyone
Trying to find myself
And so now with certainty I can say
Villains are the broken people
Heroes forgot to save
Copyright © Kovah Havok | Year Posted 2021
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Kovah Havok Poem
Dressed in black
Can’t bring you back
So I cry in the rain
Smile through the pain
When I close my eyes
And I see your face
A bit of me dies
Because you’re in a better place
You’ve broken my heart
So I better fall asleep
Before I fall apart
But it’s hard to dream
When your face is all I see
Leave me be
Let me Rest In Peace
Out of sight out of mind
But you’re still in mine
You’re all my
Blind eyes see
And all my deaf ears hear
Alive but not living
I’m drowning in my tears
And I wish you were here
I wish you were here
You’d dry my eyes
And tell me twice
You’ll be fine
You’ll be fine
But you’re not here
So I’m still crying
Don’t leave me yet
I’m not done dying
Need to say my goodbyes
Slit my wrists
And close my eyes
I need to hold your hand
Just one more time
Copyright © Kovah Havok | Year Posted 2019
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