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Your Choice P Hardware Girl
The first poem I posted on Soup. One of the first 200 poems I deleted. I found a rough copy in an old scribble book.
Hardware Blues.
My dad he went down fighting, to keep his local hardware store
But the big boys took his customers and the bank said “Shut the door”.
He had sales and cut-price specials and bargains galore,
He thought and thought of ways that he could do more.
He opened the store all day and half the night to suffice
But Bunnings told their customers “We will cut his price”
Well its sad to say but working in his store has been no fun for me.
I will be glad to look for work elsewhere and glad to say I’m free.
I am quite convinced that in a hardware store there is no place
For a genteel and rather shy, member of the female race.
Men would come in asking for objects that I found quite obscene,
For example I was asked “Where would a bloke find a ball pein?”
Another walked up to me and gave me quite a shock
As he informed me that he desperately needed a plumber’s cock.
Yet another quite nice gentleman assumed that I knew
On what shelf he would find a tool to drive a screw.
I had to inform one man that he needed a pet shop for his pet
When he told me it was a Rover jumper that he needed to get
A man came in one day who had quite a stammer
I was sure I heard him wrong when he asked for a Bi hex spanner
One man became quite forceful and nearly made me sob
When he insisted that I must know where was a plumb rule and Bob !
Requests for a Tongue and groove, Pump plier, a Mortar pan and a Fitting tool
Put me in a quandary and made me feel quite the fool
Once a lady was in the store. I was pleased until she asked for a toilet brush
I admit that even asking for such a simple item as this had made me blush
A guy that barked out gruffly “Spirit Level !” brought me to my lowest point.
MY spirit was at its lowest ebb and I am glad I no longer work in this joint.
Copyright ©
Speaks Volumes
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