|
| |
Sessions
Regret has found me knocking at its door again. Shame answered immediately as if it had been waiting for its old friend. Opening its door where the comfy couch is that I turn my thoughts over in exchange for inner peace and solace. There is a spot molded to my body where I take my seat. This time I have anger and it's taking over me. It’s like my prefrontal cortex hired another conductor to lead. In my body, challenging my amygdala and triggering my hypothalamus to retreat. Losing its control, leaving me alone with only me, in charge of my big E’s. Now I am more uncomfortable than I was before therapy. And 49 more minutes before I leave is when I start to recognize a hormonal response, where the physical changes start to take over me. I’m a fighter so my prefrontal cortex reminds me and regulates all the Big E’s to manageable little E’s. Making my response to negative thoughts minimal and not self-depleting. STILL, I slip and sometimes forget how easy it is to get sucked back into it; the negative thought flow you became so familiar with. I don’t want to sit with this. Tired of these weekly couch sessions. Just want to be able to control emotions and let go of past transgressions without checking in to my next confession session. So my goal is set, no more emotional ding-dong ditch. I won’t knock on doors where shame will surely answer it. I am releasing regret and guilt daily so that one day I will wake up and be able to take a deep breath without feeling like I am suffocating. Until then I am again, signed in for my 1 pm session.
Copyright ©
Sierra Mazzucca
|
|