Long Funnyhate Poems
Long Funnyhate Poems. Below are the most popular long Funnyhate by PoetrySoup Members. You can search for long Funnyhate poems by poem length and keyword.
THINGS THAT HATE ME
Spaghetti, for I don’t allow it to outrun my utensil
I chop it all to inch-long pieces then use my fork as a shovel.
Expensive French wine, for I won’t ever pretend
It’s much more delicious than Californian, “Oh it’s the end!”
Italian shoes: they grumble at each other and say
He never boasts our nationality, only speaks of comfort each day.
Versace men’s clothes, for I know they are no different to other clothes,
Only pricier and rather dull and a foreign name that one loathes.
Gateshead, because I think it was a horrible place to be born and raised
And it thinks it’s a cool up-to-date nice place now, but it should still be rased.
England, for I don’t miss it at all , and will never seek
The company of expats who say they are indeed such a clique.
Cell phones, for I won’t carry them absolutely everywhere
And won’t answer at each beep as if life depended on its blare.
Cars, which try to assert their importance as boys’ toys -
My interest is in lovely things which make no smelly noise.
Colds and flu, for I don’t allow them to spoil my whole day.
Just take regular remedy stuff and go on normally.
Ultra-slim fashion models scowling on catwalks because I say
They are only skinny girls and rather plain-looking, rather grey.
Australia, because I won’t say it’s a wonderful place,
Only a desert and a few big towns pretending to be like the USA’s.
Italian language, because it is “the most beautiful and spoken with ease”
And this is obviously not so to the Welsh or Chinese.
Football games, for they insist on pretending to be crucial to life
And much more important than kids or wife.
Squeaky hinges, wobbly tables, leaky taps and broken things myriad -
Because I don’t allow them to exist for an interminable period.
By the way, things that don’t hate me include the US Navy,
Folk music, cats, Richard Nixon, and kasha with gravy,
……..For obvious reasons.
I don’t know who you are but I think I hate you for this;
I’ve spent my whole life asking why;
Why does it have to be like this?
I think it might be you; but why.
I mean I know it’s your nature;
You apparently chose to mess with the power that is;
But why do you have to be here where we’re all at?
I think we’ve been paying since the beginning of time.
I hate you for it;
I hate the whole idea;
How is this fair?
Life isn’t fair; that must be it.
Religion says strive to be fair;
Society tells us work on being fair;
Meanwhile it is advised I keep my enemy close;
It’s not only unfair but it’s not nice.
Ah speaking of nice;
From what I can tell;
The one thing I know about nice is;
Nice is having a bowel movement
I guess I’m to ask for forgiveness;
But forgive me if life has a constipating effect
And oh that smell; the smell of it surrounds you;
Oh did I make a boo-boo no that is a boo boo.
I was a pacifist once; a long time ago;
Everybody picked on me; everywhere I went;
It was embarrassing not to stand up for myself;
So what; I’m not supposed to be angry now and want to fight?
Ok I’m not supposed to hate;
But it’s real hard to be happy;
And if I had any chance at all;
I’d call your punk ass out.
(sorry, Tirzah, I could not do a nice long poem on horses.
I just felt like doing some silly limericks playing off expressions
for horses. Thanks for the inspiration!)
I Hate that Horse
There’s a horse that I so hate to see,
And at night sometimes he visits me.
His attack to my thigh
Makes me think I might die.
That Charly Horse acts horribly!
Horses Have Ears, Ya Know
“I could eat a horse!” hungry bob said
To his friends as he rode his horse, Ned.
Taking it the wrong way,
Ned reared up with a “neigh!”
Bob fell off and got kicked in the head.
Pony Up
“Pony up,” said the seamstress in town
With the new bride’s hand-sewn beaded gown.
But having no dough,
The bride cast her eyes low,
Saying, “Sorry, but my pony is down.”
In Our One Horse Town
We love ostriches. Haven’t you heard?
Yes, it’s true, and I give you my word
Just one old mare lives here.
Had no foals; she is *****.
So each cowboy just rides a bird!
For Tirzah's "A Horse is a Horse of Course" contest
I really hate Pop stars
They are like incest siblings from mars
Sleeping around with everyone
Shaving their heads for fun
If your lucky they'll expose a teet
And expose pantiless pic's on a tweet
Watch out and be careful of the whimsey
For they all are procreated by Disney
Next thing ya know
They are marshmellow treats in your cereal bowl
Beware of the antique dolls
For endorsement deals will lead them to your mall
Who should stop this travesty in our homes?
It sure as hell ain't gonna be the man who changed his name 1000 times from combs
Where is this midget known as Justin Bieber?
Off with his head with a meat cleaver!
I could gone on with the pop culture life that is a bore
But what's that you say?.... it's time for Jersey Shore!
I hate to be so hypocritical and lame
But anything a hit on MTV, so them we can't blame
Never have I ever
Told my mother-in-law she's fat
Okay, I probably have
I lied, so I'm sorry about that
I've never locked the refrigerator
When she comes to spend the night
Okay, you know I did
I even unscrewed the light
I've never said she's ugly
With that mole between her eyes
Okay, she is though
She needs to wear a desguise
I've never called her sasquatch
With hair all over the place
I got her a razor for Christmas
You should have seen her face
I've never put her in the paper
For something to cut the grass
I just said she's an old ugly goat
Who's always passing gas
I've never said I hate her
But you can read what I wrote above
I didn't mentioned hate one time
But you notice I didn't mention love
I hate it when it’s cold outside
I hate it when its chilly
In wintertime it’s hard to find
My precious little Willy
He slinks away to somewhere warm
And finds some place to hide
So long as it is cosy
He will snuggle up inside
Most mornings when we have a walk
He’ll shudder and he’ll shake
But should he spot a puddle
Then his little legs will quake
He stands stock still and will not move
The silly little pup
He will not budge a single inch
I have to pick him up
I love my little Willy and
It’s nice when he’s around
But, whenever it is cold out
He is nowhere to be found
Sometimes I think of getting
A dog that’s big and hairy
Until I do it’s sad but true
I’m lumbered with this fairy