Best Funnysnow Poems
The dwarf told Snow White from his heart,
“If you wish to stay here, please don’t fart.”
Our objective is to always please,
But we need to mount you on your knees.
If you think we’re coming on to fast,
it’s just because we like your ass.
And maybe with a bit of luck,
You’ll agree to just a little ---k.
If you just want to sleep and sit,
The at least show us a little tit.
We dwarfs are a very horney sort,
So please Snow White, be a sport.
Dwarfs only have tiny boners,
which is why we tend to be such loners.
We’re to little to pop your cherry,
so you’ll still have it when you marry.
We pledge to you on the name of Merlin,
Your Prince Charming will still have his virgin.
So Snow White, what do you say?
Be a sport and let us play.
THE SEVEN DISAPPEAR
So the Prince asked Snow White to marry him,
And the dwarfs said good bye to Snow White.
From that day on, Snow White lived in a castle.
But from time to time, she was drawn back
to visit the little cottage down in the forest.
One day she knocked on door and no one answered
She asked about, and found that -
Sneezy had been taken to
the allergy clinic for intensive treatment.
(When Snow white was found asleep
after the apple episode,
they originally thought that Sneezy had infected her.)
Sleepy had been sent
to the narcolepsy institute for observation;
Dopey ( a k a The Dwarf Dealer ) was taken
To drug rehabilitation (with basket-weaving);
Doc (a fleeing Nazi war criminal) was
Imprisoned for practising medicine without a licence;
Bashful (real name Social Phobia )
Was felt to be in need of counselling;
Grumpy had no choice but anger-management classes
( residential accommodation included);
Happy was suspected of near-imbecile tendencies -
Hence his happiness in the face of dwarfism and loneliness -
He was locked up for observation and self-protection.
So Snow White lived happily ever after but
Thanks to government programs and welfare spending
The seven also lived in closed institutions for ever after.
Their diamond mine was taken over by the state
To offset the medical costs.
……………………………………………………………..
Written for John Heck’s competition
The “Happy Ending” of Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs
'Tis glorious springtime agin in Wayne County, Indiana!
(Never mind that a blizzard jes' blew in frum Montana!)
Folks wuz beginnin' to till their gardens to plant pertaters,
And wuz bustin' clods to set out plants uv beefsteak termaters!
Guys is tinkerin' with their mowers though they run in fits and starts.
Shucks! They cain't use 'em nohow till the snow and ice departs!
Folks'll swat at muskeeters searchin' fer elusive morel mushrooms.
All these pesky things will be forgotten if'n ever the peonies blooms!
Cardinals and robins returnin' home by the snow is confused.
Them hearty "snowbirds" comin' back from Floriday ain't amused!
But all too soon they'll face the stiflin' humidity and heat.
Come this October they'll return to their Dixie Land retreat!
Farmers is tunin' John Deeres to plow but the ground is froze.
They cain't even rely on the Farmer's Almanac, heaven knows!
Jes' when the apple, peach and mulberry trees wuz all abloom,
Along came the springtime freeze and, alas, they met their doom!
Another thing that has some Hoosier folks in a terrible snit,
Is the change to daylight savin's time but they'll git over it.
The good folks of Wayne County have jes' one simple request:
"Montana! We'd be obliged if'n you kept yer weather way out west!"
Robert L. Hinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
(© All Rights Reserved)
THESE ARE THE THINGS THAT MAKE ME SMILE
WAKING UP EACH DAY
TAKING LONG WALKS WITH MY MOTHER
BREATHING EVERY SECOND
SHOVELING SNOW WITH MY FATHER
SEEING THE FACES OF THE PEOPLE I LOVE
HELPING OUT IN THE LOCAL SOUP KITCHEN
HEARING BABIES LAUGH
READING STORIES OF HOPE
SEEING COUPLES IN LOVE
FINDING SOMETHING I LOST A LONG TIME AGO
EATING MY FAVORITE FOOD
CUDDLING WITH MY DOG
LISTENING TO MUSIC ON THE RADIO
WATCHING THE LEAVES TURN COLORS IN THE FALL
CAMPING
PLAYING IN THE SNOW WITH MY NIECES
JUST LIVING!!!
THESE ARE A FEW OF
MY FAVORITE THINGS
I woke this mornin' anticipatin' a steamin' cup o' joe,
But peerin' out th' winder, I saw piles an' piles uv snow!
My oh my, how I pined to live in sunny Arizony,
But no, spouse insisted we retire in snowy Colorady!
I would've much preferred to continue my cozy snooze,
But duty called so I donned my mackinaw an' overshoes.
Fer a while that savory cup uv java I must forego,
An' attack th' mounds uv blowin' and driftin' snow!
Facin' me wuz three foot drifts uv that fluffy stuff.
I knew I wuz in fer a formidable huff an' puff!
Neighbors greeted each other with frosty hellos,
Then all dug in with shovels and flyin' elbows!
I had th' sidewalk an' driveway very nearly cleared,
When comin' 'round th' bend a roarin' truck appeared.
Wuz th' county snow removal guy an' with a silly grin,
Heaped snow back on the driveway much to my chagrin!
After a couple uv cups uv coffee that I had consumed,
I agin tackled th' drive which needed to be exhumed!
This snow shovelin' thing is sure gittin' out uv hand,
But I reckon I could be in Arizony shovelin' driftin' sand!
Robert L. Hinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
(© All Rights Reserved)
There once was a pumpkin named Whitey.
Who grew in a field and was mighty.
He had a high air,
Because he felt he was rare.
Being white, and other pumpkins were slighty.
There came a big snow storm one nighty.
And the pumpkins were afraid without a lighty.
But in the snow, Whitey arose,
On his cold little tip toes,
And glowed in the patch because he was snow whitey.
The next day the pumpkins weren't slighty.
Because Whitey had come through with a lighty.
So it just goes to show,
If you're a white pumpkin in the snow,
Your life can turn out to be brighty!!!!!!!
Inspired by the White Pumpkin and the Snow poem contest.
As out the window
I look, more snow today,
have only one thing to say,
take our snow please.
Six week-ends straight,
snow, snow everywhere,
have only one thing to say,
take our snow please today.
So much snow, so much cold,
snow in the streets, snow in the yard,
snow on the car, snow on my shoe,
have only one thing to say,
take our snow please, we don't know
what to do.
Winter, oh winter please end,
all of this snow, we don't really want it,
snow falling, flakes dropping,
have only one thing to say,
take our snow please, don't delay.
wrote 1-25-07