The Cat sat glumly on the mat
Eyeballing his dinner dish
It was high time someone filled it
To the brim with his favourite fish
Things had been a bit slack
Lately his meals had been late
Treats were hidden from him
No titbits were left on a plate
It was time his owners stepped up
The situation was becoming alarming
If he kept on going like this
He was in mortal danger of starving
That bloody vet rang last week
He overheard words including 'fat'
That sounded highly suspicious
No good could come of that
So here he was on tight rations
It just wasn't good enough
It was time to teach them a lesson
It was time to cut up rough
He planned it meticulously
His revenge was oh-so-sweet
He waited until they weren't looking
And threw up on the new lounge suite
I'm waiting here within my hole
Hiding from that big black mole
While up above me I have heard
the pecking of that damn blackbird
At night, to get some peace, I try
and then that hedgehog scurries by
I squirm away beneath a log
and bump into a big green frog
It's no wonder I'm afraid
of people digging with a spade
They never notice that I'm there
It really isn't very fair
With all these hazards to avoid
it's no wonder that I'm paranoid
The whole damn world seems to be
wanting to make a meal of me
Well, I have had about enough
It's time for me to cut up rough
Time for me to make a stand
and take this matter into hand
So in my hole I turn round
and burrow back into the ground
I burrow up and then I see
the blackbird's got his back to me
He's completely unaware
of the fact that I am there
So very quietly up I come
and bite the bugger on the bum