Better With Age
I’m actually getting better with age
To illustrate this, here is my gauge
The spots on my skin – think of a young leopard
The cane in my hand – think of a young Sheppard
And now that I squint – think of a young Clint (Eastwood)
The grey in my hair – now I look debonair
Though my jowls droop a little I feel fit as a fiddle
And though I wear glasses, the gals still make passes
My six-pack’s matured to a tight mini-keg
And I could run miles (except for one leg)
There’s a skip in my steps like I’m dancing on air
(It’s just orthopedics – I now wear a pair)
And the creaks and the groans that you hear when I move
Is the gypsy in me getting down with the groove
When I look in the mirror I still see someone young
And my memory sticks on the tip of my tongue
Yes, I’m actually getting better with age
If I recalibrate what I use for a gauge
Categories:
orthopedics, age,
Form: Rhyme
I get paid driving a farm tractor
with sideline job as chiropractor.
I massage, soothe muscular pains,
move circulation through your veins.
Never trained in orthopedics.
But I've got skills of the medics.
Strained tendons, twisted ligaments,
just suit yourselves, my compliments.
I rub and press, even squeeze
your bodies, limbs and extremities.
Be yours the size of whales or eels,
your ills, your aches this masseur heals.
My fingers know topography
and the contours of your body.
Got skills of a land surveyor
from long driving a farm tractor!
.
Categories:
orthopedics, funnyfarm,
Form: Tail-rhyme
I get paid driving a huge farm tractor
with sideline job as chiropractor;
I massage and I soothe muscular pains,
move vital circulation through your veins.
Though I never trained in orthopedics,
I've got skills similar to the medics;
sprained joints, strained tendons, twisted ligaments,
just tell me where it hurts, my compliments.
I pat and dab, rub and press, knead and squeeze
your weary back, limbs and extremities;
be yours the size and girth of whales or eels,
your aches, your ills this handy masseur heals.
You see, there's none on your anatomy
that escapes from these fingers that tell me;
I've learned the skills of a land surveyor
from long years of driving a farm tractor!
Categories:
orthopedics, funnyfarm,
Form: Rhyme
I get paid driving a farm tractor
with sideline job as chiropractor;
I massage, soothe muscular pains,
move circulation through your veins;
though never trained in orthopedics,
I've got some real skills like the medics;
strained tendons or twisted ligaments,
come, just suit yourselves, my compliments;
I rub and press, and even squeeze
your bodies, limbs, extremities;
be yours the size of whales or eels,
your aches, your ills this masseur heals;
the contours of your anatomy
are easy topographies for me;
I've learned skills of a land surveyor
from years of driving a farm tractor.
Categories:
orthopedics, funny, happiness, on work
Form: Rhyme