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The Blundering Bloodsucker
I was christened a vampire at the stroke of ten.
My bloody reign of terror was about to begin.
No more would I live as a once good samaritan.
To think before this, I was a confirmed vegetarian.
Now destined to hunt human prey by night,
Relishing the moment of that fatal first bite.
Down a dark deserted alley, I hatched a simple plan;
To watch for the arrival of a single woman or man.
Perched on a fire escape, it was there I awaited.
I hoped it wasn't someone to whom I was related.
But as my hunger grew, it didn't really matter.
I longed for the carnage and arterial splatter.
Soon there came the sound of staggering shoes.
It was a tall lanky man, clearly reeking of booze.
As soon as he neared, I pounced from above.
He puked on my chest and gave me a shove.
I fell on my back, as he ran from the scene.
Now jumping to my feet, I had to come clean.
This dirty deed wouldn't be as easy as I thought.
Could it be from the lessons I was never taught?
How does one kill for the very first time?
I was feeling quite ill and covered in slime.
I hurried back home, for a badly needed shower;
Then glancing at the clock, I noticed the hour.
Time was ticking down towards the coming of dawn.
I had to rethink my tactics and muster my brawn.
Two blocks over, I spied a lonely old maiden,
With a cane in her hand; and a purse that was laden.
I crept up from behind with cunning, stealth, and grace.
Spinning around, she screamed; and pepper sprayed my face.
Dropping to my knees, with eyes burning and red;
I prayed there was someone close, that was easily bled.
After deciding not to tolerate any tit-for-tat,
I finally gave up; and drank the neighbor's cat.
Copyright ©
Randy Freie
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