Slim is lean, tall, muscled and an inarticulate mass
Of loyalty, independence, pride and downright Western class
Cocking his hat just so he lets loose with his infectious grin
Testosterone overflowing, he’s masculine up to the brim
Mumbling "Shucks" he’ll duck his head and charm the ladies
Saddle-born, he loves the horse he calls "Lazy, Nuts, and Crazy"
Slim kin drink, git drunk, cuss and dance a mean square
He kin hunt, trap, fish and if put to it outrun a riled-up bear
Slim spits, chaws, farts, smokes hand-rolled and sings off-key
He shoots, ropes, hogties, brands and whistles at cows in high C
He’s an introverted soul, painfully shy and awkward in society
The ranch boss’ only daughter says she wants to marry him
Slim and her did hanky and panky after drinking some gin
Slim’s face reddens up to his hair from his chin
Thinking it’s about time to ride out on the wind
Riding tall into the sunset he canters without a backward glance
Looking for the next ranch on open range to give him a chance
To punch a few cows, work a round-up, find a new gal to romance
A Cowboy Is, Why Bless My Soul, It's Slim.
When the mortgage comes due
And you ain’t got a dime
And the new calf turns blue
As you’re wipin’ ‘way slime…
And the pond’s all dried up
From this dang five-year drought,
And your dog had twelve pups
While your wife’s got the gout…
And the price of lamb mutt
Falls clear through the floor—
As the biggest pork butt
Turns out to be yours…
The truck’s seen better days
And the cattle guard don’t—
As the north fence just lays,
But your chickens sure won’t!
And your maw chaws Red Man—
Your sis is a marine.
Your brother’s turned vegan,
But he still won’t eat a bean.
The herd has that “Mad Cow,”
Your horses have gone wild—
You’re bein’ sued right now
By your own dern love child!
And while these things all hurt,
Your dad says he likes MEN!
That he’s been wearin’ skirts
Since he don’t right know when!
Then your wife runs away
With your best pard, ol’ Jim,
And you’re just not okay,
‘Cause you sure do miss HIM!
Don’t let it get you down—
This might be your last chance—
Keep your boots on the ground—
That’s just life on the ranch!